


Lily Bud

by Schak



Series: The History of Hogwarts 70s [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: End of a Friendship, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Friendship, Growing Up, Racism, Sisters, Slow Romance, War, jily
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-06 20:49:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 49
Words: 38,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14065305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schak/pseuds/Schak
Summary: Before there was Lily Potter there was Lily Evans.Before there was this martyr for the light, there was a little girl that had to find her place in a world at war about her right to live.Lily Evans wasn't just a prologue or side note of other people's lives.She was the protagonist of her own story.This is the story of Lily Evans.Now in Year 5





	1. Year 1 Chapter 1

Lily Evans sat on her new bed for the first time. It was huge and was surrounded by heavy red curtains. She pulled them open to talk with the other girls.

Lily shared the room with four girls. They all introduced themselves when they walked up the stairs. Gwen Glassor and Gundola Beararm were already thick as thieves. They knew each other long before Hogwarts. They sat together on one bed and had introduced themselves so fast that Lily wasn't sure who was who.

The other two girls were Dorcas Meadowes and Sulfia MacEllis. Dorcas was sweet, shy and spoke with a soft voice. Sulfia on the other hand seemed so sure of herself and carried herself in an aloof manner.

Lily continued telling them about her life, how she was muggleborn and she had a friend in Slytherin, who wanted her to be in that house instead. Dorcas looked a bit shocked and Sulfia screwed up her nose.

"Well he is either really mean or really stupid." Sulfia told her as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Surprised by her comment, Lily's cheeks flushed with anger. "You don't know Sev! Why would you say something like that about him?" She didn't think she would like Sulfia. She reminded her of those arrogant boys on the train.

Sulfia's eyes widened in shock. "You are muggleborn and he wants you to go to Slytherin." She shook her head and spoke with such authority that Lily almost felt stupid asking the question.

"Sulfia," Dorcas said in a calming voice, "Lily is muggleborn. She doesn't know about Slytherin…" The shy girl obviously wanted to smooth the tension, but Lily only felt embarrassed. Sulfia looked taken aback about the idea that someone didn't have the same opinion as her about Slytherin.

To Lily's surprise Gwen and Gundola joined the conversation and explained the situation to her.

"Slytherin is all about purebloods and that stuff." One of them said, Gwen, maybe, or was it Gundola. They even looked a bit alike, with their long brown hairs and in their school uniforms.

"They are no muggleborns in Slytherin. They are basically not allowed in there." The other one continued.

"There has never ever been a muggleborn in Slytherin."

Lily was speechless. Slytherin had a problem with muggleborns? But Sev said it didn't make a difference. Lily bit her lip.

"Actual that's not true," Sulfia informed them with a smirk, clearly pleased to know more than the rest of them. "There were some muggleborns that got sorted into Slytherin."

"Really?"

"Are you sure?"

"I never heard that before ."

The other three all seemed to think that a muggleborn Slytherin was unbelievable or made up. But Lily wanted to puff her chest. Sev hadn't lied to her!

But Sulfia stood by her words. "Yes, a dozen or more even. They just never survived long enough to even make their O. . Never mind graduate from Hogwarts. They always have an 'accident' or 'kill themselves' before that." She raised her hands to put quotation marks around the words accident and kill themselves. She clearly didn't believe in accidents or anything of that sort.

Lily felt dread build up in her stomach. Surely, Sev didn't know about any of this or he would never have wanted to go to Slytherin. Once he found out about that, he wouldn't want to stay there, but he couldn't leave his house! Her feeling of dread was quickly joined by worry and sadness for her friend.

Some of the other girls asked Sulfia how she knew any of that.

"My mum is on the school board and there is a list with all students that somehow died while they were students in Hogwarts. Most of them are just illnesses and stuff, but Mum said that it is a little joke for the school board that if a muggleborn is sorted into Slytherin, they have to prepare for one less graduate at the end of the seven years." The other girls giggled uncomfortably.

"I don't think Sev knows about any of that…" Lily mumbled.

"Well then he is stupid and not mean." Sulfia said and swept her long blonde hair over her shoulder. "I mean, everybody knows that muggleborn are unwanted in Slytherin. To want to be in that house Slytherin but not know about their blood purity beliefs, you have to be a bit stupid…"

Lily didn't know what to say to any of this and was relieved when Sulfia started to talk about her family. She feigned interest as Sulfia droned on about her two older sisters, one in Ravenclaw and one in Hufflepuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, a huge thank you to Hurricanhairandemeraldeyes for being my beta reader and putting so much work into my stories. I can't express how grateful I am to you.
> 
> Disclaimer: The characters are not mine and I don't make money with this story. I write and share it for my own entertainment and that of my readers.
> 
> AN: I hope you like the story. I have another story (The Best) that will look at some of these events from James pov, but that story is a lot shorter, because it just focus on him slowly falling in love with Lily. While this story looks at all of Lily's relationships and how they form Lily into the person she is. 
> 
> This first chapter is already a lot darker than most of The Best. Lily is confront with the fact that the magical world is not as Severus told her. There is some darkness there. Muggleborn are unwanted in Slytherin, where Severus wanted her to go. I always found it strange that Snape told Lily to try to get into Slytherin. One of the best known facts about Slytherin is that they don't want 'mudbloods' there. Everybody knows that, that grows up around magic. That only let me come to the conclusion that Snape didn't actual know as much about Hogwarts as he made Lily believe. Maybe his mother just didn't want to share is darker side with her son, but to Lily it most have been a shock. There are no mudbloods in Slytherin and if one dares to go there anyway, I would argue that you only need one person crazy enough to see it as an affront so deeply that they want to do something about it and considering the people we see in that house, it is not unlikely that someone would arrange for an accident to happen.
> 
> I hope you like it and please leave a review to help me improve and be motivated.
> 
> Have a nice day.


	2. Year 1 Chapter 2

Lily Bud

Year 1 Chapter 2

Lily was still thinking about the conversation of her first night in Hogwarts. Did everybody else know that Slytherin didn't like muggleborns? Why didn't Sev's mum ever tell him that? Did Sev learn about it yet? Lily hadn't asked him about it yet. It just never came up.

Lily only half listened to Dorcas and Sulfia sitting next to her. It was dinner time and the Great Hall was buzzing with people. Lily liked Dorcas a lot, but she still wasn't sure about Sulfia. It wasn't really her fault that she knew more about Slytherin than Sev, right? But she could have been more polite about it. Lily still sat with her in class and at meals, because Sulfia and Dorcas got along fine. Their dads were cousins or something, Lily stifled an eye roll, but according to Sulfia she was related to practically everybody.

A loud laugh broke out, and Lily turned her head to see the rude boys from the train. Potter and Black if she remembered correctly. Lily tried to remember all the names, because Sulfia was constantly talking about people very fast and got very annoyed when she had to explain who she was referring to.

The boys had been very rude, but maybe they just knew about the same stuff Sulfia told her about the first night. Maybe, she had been too rash in her judgment of them. Maybe, if she had listened to them on the train, they would have explained it to her and Sev and then Sev could have been with her in Gryffindor instead. Maybe, she should give them another chance.

As Lily was thinking about starting over with her housemates, she didn't notice that the boys had stood up from the table and were walking past her and her friends. Until she felt a sharp pain on her head. Lily cried out and twisted around on the bench. Behind her stood Potter and stared at her wide-eyed. A couple of long red hairs hung between his fingers.

Sulfia and Dorcas turned around at her shriek.

"Lily what is going on?" Sulfia asked, looking from her to Potter.

"He pulled my hair!" Lily held her head and glared at that stupid boy. She reached behind her head. Her hair was all sticky. "And he put sticky stuff in it!"

"N-no. I didn't- I just wanted-" He stammered. His friends around him started to snicker, as he turned red. James was moving his hand up and down as if he was petting something.

"You're such an idiot, James Potter." Sulfia told him, before she pulled Lily with her out of the Great Hall. "Let's go wash your hair and get that jam out." Dorcas followed behind them.

Lily felt angry tears in her eyes. She had been right about that boy. He was rude and mean and she would not give him another chance! But, she thought while glancing at her defender, maybe she should try to be better friends with Sulfia.


	3. Year 1 Chapter 3

Sev had been angry with her for a while. Lily wasn't sure what she had done to make him upset. But she could see something was bothering him in the way he pulled his book closer to him when she sat down next to him in the library. Lily was tired of the tension between them and just wanted to make up.

"Hey Sev." She put her book bag down. "What are you reading?"

He just gave her a grunt as an answer, which sparked Lily's annoyance.

"What is your problem, Sev? You act as if I have done something to you." Lily crossed her arms and stared at him until he answered her.

"You are always hanging out with those girls." He mumbled back.

"They are my friends. We share a dorm and every class. Of course I hang out with them." Lily was a bit taken back by the jealousy in Sev's words.

"Well what do you need me for then?"

"You can have more than one friend! I can be friends with Dorcas and Sulfia and with you." Lily put her hand on Sev's and squeezed it for a moment.

Sev finally looked up to her and Lily smiled at him. He answered her with a shy smile of his own.

It was nice to talk with Sev again and soon they started to talk about all the new things they learned and their new classmates.

"They are always walking around as if they own the school. Just because they played one stupid prank on Flitwick." Sev was complaining about James Potter and Sirius Black. Lily rolled her eyes. Sure it was annoying when they talked and laughed so loudly in the back of the classroom that it was difficult to concentrate, but she didn't see any reason to pay them any attention. "They think they can get away with everything, just because they are rich. They don't even have any talent." Sev spat out.

Lily couldn't help but disagree in her mind. Both Potter and Black were always two of the first students to understand a lesson, especially in Transfiguration, and that prank had been funny enough that even Flitwick laughed. But she had no desire to correct Sev, so she just nodded her head and hummed in agreement. She didn't want to fight with Sev again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta reader hurricanhairandemeraldeyes.
> 
> AN. This is only a short chapter. It's a bit about Severus early jealousy towards Lily's new friends and James and Sirius for how effortless they can be the center of attention and make everybody like them. A skill young Severus would like to have, but just doesn't. I don't think Severus had a lot of experiences in sharing his friend and he is not very good at it and Lily has to teach him how to. This isn't how he imagined their Hogwarts years. His plan was for them to be in one house and share every class and the two of them against he world. Now Lily is in Gryffindor while he is in Slytherin and she has other friends beside him.
> 
> Apart from that, I personally think that the rivalry between Snape and James was mutual and even early on both sides disliked the other.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter and leave a comment.
> 
> Have a nice day.


	4. Year 1 Chapter 4

"Don't you know that you will get bitten when you hang out with snakes?"

Potter's words rang in her head after she finished defending Sev against Potter and Black again. Their "pranks" made Lily angry. Just because Black got that stupid screaming letter from his parents didn't give them the right to play some stupid prank on Sev. Lily was sure that it was just a coincidence that Sev had laughed at the same time Black's letter arrived. Sev knew what it was like to have a parent scream at you. He wouldn't think it was funny, when it happened to others. Dorcas and Sulfia thought that Sev had laughed at Black too, but her friends just didn't know Sev like she did.

But even more than the stupid prank, it was Potter's words that annoyed her. She grasped Sev's hand tighter as she pulled him away from the taunting Gryffindors. If she was honest with herself she knew why, the words wouldn't leave her head. She still hadn't talked with Sev about Slytherin.

Maybe it was time. Lily brought Sev to a hault when they reached the outside.

"Sev?" Why was her voice so shaky? She cleared her throat before continuing, "Is it true that Slytherins don't like muggleborns?"

Lily absentmindedly played with her fingers while Sev was quiet for some time. "Why do you ask that?" Lily sighed as he had avoided her question. "Is it something Potter or Black said? Because you know, they are idiots."

"No… It's something that the girls said…"

"I told you that they don't like me!" Sev hissed back. "Why do you care what they say?"

"This is not what this is about!" Lily shouted back in turn. "Is it true that Slytherins don't want muggleborns in their house?" She asked again, intensely staring at her friend.

Sev looked away and shrugged his shoulders, as if the answer wasn't important at all.

"Well then it is probably better that I am in Gryffindor." Lily told him and crossed her arms as well. "If they wouldn't even want me in your oh so great house."

"It's not like we would have told them that you are muggleborn…" Sev mumbled and kicked a stone away. "We could easily say that you are an illegitimate halfblood from a Weasley or Prewett or soemthing."

Lily stopped and watched him for a moment. Her tummy felt funny in an unpleasant way.

"I forgot my charms homework in my dorm." She told him and turned around to run back to the Gryffindor tower. Lily quickly brushed underneath her eyes as she left Severus. She wasn't crying though, she just got a water drop on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN. Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes for being such a great beta reader.
> 
> In this we see an aftermath of The best second chapter. James' words stick with Lily for some time, because she still don't know what to think about Slytherin.
> 
> Severus here is very clumsy with his words. He just can't admit that he was wrong, that wishing Lily into Slytherin would be dangerous and wrong for her. He is just trying the justify why it wouldn't be so bad, but the idea that Severus wants her to deny her family in front of other people hurts. It feels like betrayal to her. Lily doesn't want to hide her family or be ashamed for them.
> 
> Snape ever seemed to be the guy that was good at maning up to his faults, considering that he still hates James for things that Snape isn't innocent in.
> 
> The world of magic isn't how Severus always described it and now that starts to have a troll on their friendship.


	5. Year 1 Chapter 5

Sev and Lily never stayed angry at each other for long. A few days after their fight, the two were back to studying in an unused classroom. Lily insisted on practicing the Wingardium Leviosa charm a bit more, even though both of them managed to perform it in the lesson. Sev first thought that it was unnecessary to waste time on a spell they already knew when they could be learning new ones.

"Don't fear the man that practices 10000 kicks once. Fear the man that practices one kick 10000 times." Lily said while trying to put on a wise face. "Or something like that."

"What are you talking about?" Sev looked at her as if she lost her mind.

"You know Bruce Lee, from the movies." Lily punched and kicked the air for a moment, but stopped at the dismissive look on Sev's face. "Never mind." Lily mumbled, but quickly pepped up again. "What I mean to say is, that we might know the spell, but we haven't mastered it. I want to keep practicing it, so that we will always be in full control of the spell no matter what." She pulled her eyes wide open slightly stuck out her bottom lip, like she always did when she begged her dad for something.

"Ok fine…" Sev agreed with a sigh. "What do you want to do?"

A wide and sly grin grew on Lily's face. Suddenly, she made a quill fly up in the air and sent it at Sev to tickle his ears.

"No, stop that!" Sev shouted, trying to sound angry, but he soon started to giggle. Lily stopped the quill for a moment.

"Just you wait!" Sev said before making his own quill fly.

Soon their quills were dueling in the air as the two friends laughed and tried to tickle each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes. You are the best beta reader I could wish for.
> 
> To the chapter: Severus and Lily are friends and they have fun with each other, even if some things are not easy to deal with for them. But they are young and the war is not something they think about at that time. Lily is of course into muggle culture in a way not even Severus is, because he is just not interested in that part of his heritage.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter and please leave a review.
> 
> Have a nice day.


	6. Year 1 Chapter 6

Potions was fun and the teacher, Professor Slughorn, seemed nice. He didn't look as stern as Professor McGonagall. Not that McGonagall wasn't nice too, but Slughorn seemed more approachable.

Lily was fascinated by the color changing potions, the swirling fumes and the different ingredients. It had its own kind of magic. On top of that, it was one of the few classes she actual had together with Sev. For some reason, the teachers rarely put Gryffindors and Slytherins together in the same classes. So Lily happily sat down next to Severus, while Sulfia and Dorcas sat together at the table beside them.

She flashed a big grin at Sev when he returned with some of the ingredients for today's potion. Carefully, she caressed the different elderwood leaves with her fingertips, before picking two of them.

"These two are the best." She told Sev before handing him one of them.

"I still think it's hogwash that you can feel a difference in the leaves." Sev answered, but still took the leaf.

"Of course you can!" Lily told him. She took his hand and made him run his finger over the leaves as well. "Can you feel it? It just seems so much more alive than this one. Like there is this small pulse and the leaf-veins are softer in this one than the others."

Lily knew that Sev preferred the direct and more dramatic magic of the other subjects; like Defence, but Lily felt that the slow magic involved in brewing a potion was beautiful in its own way. She wanted to show Sev this magic, but he was a bit impatient to prove himself. Potions needed time and couldn't really be used in a duel and apparently being used in a duel was most important for something to be 'cool'. Severus looked down at their hands and slowly lifted the leaf up against the light.

"Oh!" He exclaimed and looked at Lily with excitement. "You are right!"

Lily felt happiness grow within her. Yes, she could share her passion for potions with Sev. He was already good at them but together they could be great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta reader hurricanhairandemeraldeyes. Not only for cleaning up my terrible spelling, but for always having an open ear if I don't know how to write an idea.
> 
> To the chapter: Very often I read how Lily only gets good grades in Potions because Severus helps her and I'm personally annoyed by that idea. Why can't it be Lily that first showed Snape the beauty of Potions? Snape always seemed to me like a kid that would be eager to prove himself and show some form of dominance and other fast and flashier magic is much better for that. He is still brilliant in Potions, but it is Lily who has real passion for the subject. Snape never showed any passion for it in the books. He is good at it, but not passionate about it. One of the first things we learn about him is that he wants to teach another subject. He has no interest to get the students excited for the subject and he has no interest in helping a brilliant student like Hermione. We know his true passion and that is the Dark Arts.
> 
> After Lily died the last of the passion Lily gave him for the subject died with her.
> 
> Please leave a review and tell me what you think.
> 
> Have a nice day.


	7. Year 1 Chapter 7

"Mudblood."

What a strange word. Lily had only asked some of the older Slytherins where she could find Sev but they refused to answer. They just told her to leave them alone before calling her...that word.

Lily didn't know what it meant, but the disgusted voice they used and the sneer on their faces made pretty clear that it wasn't a nice word.

Later when she found Severus she asked him what it meant. He looked startled for a moment and refused to meet her eyes when he answered her.

"Nothing… It means nothing. It's just a stupid word, some stupid people use." Severus said, tugging on his sleeves nervously. "Don't worry about it."

Lily nodded and didn't ask any more questions.

It was late in the evening when everybody was already laying in bed, when Lily found the courage to ask again. She silently crept across the room towards Dorcas' bed. Lily had noticed that Sev didn't know all the things about the magical world. Sulfia and even Dorcas knew more about lots of things, which Lily was grateful for most of the time. She was still nervous about asking Sev about the awful things Sulfia told her about Slytherin, because if Sev didn't know about other things he surely didn't know how his house treated muggleborns.

She still asked Sev, when she didn't understand something, but sometimes she would talk to Sulfia and Dorcas as well when they came back to the dorm for the night.

"Dorcas? Are you still awake?" She asked in a quiet voice. A few seconds passed before, Dorcas opened her curtains while rubbed her eyes.

"Lily? What's the matter?" Dorcas yawned.

"Can I ask you something?" Lily stared down on her feet,wiggling her toes.

Dorcas looked at her a long moment before she made some room for Lily on her bed. "What is it?" She asked once Lily sat next to her.

Lily leant over and whispered in Dorcas' ear. "Mudblood-"

Lily couldn't even finish her question before Dorcas reacted by flinching back. "What?!" Dorcas practically shouted. Lily had never heard Dorcas raise her voice so loudly. The other three girls woke up at the sound. "Where did you hear that- that word?"

"What is going on?" Sulfia pulled her curtains wide open and stepped out. She wasn't shy at all, when she quickly inserted herself into their conversation and stalked over to Dorcas' bed. "What word?" Sulfia demanded from them.

Two other curtains briefly ruffled and soon Gwen and Gundola were sticking their heads out of their bed curtains as well. With all those eyes on her, Lily felt her face heat up.

"Somebody called Lily a m- the- the- ehm- the, you know, M-word." Dorcas voice got quieter the longer she talked and by the end she was speaking in a whisper. But everybody else was completely quiet as well, so everyone heard her clearly. All the other girls loudly gasped for air.

"How dare they?!" Sulfia shouted, stomping her feet in anger. "Stupid Slytherins!"

"How do you know it was a Slytherin?"

"Because it's always a bloody Slytherin!" Sulfia said in another shout, Dorcas, Gwen and Gundola nodded in agreement. "Who was it?" Sulfia demanded to know.

Lily shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know. An older girl, with black hair."

Sulfia pressed her lips so hard together that they were just a thin white line. Gwen and Gundola now opened their curtains completely and sat back down on the edge of their beds.

"What does it mean?" Lily was slightly afraid to ask again and embarrass herself further, as it seemed like everyone knew what that word meant except her, but she asked anyway.

"What do you mean? What does it mean?" Sulfia asked bewildered.

"Mudblood." Once again everybody around her sharply inhaled. "What does it mean? I know it's a bad word…"

"It's not only bad." Dorcas said in a quiet but firm voice. "It's a disgusting word that only the worst people use." The others all mumbled their agreement.

"It's what some morons call muggleborns." Gwen added. "To describe that their- your blood is dirty and not as pure as theirs."

"Gwen!" Gundola reprimanded her, which was strange because those two always agreed with each other.

"Well, Lily needs to know what all this is about." Gwen defended herself. "She can't protect herself from something she doesn't know about." The other girls looked uncomfortable at her words.

"Why would I need to protect myself against a silly name?" The tense air made Lily uneasy, but she tried to put on a brave face.

"It's more than just a silly name." Sulfia told her with pursed lips. She sat down on Dorcas' bed on Lily's other side. "Only people that don't want muggleborns here use that word."

"Here as in Hogwarts?" Lily asked Sulfia, but the blonde girl didn't meet her eyes.

"As in not alive…" Dorcas answered. Lily's head jerked around to stare at her in shock.

"Not alive?" Lily felt herself shiver. "As in killing?"

"There are only rumors. Nothing for sure… I heard my parents argue about it…" Sulfia looked uncharacteristically unsure of herself.

Lily shivered even more and her vision got blurry. Dorcas and Sulfia both put their arms around her. That night Lily slept in Dorcas bed, between Dorcas and Sulfia, who held her the whole night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes. You are the best beta reader I could wish for.
> 
> A.N. About the chapter. I said it before I say it again. The war was a lot longer than people like to pretend in fanfiction (ending after 11 years when they died with 21, Lily really missed the start of the war and to it was always going on and that is just the magical world). You could argue that the character slowly start to notice it more, but he was already going on when this characters first set foot into Hogwarts. Lily never saw a magical world that wasn't at war about her very right to live. Lily is confronted with this ideology very early, all of this children are confronted with it early.
> 
> Lily first asks Severus about this insult, but he doesn't want to admit to the whole truth and danger this word and ideology pose to Lily. Part of him maybe wants to protect her by not telling her. Her new friends just have a much more detailed knowledge about the magical world, because they other than Snape grew up in that world. They tell Lily about the dangers and try to comfort her after it, but they are honest with her.
> 
> Please leave a review and tell me what you think.
> 
> Have a nice day


	8. Year 1 Chapter 8

Lily had been very curious, when she first heard about Quidditch. She imagined taking her dad to a match one day. But Sev didn't give her much information on the sport.

"Only dimwitted showoffs play it." He told her flippant. "You should not waste your time on it."

But then he never understood her excitement every month when she got to go to the football stadium with her dad. Her dad liked Chelsea, but he was also a devoted fan of their first division hometown club FC Cokeworth. Tuney and Lily would go there with him and Uncle Tommy. The two would hold the girls up on their shoulders whenever an interesting play was happening. Biting into a somewhat fresh pie, while singing off-key football songs were some of her favorite memories with her father. He always worked long and hard hours as a miner and in the evening he was often too tired to spend much time with his daughters, so all of them cherish the time they could spend together.

Now she listened to Dorcas, Gwen and Gundola all try to explain the game to her at the same time, while Sulfia was drawing a huge poster of a lion. She sat on the floor of the dorm and everybody had to move around.

"The seeker is the most important player." Dorcas said, before turning towards a mirror to paint her face red and gold.

"There are four balls." Gwen told her at the same time.

"The beaters are only allowed to target the keeper with bludgers when the quaffle is in the attack half of the field." Gundola emphasized her words by swinging an imaginary bat around.

"When a seeker catches the snitch the game ends and their team gets 150 points."

"The Quaffle, two Buldgers and the Golden Snitch."

"You are not allowed to touch another's player's broom, if it's not a life-threatening situation."

"The Quaffle is for the Chasers, there are three on each team."

The girls were all talking over one another, and Lily jerked her head back and forth between them but couldn't understand what they were saying. She still had no idea of the rules when they pulled her along to the Gyffindor stands half an hour later.

But that didn't matter, because she felt right at home as soon as the match started. She whined with the players when a bludger hit, held her breath when the other team flew an attack, shouted at her chasers to pass that stupid ball already, complained that the referee was clearly blind, hugged the people next to her when the seekers went into a nosedive and screamed herself hoarse with the rest of the Gryffindors when their team finally won.

You can spend all the time in the world learning the rules, but nobody can teach you how to get the game. You have to feel that one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Thank you hurricanhairndemeraldeyes. You are still the best beta reader and you improve my writing so much and made the crazy ideas in my head readable.
> 
> To the chapter: Severus is a lot more isolated from the magical world than he likes to tell Lily and one of the things he is isolated from his quidditch. He probably never was at a game and couldn't find 'his' club when he was young. Additional he doesn't seem very into sports at all. He tries to turn Lily away from quidditch, because he doesn't know much about it and is embarrassed to tell her that. He likes to be the one to tell Lily everything and be admire by her for his knowledge, so whenever he doesn't know something he makes it seem like it isn't worth knowing about.
> 
> But Lily here wants to know about the sport. She maybe isn't a player, but every sports fan can tell you, that you don't need to be good at a sport to enjoy it. I like the idea that there are things and emotions from her muggle life and family that form her and her interests. And I don't want her to just hating or be interested in the sport for James. Watching a sport is fun and the idea that she would hide away from such an important social activity because she doesn't like one player seems ridiculous to me.
> 
> Please leave a review if you like it.
> 
> Have a nice day


	9. Year 1 Chapter

A loud bang, caused Lily to wince in her seat next to Sev. She immediately looked at her potion, to check if it was alright. After that she turned around to see what had caused the noise behind her.

Three rows back near the corner of the room, she saw Remus Lupin and Sirius Black with coal black faces and a few strands of burning hair. In front of them, were the remains of something that probably was once their cauldron. Black smoke rose from the ruins and formed dark clouds under the ceiling.

Professor Slughorn hurried over to them.

"Oh boys, what have you done?" The professor clucked his tongue while making sure that they were unhurt. "You are lucky that this is such a harmless potion."

Everybody's eyes were on the pair and Lily felt pity stir in her tummy at how embarrassed both Gryffindors looked. Next to her, Sev started to snicker. Lily quickly shot him a disapproving look. That wasn't very nice of Sev. Soon the rest of the class joined Severus in his fun. They pointed fingers in their direction and started mocking Black and Lupin. Professor Slughorn tried and failed to calm the class down.

It was James Potter who finally managed to shout over everybody's laughter. "At least they are fun and don't only live in books! Only know-it-alls and swots get everything right on the first try!" A couple of students mumbled agreement with him, but Sev glared at him with a sneer.

"Better a mischief maker than a teacher pet!" James said, daring anyone to continue laughing h at his friends.

Lily frowned and looked down at her own potion. It was perfect on the first try- Professor Slughorn had told her and Sev that just before the cauldron exploded. What right did Potter have to insult them because they did the potion right? Or was he only trying to defend his friends?

She still had those thoughts in the back of her head when the Gryffindor first years made their way to Charms after lunch. She managed the spell on her second try, but was the first person in class to do so. Professor Flitwick praised her, but apparently everyone else also l had Potter's words from Potion on their mind, because they all started to laugh at her when he shouted out;

"Of course Evans gets it. She has the best brain!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Thank you hurrricanhairandemeraldeyes for being my beta reader. Your hard work improves my writing so much. Thank you
> 
> To the chapter: This chapter correspond with a chapter of my other story 'The Best', where James is actual in awe with Lily's cleverness, he is just really bad at communicating that to her. Here we see the reason why everybody of course takes his comment the wrong why. He was defending his friends earlier with something similar and just wasn't thinking about it anymore. The thing is James makes a couple of mistakes, he doesn't even notice he makes when dealing with Lily. But they have time to learn to talk with each other.
> 
> Please leave a review and tell me what you think. For those that read both stories, does this way of combining the two stories work or does it feel repetitive?
> 
> Have a nice day.


	10. Year 1 Chapter 10

Lily's eyes flickered to her watch. She had a free period and normally she would go to the library to do some homework, but today the teachers were generous and didn't give them any. Should she still go? Lily often met with Sev in the library, but it wasn't a set date or anything. They just both happened to have a free period at the time and wound up meeting there.

However, the weather did look great outside. The afternoon spring sun was warm for Scotland and it would be fun to walk by the lake. .

"So the Featherlight spell. You are really good at it, right?" Sulfia packed her bag next to Lily and the two walked out of the classroom.

"I'm okay at it." Lily flushed lightly, she often got embarrassed whenever someone talked about the fact that she was top of the class. She was never sure if they meant it or were mocking her. Especially since, Dorcas said, that some people were irritated by her academic success, because she was muggleborn. When she complained about it to Severus, he once said that maybe she could hide how brilliant she was, that way the others would underestimate her and nobody would give her a hard time. But Lily didn't like that idea.

"You are great at that spell." Sulfia corrected her offhandedly. "I'm the one whose not so great at it. Do you have time to show me?"

If Lily had learned anything about Sulfia, it was that her pride wouldn't allow her to easily ask for help and this was probably the closest she would ever come to it. Sometimes, Lily found that annoying about her new friend, but at least she was getting better at asking.

"Sure. Is it ok, if we do this outside? It feels like we are always in the castle."

Sulfia gave her a relieved smile. "Yeah, that sounds great."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N Thank you Hurricanhairandemeraldeyes. I'm always impressed and grateful how much time and work you put into my story.
> 
> To the chapter: Severus and Lily are best friends, but there are moments when Lily would like to do other things than Severus normally likes to do or when she would like to spend time with her other friends. That doesn't mean that Lily is disloyal to Severus, it just means that she is a normal 12 year old girl.
> 
> Severus and her other friends have very different ways and opinions how to help Lily with a problem. While the Gryffindor girls stand by her side and are ready to take on the world with her, Severus prefers the sneaky way of avoiding the problem. Don't tell them you are muggleborn and nobody could attack you because of it. Don't show them how good you are and nobody is jealous of you. But Lily is a Gyffindor as well and not comfortable with this sneaky way of dealing with problems, because it doesn't really deal with the problem, it just avoids the consequences for it. But Severus wants to help as much as her new friends, just in a non-confront way.
> 
> This is the last chapter of the first year. Lily met a new world and new friends. She saw the first glimmers of the problems she will have to face for the rest of her life. But for now everything is mostly fantastic and she enjoys her new life with her old and new friends. James wasn't very important to her yet and so far he didn't make a very good impression on her.
> 
> Please leave a review.
> 
> Have a nice day


	11. Year 2 Chapter 11

The summer holidays back home were strange. After spending a year in Hogwarts and in the magical world everything seemed so ordinary and boring. Lily got a lot of letters from Sulfia and Dorcas and both had invited her over for a week, but she turned them down. Lily wrote back and replied that it was because she wanted to spend some time with her family, but really it was because Severus looked so hurt when she told him about the invitations.

"So you'll leave me for them even over the holidays?" His voice had sounded so desperate that Lily couldn't imagine upsetting him even more. She immediately told him that she wouldn't go and it was fine.

They had a lot of fun that summer, the two of them. Although the time when Lily invited him over to dinner didn't go very well.

"So how does transfiguration work? I mean, do you change the physical abilities of an object as well as its appearance? And if you changed something's mass where does this extra mass come from or go to?" Her father asked both Lily and Sev with shining eyes.

Lily looked over to Sev. She wasn't sure of the answer as well, so she hoped that Sev could explain it better.

"Oh, it's really complex," Sev answered in a haughty voice. "It's not something muggles like you could understand. It's just too complicated for you."

Her father looked taken aback at his response and her mum's spoon fell to her plate in shock. Lily was surprised as well. That was not very nice. Just because they weren't wizards didn't mean her family was incapable of understanding magic. But before Lily could correct him, Petunia started to talk.

"I told you he is a rude and terrible boy, Mum, and I really don't know why we should let him into our house." Petunia stood up and glared at Sev. "Either you send him home, or I will eat in my room! Sitting with this freak is not worth the new records you promised me!"

Lily's mum didn't look happy, but allowed Petunia to take her plate upstairs. But Lily had the gnawing feeling she would have preferred to send Sev home. The rest of the meal was quiet. Her parents only talked with each other and Lily ignored Sev's attempts to talk with her.

After that dinner, Lily's mum told her that it would be best not to invite Sev over anymore. Lily didn't argue with her and just nodded. Petunia got her records anyway.

Severus and Lily were only allowed to spend time together in the park, as Lily was not allowed to go to his house in Spinner's End. When they first became friends her parents once met with his parents, while the two of them played. Lily remembered that his mum had been funny but smelled like daddy did after Uncle Tommy's birthday. His dad had a cold look on his face as if he was unhappy about Lily's visit. It ended in a fight and after that they forbade Lily to go over there. Apparently his parents were not the kind of people her parents want Lily to associate herself with. Whatever that meant.

So Lily spent most of the summer packing some sandwiches for her and Sev, before meeting by swings to eat together and talk about magic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The summer holidays back home were strange. After spending a year in Hogwarts and in the magical world everything seemed so ordinary and boring. Lily got a lot of letters from Sulfia and Dorcas and both had invited her over for a week, but she turned them down. Lily wrote back and replied that it was because she wanted to spend some time with her family, but really it was because Severus looked so hurt when she told him about the invitations.
> 
> "So you'll leave me for them even over the holidays?" His voice had sounded so desperate that Lily couldn't imagine upsetting him even more. She immediately told him that she wouldn't go and it was fine.
> 
> They had a lot of fun that summer, the two of them. Although the time when Lily invited him over to dinner didn't go very well.
> 
> "So how does transfiguration work? I mean, do you change the physical abilities of an object as well as its appearance? And if you changed something's mass where does this extra mass come from or go to?" Her father asked both Lily and Sev with shining eyes.
> 
> Lily looked over to Sev. She wasn't sure of the answer as well, so she hoped that Sev could explain it better.
> 
> "Oh, it's really complex," Sev answered in a haughty voice. "It's not something muggles like you could understand. It's just too complicated for you."
> 
> Her father looked taken aback at his response and her mum's spoon fell to her plate in shock. Lily was surprised as well. That was not very nice. Just because they weren't wizards didn't mean her family was incapable of understanding magic. But before Lily could correct him, Petunia started to talk.
> 
> "I told you he is a rude and terrible boy, Mum, and I really don't know why we should let him into our house." Petunia stood up and glared at Sev. "Either you send him home, or I will eat in my room! Sitting with this freak is not worth the new records you promised me!"
> 
> Lily's mum didn't look happy, but allowed Petunia to take her plate upstairs. But Lily had the gnawing feeling she would have preferred to send Sev home. The rest of the meal was quiet. Her parents only talked with each other and Lily ignored Sev's attempts to talk with her.
> 
> After that dinner, Lily's mum told her that it would be best not to invite Sev over anymore. Lily didn't argue with her and just nodded. Petunia got her records anyway.
> 
> Severus and Lily were only allowed to spend time together in the park, as Lily was not allowed to go to his house in Spinner's End. When they first became friends her parents once met with his parents, while the two of them played. Lily remembered that his mum had been funny but smelled like daddy did after Uncle Tommy's birthday. His dad had a cold look on his face as if he was unhappy about Lily's visit. It ended in a fight and after that they forbade Lily to go over there. Apparently his parents were not the kind of people her parents want Lily to associate herself with. Whatever that meant.
> 
> So Lily spent most of the summer packing some sandwiches for her and Sev, before meeting by swings to eat together and talk about magic.


	12. Year 2 Chapter 12

"Tut-tut." Dorcas said and Sulfia dissolved into another round of laughter.

"Obviously, young lady." Sulfia deepened her voice to answer and sent the two girls into another fit of laughter.

Lily sat across from the two girls at the welcoming feast in the Great Hall. Sulfia and Dorcas had spent a lot of time with each other over the summer and were too busy remembering their new inside jokes to talk to Lily. Lily sighed softly before turning back to look at the food on her plate. She had decided not to visit them, it didn't make sense that she felt left out now.

After another burst of giggles, Lily raised her head to find Sev at the Slytherin table. He was talking to an older student, who Lily didn't recognize, but the dark haired girl that called Lily that awful name was sitting next to him. Lily turned her head away and towards the other end of the Gryffindor table. She saw Gwen and Gunny talking. A bit, further down she saw the boys in her year. She couldn't understand them, but James was talking a storm, while Remus looked a slightly ill, Peter listened to every word and Sirius pushed some food around his plate.

Typical James Potter. Always had to be the centre of attention. Just as she was about to turn back to Sulfia and Dorcas, she saw how he put some food on Remus' plate and seemingly ordered him to eat before throwing his arm around Sirius and saying him something to make him laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the chapter: It is always strange to see your friends have inside jokes you don't understand and Lily starts to feel left out. About James I have to say that even the most die-hard James-haters have to agree that he is a fantastic friend and at twelve year old he tries his very best to help his two friends that didn't seem alright in the best way he knows. I always imagined James as the soul and cornerstone of the Marauders and after he is murdered the life of the others crumbled to ashes. It is a bit heartbreaking. Here Lily sees a glimpse of what kind of friend he is and even if she doesn't want to she admires that in him.
> 
> Please leave a review and help me get motivated to write some more.
> 
> Have a nice day


	13. Year 2 Chapter 13

When Dorcas first told her that James Potter made the Quidditch team, Lily wasn't sure what to think. She liked watching the matches and she was slowly starting to understand some of the rules. But James Potter wasn't her favorite person in the class. On the other hand it was terribly exciting that someone in her year was good enough to play with the older students.

Lily stood in the stands with the other girls to watch Gryffindor against Hufflepuff. Her fellow Gryffindors had made a 'Potter Score!' poster with a roaring lion. James looked very small next to the other players, who were all at least in their fourth year. He looked like a little twig next to the rest of the team, even with his hair giving him an extra few inches.

The whistle blew and all players pushed themselves off the ground. The game was extremely chaotic as the field with a mix of red and yellow blurs, however Lily had no trouble focusing her attention on James. He was fast and agile flyer that could avoid the opposing chasers and bludgers really well. He swiftly twisted in the air and at times flew even upside down. But when the other players got close enough to him, he didn't yet have the strength to defend the ball, quaffle, from them.

Lily watched him and had to admit that he was very good at this. She cheered with the other girls whenever he got the ball (quaffle she reminded herself), which was surprisingly often. Apparently the strategy was for James flew the ba- quaffle from one end of the pitch to the other before passing it to another player to score. Sometimes when none of the others were fast enough in following him he tried to score himself, a few times he even hit.

After Gryffindor won the game everybody exploded in cheers and when Lily saw James on the way back to the common room she ran over to him to congratulate him. Apparently he was really tied from the game and even missed the door and ran into a wall. First Lily was afraid that he hurted himself, but the goofy smile on his lips convinced her that everything was ok with him. He nearly looked cute, like a little kitten, when he sat there on the ground and grinned like an idiot and with hair that stood up in every direction. Lily shook her head to banish that thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes for being my trusted beta reader.
> 
> About the chapter: I said it before I say it again; that Lily would exclude herself from such an important social interaction like Quidditch just because James is ridiculous. Additional my Lily grew up with the belief that you support your team no matter what. But I really think that for 12 year olds it must be exciting that one of their own is able to play on the team.
> 
> This is once again the other side of a story we already heard from James pov, but Lily here is clueless why he really ran into a wall ;) Who doesn't know should read my other story The Best.
> 
> Please leave a review for me to enjoy and
> 
> Have a nice day.


	14. Year 2 Chapter 14

"Now Potter thinks he is even greater. Just because he can throw a stupid ball through a hoop." Sev complained, while he grated a blackwood root.

"Mhmm…" Lily nodded her head absentmindedly but wasn't really listening to his words. Whenever Sev complained about Potter and his friends it got old really fast. She cubed the blackwood root as her friend continued to insult the messy haired quidditch player. Plus Lily actually liked the sport and was quite happy that Potter was able to 'throw a stupid ball through the hoops'. Sev sounded like a sore loser. Which was funny, because they haven't even played against Slytherin yet.

The two were both brewing the same potion, but they used different techniques to see which methods worked better. Lily had asked Professor Slughorn after their last potion class if he knew and if not how they could figure it out. Slughorn had been delighted and offered them an unused room for their experiment.

Cubing the root was a lot more difficult than the normal grating, and Lily's hands were sore from her efforts. But she didn't switch over to Sev's method as only the final test could reveal which was better. Once they both finished they made sure to weigh it to be exactly twenty-seven grams.

"Ok, it's time, Sev." She beamed at him, while both held the root over their cauldrons. "One, two, THREE!"

Both added their ingredients at the same time and watched the potions' reaction. Lily's potion took a moment longer to clear itself, but in the end was more transparent than Sev's. The put some samples in vials and went to Professor Slughorn's office to test the potions and see if their experiment had any effect on the quality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes. You are as lovely and helpful as I could wish for.
> 
> AN. Lily and Severus need some more time to bond and enjoy each others company. They have some of the same interests and are curious about their magic. Severus likes to complain about James, but Lily can't really understand his fixation on the other boy.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and leave me a review.
> 
> Have a nice day


	15. Year 2 Chapter 15

Lily stared angrily at the four Gryffindor boys. They were making fun of Sev again. Sev had accidentally bumped into one of them and they were making a big show out of it.

"Eck! Now I'm all greasy!" Black whined, turning to the other three.

"Stay away from me, now you have Snivelitis!" Potter laughed and avoided being touched by his friend. The others snickered at Black's overly wounded face.

Lily tried to pull Sev along with her. They weren't worth it. But Sev didn't buckle and instead stared at them, his lips curled into a snarl. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Soon the grease will spread all over you and then you will build a grease cocoon and turn into a Snivellus as well." Potter continued.

"The horror!" Black screeched. The others laughed.

Lily tried again to pull Sev along. "Come on let's go to the library." She mumbled and turned away from the boys, but Sev still didn't follow.

Pettigrew then made some sniffing noises and mimicked Sev's voice. "Sniff, sniff, I'm the greasiest and creepiest of them all. Sniff, sniff."

After that everything happened really quickly, but as her back was turned Lily couldn't see it. All she heard was a curse being fired and a scream. When she turned around a Petrificus Totalus hit Severus and he fell over. Lily screamed and immediately knelt down next to him. She turned around and glared at the four boys. Potter still had his wand out and pointed it at Severus. Lily was about to shout at him, when she saw that Black and Lupin stood next to a crying Peter. It looked like part of his face was burned.

"Don't you ever touch my friends again, Snivellus." Potter growled.

Lily looked from him to Sev and felt very confused. They mocked Sev and Sev was her best friend, but Sev reacted violently first… Lily waited until the four left with Peter to see the nurse before she lifted the body-bind on Severus. She didn't say anything to him, but left for the Gryffindor tower on her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you hurrianhairandemeraldeyes for being my beta reader.
> 
> About the chapter: The fight between the Marauders and Snape was not one-sided. Both sides went after the other and both sides are guilty for how everything escalated. They don't fight with the same weapons in this fight. James and the Marauders humiliate Snape with their mocking and pranks, but Snape is using dark magic and tattle them off to teachers. Only because Snape feels like the victim, doesn't mean he isn't an aggressor as well.
> 
> Some will maybe say that he was only fighting back, but in a way that can be the Marauders excuse as well. They just made a few jokes and he threw dark curses at them, so they just fought back.
> 
> Lily here is conflicted. She knows of course that hurting somebody is worst than mocking them, but Severus is her best friend and she wants to be on his side.
> 
> I hope you like it and if not tell me why. Please leave a review.
> 
> Have a nice day.


	16. Year 2 Chapter 16

Christmas was one of Lily's favorite times of the year. Her house was always beautifully decorated and colorful and full of lights! She loved it. Even Petunia was kind of nice over Christmas, at least as long as Lily didn't talk about magic. The two of them even stayed up late on Christmas Eve and watched the stars with the muggle telescope they got three years ago. They had begged their parents for it after they saw the moon landing on TV.

"There is the Cassiopeia. Can you see the W?" Petunia told her sister in what Lily liked to call "her teacher voice".Tuney waved her over to the telescope and Lily looked through it.

"Where?" She asked. The truth was, Lily knew the answer, but Petunia looked so happy when she could explain something like this to her. Before Lily went to Hogwarts and had astronomy once a week, Petunia was the more knowledgeable of the two about constellations. Petunia shooed her away once more and took another quick look through the telescope, then she stepped back again.

"Right there. The first star is at the right end, the next is down to the left and so on." Petunia first showed her the stars without the telescope.

"Yes, I see them now." Lily then smiled brightly at her sister. "Thank you."

The girls stood in silence while watching the stars a little bit more until Petunia said. "There are some astronomy and science fair in the planetarium in London. It's on the 28th. If we both ask Mum and Dad, I'm sure they would take us there…" Her voice was casual, but she was watching out Lily of the corner of her eyes.

Warmth spread through Lily and she felt her cheeks heat up. With far too much excitement Lily answered. "Yes, a thousand times yes!"

Petunia had a small smile on her face as she took in her sister's reaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes for being brilliant and lovely and so unbelievable helpful.
> 
> About the chapter: This is one of my favorite chapters in the second year. I love writing fluff and there is far to little fluff between those two.
> 
> Many people forget it, but it is far more difficult to hate a sibling you live with than often shown in fanfics. Petunia as we see her in the last book is hurt about never finding peace with Lily and losing her little sister and once best friend. People don't look at anything that happened from her point of view. She lost her sister and best friend to this rude and creepy boy and a world she couldn't follow.
> 
> Did she write to Dumbledore because she really wanted to be a witch or did she only search for a way to get back what she lost, her best friend and sister? I'm convinced that there is a lot of hurt and misunderstanding between them, but in a way both girls miss each other and now without Severus around it is easier for them to connect at least a little bit.
> 
> Please leave a review


	17. Year 2 Chapter 17

Lily watched Sev from an obscure corner of the library. He was talking to his new friends. Seeing them made Lily uneasy. She knew that Sev struggled to bond with the people in his house and that she should be happy that he was making friends, but she just couldn't. They were creepy and there was something very mean about them. The hair on the back of her neck always stood up when she came past them in the halls. They always looked at her as if she was something stinky and disgusting.

Since the fight with Potter, when Peter was burned, those new friends started to spend time with Sev. Lily had come back from the Christmas holidays to find Sev huddled together with a few other Slytherins.

Lily tried to tell herself that it was no different than her spending time with Dorcas and Sulfia. But it didn't feel the same.

"Severus, someone with your talents could achieve a lot in life, if he chooses his companions with care. Always remember that," one of the older boys said to Sev. Lily wasn't sure what it meant.

Lily tried to tune out Sev and his friends while reading something about magical creatures. There were so many things that were new to she came to Hogwarts she expected to see some creatures, but she didn't meet many of them. Dragons, unicorns, ghosts, vampires and werewolves. That was what she expected. She saw ghosts everyday, but she was disappointed to find the rest were absent. Sure she heard that there are unicorns in the Forbidden Forest, but she never saw one. And dragons existed, lots of dragons, but they all lived far away from people, for everybody's safety.

Lily thought the same was true for vampires and werewolves, but she wasn't sure. She looked in her book. Maybe there was some more information. She read up on it and it sounded horrifying. Werewolves for example were normal people, most of the time, but were still classified as creatures. That didn't seem fair.

"Of course. I'll keep that in mind and stay away from bloodtraitors." Sev answered the boy. Lily's hands balled into fists at his tone. Bloodtraitor. What did that word mean? It definitely wasn't kind. Why was Sev even using it? Maybe the older students intimidated Sev and he was just saying what they wanted to hear.

Lily stared back at her book.

Werewolves are classified as half-breeds. For years, many advocated the creation of a register to track all kinds of half-breeds.

"Yes, those and other scum that pollutes our world," came a snide voice. It was the girl that first called her mudblood. Lily would never forget that voice.

She stared at the book harder and tried to ignore their conversation.

There are some that argue that this classification is unwarranted, because they only turn into a dangerous wolf once a month on full moon and that they don't hand down the curse to their offspring.

"Bellatrix is right. Even an halfblood like you has a place in this new world." Someone put his arm around Sev's shoulders and he didn't fight it off. They moved towards the door and pulled Sev with them. Did Sev always have to listen to that kind of talk in his house? He must be sick of it!

Pureblood. Halfblood. Mudblood. Halfbreed. Bloodtraitor. Blood, blood bleeding bloody blood. What is with this obsession with blood in the magical world?

Lily closed her book and looked for another one about werewolves. One that talked better, nicer about them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes for being my fantastic beta reader.
> 
> About the chapter: Once he showed his talent in the dark arts, those kind of people notice Snape and try to get them to follow their ways. Snape is all for a chance to be given a reason the fight against James and Sirius even more and have people at his back for it. That was why he concentrated on the bloodtraitors. The other students remind him that there is more, but don't push it. They want to catch more people for their plans and evil ideology and the best way is to let people first just agree with what they want to agree with. Snape wants to have something to feel superior over James and Sirius. They maybe have the purer blood, but at least Snape honors his blood, not like them.
> 
> Through that they pull him further in. And Snape is arrogant enough to believe that he could use them without being used in return.
> 
> I'm not saying it is James and Sirius' fault that Snape goes that way. I'm a firm believer that everybody is responsible for his own decisions. But they were part of his motivation. Snape is ambitious and wants to be better than them.
> 
> Lily here refuses to see Snape's darker side and makes excuses for her friend, while at the same time recognizing that something sinister is happening. She wants to believe in the best of Snape, while at the same time she develops morals so completely different than his.
> 
> Please leave a review and have a nice day


	18. Year 2 Chapter 18

Lily tried to pay attention, but Professor Binns made it really difficult. No she would pay attention! She looked down at her notes. The Second Goblin Revolt. She tried to write down all the important names and dates, but sometimes it was so hard to know what information was important. . She wrote down the day's date on the top corner of her parchment and then she looked in her astronomy calendar, before drawing a nearly full moon under it. She loved astronomy back home with her sister, but at Hogwarts it was so different that it was one of her weaker classes. She tried to get more of a feeling for it.

Lily found her mind wandering over to the Gryffindor boys. Remus looked ill again. He would probably have to miss some classes in a couple of days. He was ill a lot and Lilly worried a little bit that it was a serious illness off some kind. She and Remus, weren't really great friends or even good friends. He was only close to Potter and Black and Pettigrew as well, but that one was quiet most of the time and but the other two were always mean to Sev.

But most of the time Remus was nice. Sometimes they met in the library and a few times he borrowed her books. Lily shook her head and stared down at her own notes. She always made sure to have good notes. After class she would always read through her notes again and if possible read up some more in the library. Lily was always afraid that she would miss some critical piece of information that the professor just didn't mention, because of course everybody should know that already. For the last couple of months Lily thought to share her notes with Remus when hes fell ill, but she didn't want him to think the wrong things, like that she could like him. Ick! But she had thought about it and even copied her notes the last two times he fell ill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being my beta reader hurricanhairandemeraldeyes.
> 
> About the chapter: Lily here feels and fears some of the differences between her upbringing in the muggle world and the one in the magical one. She struggles with completely integrating into her new world and fearing that she misses some important clues on the way. It sometimes feels like Hogwarts is missing a class just to show muggleborn children something of the magical world, it would probably help Lily and others to relax a little bit more.
> 
> Apart of that Lily worries about Remus, but they are still young and the embarrassment that somebody could think that she likes him is just too big for now.
> 
> I hope you like it and leave a comment for me to enjoy
> 
> Have a nice day


	19. Year 2 Chapter 19

It was Lily's birthday. She felt all giddy! But tried to play it cool. She was thirteen now and a teenager. Teenagers did not get giddy about presents. Still, when Dorcas and Sulfia pulled open her curtains and sang Happy Birthday to her she squealed and was so so very happy!

There were some presents waiting for Lily on the foot of her bed! Dorcas gave her a book named Quidditch Through the Ages. Since the first time watching the game together, Dorcas made it her mission to teach Lily everything about the sport. Lily laughed and hugged her friend. Sulfia gave her a nice new quill and a beautiful golden silk scarf.

"Well you naturally have the red, so you are only missing some gold to always show your Gryffindor spirit."

The scarf was so nice, Lily was nearly afraid to touch it, but Sulfia looked so eager and asked her to try it on. Lily caressed the fine material for a moment before wrapping it around her neck. She grinned at Sulfia, who watched her for a moment, before tucking it loose again and put it in a different knot around her neck, then she grinned back.

"Now it's perfect!"

Gwen and Gunny got her some sugar quills, her favorite magic sweet. Even if the others swore that there were lots of better sweets that they could show her at Hogsmeade, Lily swore up and down that they were the best. Lily just loved to suck on them when she studied or sometimes even during lessons! There was one strange box, that had a few things in it. A golden lion hair clip,a nice bookmark and a couple of chocolate fogs, the card next to it read 'From the Marauders'. Lily hadn't heard that name yet and when she asked the other girls they seemed just as clueless. But it was probably from the Gryffindor boys. The boys and girls in their Gryffindor year made it a tradition to always prepare a little present if one of them had their birthday. Never the less the hair clip was interesting. It roared when you touched it!

"That will look great at Quidditch matches!" Dorcas clapped her hands in excitement. "It could roar every time Gryffindor scores."

There was one more present on the pile. It was from her parents. There was no present from Sev, but she knew he would give it to her later. She and Severus liked to exchange gifts in person.

She opened the gift from her parents. It was a thick book. Basics of Chemistry. She flipped open the cover and noticed the material seemed advanced. There was a card from her parents between the pages.

_Happy Birthday Lily_

_I hope you celebrate with her friends and have lots of fun!_

_We love you and miss you._

_Feel a thousand hugs and kisses sent to you._

_Love Mum and Dad_

_And Petunia_

The last line was written in Petunia's handwriting and Lily's jumped in her chest.

Below that her dad wrote a P.S. with another pen.

_PS: We hope you like the book. It was Petunia's idea. She said that at the science fair you were in awe of the chemistry tricks and were sad that you don't learn any at your school. We thought it would be nice to follow her idea._

Lily felt tears well up in her eyes. She had made that comment offhandedly to Petunia and been worried that she had broken the unspoken rules of their truce by mentioning Hogwarts, because Petunia had looked at her funny. But she remembered and thought of a perfect present for her.

Lily pressed the book to her chest and hugged it tightly. This was the best present. Lily had never felt so excited before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Thank you hurricanhairandenerald eyes for being my beta reader.
> 
> In this chapter I wanted to show a bit of the relationship between the Gryffindors. Even if they are not good friend, they still spend a lot of time together, but the idea to give personal presents to a boy or girl is still a bit much, because of that the boys here made a present box together. On the other hand I wanted to show that there is still something between Lily and Petunia. Petunia is missing her sister from before Snape showed up as well. In a way Petunia keeps scores, whenever Lily shows interest in the normal muggle life it is a point for Lily and Petunia tries to encourage those things, but each time Lily runs of with Snape is a point against her. Lily don't really know that, but she is happy over each kind of peace offer from Petunia.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter and leave a review for me.
> 
> One other thing, I caught up with my beta reader for this story and because she is a wonderful but busy person, I don't know when she has time to work on this story again, it can take some time until I update again.
> 
> Have a nice day.


	20. Year 2 Chapter 20

Potter was looking at her and it made Lily uncomfortable. Most the times when those boys were watching someone it was because they wanted to prank them. Lily didn't want to show fear and suppressed her urge to hide behind her book. If that, that rascal, wanted to prank her; she would take him head on. She looked him right in the eyes and raised an eyebrow. Well, tried to. It was really difficult to only raise one eyebrow. Petunia and Sulfia were really good at it and sometimes in the evening, when she laid in bed and couldn't sleep Lily tried to learn to do it herself.

But it worked! James saw her challenging look and turned red before looking away. Lily 1, Potter 0.

"What are you looking at?" Sulfia asked next to her. When she followed Lily's line of sight, her voice got a bit higher. "Oh the boys! Aren't they cute!" Dorcas giggled next to her.

Lily pulled her nose up. "Cute? Kittens and baby owls with tiny hats are cute, but not some stupid boys." The other two just waved her off. As they always did when they talked about boys.

"Oh, poor Remy is ill again." Dorcas said. Lily wasn't sure when Sulfia and Dorcas decided to call them Remy, Siri and Jamsie, but she always had to snicker when she heard those nicknames. Silly nicknames aside, Remus was really ill again. Lily still hadn't give him her notes. He was friends with Potter and Black, surely they could take some notes for him. Lily looked down at her notes and frowned. The little circle under the date informed her that it was a full moon, again. Wasn't he sick last time at full moon as well?

Lily hastily pulled out the other notes she prepared for Remus and never gave him. On each she saw the same full circle.

Full moon… What was special about the full moon? Sure there were- Werewolf!

Remus was a werewolf! Maybe… Would they let a werewolf go to Hogwarts? But if Remus was one, then he was a normal student most of the time. Why wouldn't they let him learn? Everybody needed to go to school, right? Some books said that werewolves were tricky and backstabbing even in human form, but then Remus would be in Slytherin as well, right? But maybe she was wrong; maybe it was only a coincident. Lily tried to remember if there ever was an astronomy class at full moon with Remus around. She couldn't remember a single one.

She stuffed her notes and books back into her bag and got up.

"I have to look something up in the library." She told her friends. They only looked up from their boys-discussion for a moment.

Sulfia just waved her off and Dorcas reminded her: "But don't stay to long. In an hour we have curfew."

"Don't worry. I'll hurry." Lily nearly ran out of the common room and to the library.

She pulled books about werewolves from shelves and hurried to read up on them again. There was a list of symptoms and Lily checked off each and every one on her mental list against Remus. It matched.

What was she supposed to do now? Normally she would ask her mum for advice when she didn't understand something, but she couldn't really help her with werewolves, right? She put the books away again and slowly walked back to the Gryffindor tower. Should she just tell Remus that she knew? She was lost in her thoughts when she walked past the transfiguration classroom.

McGonagall! She would know what to do!

Lily ran to McGonagall's office. Only after she knocked on the door did another thought occurred to her. What if it was a secret? What if Remus had to leave if the teachers find out? She didn't want to cause problems for Remus. Before she could decide on anything the door opened.

For a moment Lily nearly didn't recognize the strict house teacher of Gryffindor. Her long dark hair was down for one and she was wearing a morning robe. She had slippers with little flying snitches on. She looked younger than normal and for a short moment Lily wasn't sure if it really was Professor McGonagall.

"Miss Evans, it is one minute before curfew. What exactly are you doing here?" Now the cutting voice couldn't be confused with anyone else.

"Eh, you see, I have this friend," Lily started and wasn't sure where to go with her sentence. McGonagall crossed her arms and pursed her lips. "Who has a friend that maybe hypothetical could be a werewolf."

McGonagall got unnatural still and looked at Lily for a long moment, before she stepped aside and opened the door. "Please come in, Miss Evans."

Lily stepped into the office. She never was in a teacher's office before and suddenly felt shy. Only naughty children had to go to the teacher's office, right? But Lily didn't do anything naughty.

"Take a seat, Miss Evans." The professor pulled out a chair and tipped it with her wand. The hard wood chair transformed into a soft and comfortable armchair. "Biscuits? Tea?" A tea set flooded into the room and filled two cups.

"Thank you, Professor." Lily timely took the cup and a biscuit. It tasted good, well.

"So that friend of yours…" The professor sat down opposite of her. She mustered Lily with an intense look.

"Eh, yes. My friend has another friend who could be a werewolf. Hypothetical!" Lily couldn't look the professor in the eyes and instead looked down at her tea cup.

"Hypothetical, of course… Why do you- Why does your friend think one of her friends could be a werewolf?" Lily could feel McGonagall's eyes on her and heat rose up on her cheeks.

"He shows all the signs. Always missing at the full moons, sick before and after, shaking hands, tired on new moons, scars and scratches…" Lily mumbled. "hypothetical."

"Interesting." McGonagall's voice was carefully neutral, but Lily still didn't look at her. "What exactly do you want to know?"

"Well, I'm not sure… How should I-" Lily cleared her throat. "I mean, how should my friend react to that? Hypothetical…"

"Werewolves don't have an easy place in our society. Many fear them and on a full moon, for a reason." The woman watched her over her glasses and started to pull her hair up. "But other than that they are as dangerous as any other witch or wizard. We can only learn to live together if we fight against the mistrust, hate and fear on both sides and for that we are the ones that have to reach out."

"Ah…" Lily thought about it. Yes, she read a lot of nasty stuff in books and only a few nice things, but the Professor made it sound so much easier. "So he won't be dangerous?" Lily had to make sure.

"If your friend didn't plan to take full moon midnight strolls with him, she should be fine."Lily giggled at these words from the professor that would be really stupid. McGonagall continued. "But Miss Evans, I would like to remind you and your friend that a suspicion like that should be kept quiet even from your friends, especially your best friend." Her glace turned hard and strict. Lily swallowed and nodded. "Do you have any more questions?"

Lily shook her head. "Not right now." She mumbled. "Could I come back another time, if I have any more questions?" Lily nearly didn't dare to look up, but when she did McGonagall only had a patient smile on her face.

"Of course."

Lily smiled a toothy smile at her and jumped up from her armchair. "Thank you very much and good night Professor."

She raced to the door, but was stopped by McGonagall's voice. "Wait a moment." Lily turned around again. The professor handed her a piece of parchment. "It is after curfew. If somebody stops you on the way back to the tower, just show them this."

"Of course, thank you. Again." Lily put the parchment away and pulled open the door.

"Oh, and Miss Evans, you are an extraordinary clever girl and from what I saw and heard about you, you are kind as well. I'm sure you will come to the right conclusion on your own."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Lily finds out about Remus, mostly because once she notice that he is ill not once, but twice or more on a full moon, there is no other explanation to her but werewolf. I mean, there are only a handful of creatures Lily heard about as a muggleborn when she was young and those are ghosts, unicorns, dragons, vampires and yes werewolves. And she must have started her life in Hogwarts expected those things to be around every corner.
> 
> Lily here than seeks help about this new information and does what most of us that have a normal and healthy relationship with adults and authorities have (not Harry). She turns to her teacher, but even then she tries to avoid getting Remus in trouble, so both just avoid saying Remus' name.
> 
> Please leave a review and help be improve my writing. Does it feel natural and right how Lily acts here and can you recognize McGonagall. I always saw her as strict and yes she has students she likes more than others (something no teacher is free from) and she would protect her students fiercely, she is still fair to everybody.
> 
> Have a nice day.


	21. Year 2 Chapter 21

Lily still thought about what to do about Remus a week later. All her friends asked her what she was thinking about all the time. Severus was hurt when she was with him and didn't catch what he was saying because so many thoughts were running through her head. Sulfia and Dorcas giggled when they saw her watching Remus one day in class. Now they were all talking how she had a crush on him.

ECK! Crushes were stupid and for a short time Lily even avoided Remus, because she didn't want people to think that.

But truth be told, she would have probably decided on something sooner, if it weren't for that stupid Valentine's day prank the Marauders played. Normally Lily would be down with a prank on that stupid day. To see so many people kiss was just BAH!

So when a hundred or thousand slimy green frogs rained down in the great hall and all those kissing people, it should have been funny. Lily even laughed at the beginning. That was until she noticed that all of them had a tuft of bright red hair and some of them croaked her name. People started to point at her and laugh. She knew Potter had been planning a prank on her when he stared at her in the common room!

Stupid Marauders! All of them! Remus didn't deserve any notes or help from her!

These were her thoughts when she ran back from a small potion experiment. She had Petunia's book with her. It was sometimes difficult to understand, but it was very interesting. Lily was trying to see if catalysts would work with potions as well and if you could use muggle chemistry catalysts for potions. Apparently few wizards and witches ever worried about what was happening in a potion and if there were parts in it that just change other things but not itself.

Sev first thought that it was stupid and that nothing a muggle found out could ever help in a potion, but he still sat down with her and read with her through advanced potion books in hope to see similarities or at least Lily looked for them. Sev maybe was just reading the advanced potions.

Lily and Sev talked a little bit after and Sev complained again that the teachers let the marauders get away with so many pranks. Like last potion class, when they made all cauldrons randomly switch places. Slughorn found it amusing and thought that it could give them a deeper understanding for the pepper-up potion if they always had to check how far the potion in front of them was. Not a single successful potion was brewed that lesson, but Slughorn still gave everybody good grades for the lesson. But did Sev really have to tell Slughorn it was them that did it? But then again they got away with it because Slughorn didn't want to punish them when he didn't saw them do it himself. Yes, the boys got away with lots of stuff and that made Lily think about the stupid Valentine's prank again.

She turned around a corner and ran into someone. It was Avery. He was a Slytherin in their year and Lily often saw him sit with Sev at meals. Two other Slytherins were with him.

"Oh sorry." Lily didn't like him very much, but she wanted Sev to get along with her friends, so she should try to be nice to his friends, right? Lily forced a small smile on her lips and stepped around him.

"Can't you look where you're going?" He sneered down at her. Lily balled her fists, he ran into her as much as she ran into him. She didn't say anything else and walked away from them. She could still hear Avery. "Now I have to burn my robes. You never know that filth you could catch. Worthless mudbloods shouldn't even be here, my dad says. That's why he is now doing something about it. Lord Voldemort is going to finally clean up, dad says, so that we don't have to deal with vermins like mudbloods and halfbreeds."

It wasn't the first time Lily heard that name, Voldemort, whispered between students. Nobody really knew who he was and what exactly he was doing, but it never sounded good. Some said he had something to do with the missing and killed people. Lily shook with anger. So she was a vermin, along with halfbreeds right? Maybe it was time for the vermin to form their own group!

She stormed up to the Gryffindor tower and got out all the notes she made for Remus and cornered him to next chance she got. She was lucky. That evening Potter had Quidditch training and Black and Pettigrew had detention. Remus just got through the portal hole, when Lily grabbed his wrist and pulled him back out to an unused room. He looked a bit wary and surprised, but before he could say something, Lily shoved all the notes into his arms.

"Here. Those are from the days you weren't around." Lily told him. She could still feel the anger on her heated cheeks.

"Eh, thank you?" Remus didn't sound very convinced.

"You have to learn with it and be good with those notes. They don't have the right to say that we don't belong here, so you and me have to prove to them that we belong, that we are as good as anybody else. Better than anybody else!" Lily started to pace back and forth.

"Who?" Remus asked. "And why you and me?"

"They! Those people that say muggleborns and halfbreeds don't belong at Hogwarts or in the Magical world! We have to show them!" Lily was so frustrated, she stomped her foot down.

"W-what?" Remus' voice was shaking and when Lily turned back to him, he was pale like a sheet of paper. "I don't know what you-"

"I know about your illness. It's stupid and unfair and I asked McGonagall about it and she told me that you are not dangerous apart from the fu- from that one night a month." Lily was still feeling restless. "We can't let them win!"

"How do you know?" Remus sounded scare and a bit broken.

For the first time Lily stopped and really looked at Remus. "I'm muggleborn… I still don't know a lot about magical illnesses and creatures and stuff. I mean when I think of magical beings, I think about dragons, ghosts, unicorns, vampires and well werewolves. I kind of expected to meet all of those here. So when you are sick at the full moon, that is actual the first conclusion I jump to…" Lily wasn't sure what else to tell him and shrugged her shoulders.

"You are not afraid?" Remus asked.

"No, we 'vermin and pariahs' have to stick together. How else can we be a pest?" She grinned at him and finally a small smile formed on his own face. "I'm not going to tell anyone." Lily assured him. After that it got a bit awkward and neither of them knew what to say. Lily finally turned and waved him goodbye.

"Eh, Lily, thank you…" Remus blushed and smiled at her for real this time.

"No problem."

After that Lily would meet with Remus each month after a full moon and talk about the lessons and the notes she made. It was a nice and quiet library friendship. It bloomed between the heavy cover of the books around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lily starts to fight back, by being the best she could be and by helping Remus to be the best he could be. But she is not perfect, she takes some time to decide and even then it is a quiet protest against that way of thinking. But in the end Lily is just 13 and still growing and developing and her will to fight is shining through.
> 
> Something else , tiny James is really terrible at flirting.
> 
> Have a nice day.


	22. Year 2 Chapter 22

Gryffindors are brave. Lily reminded herself.

She forced an uneasy smile on her face and hurried past Mr. Filch the caretaker of Hogwarts. His lazy eye always made her shiver. But she was a Gryffindor and Gryffindors were not supposed to be frightened of the strange looking caretaker. Plus it was mean to be frightened of someone because of the way they look. Her parents always told her that it was unkind. But then again Mr. Filch never seemed very nice, to anyone. Still Lily forced herself to smile at him and felt a little bit braver for it. But he didn't even notice, because he was calling for his new kitten.

Lily went outside with Dorcas and Sulfia. The two had a magazine, Weekly Witch, and giggled at some pictures. Lily didn't think those boys in there were very cute or anything, but if her friends liked it, that was fine. Lily meanwhile was reading a book about magical traditions and history that she found in the library. She didn't always want to ask Sev or the girls for explanations when something new happened.

Lily looked up from her book when she heard some strange noises. Her two friends were still engrossed in a quiz about who their ideal boy was and didn't seem to notice the sound. Curious about the noise, Lily put her book aside and stood up.

"I'll be back in a moment." She told them.

"Yes, yes… You see him for the first time and your heart beats faster. What is he doing? A) Helping a baby owl that fell out if its nest. B) Playing Quidditch. C) Sitting alone and reading a mysterious book. D) Telling some jokes with his friends. E) Dueling to protect you." Lily wasn't sure if Sulfia even heard her and for an awkward moment she hovered near them unsure if she should leave, but shook her head and went towards the strange noises.

A couple of older students were standing together and pointing their wands in the middle of their little circle. One of them said an incarnation and the rest started to laugh. There was another strange strangled noise from the middle of the circle. Lily stepped a bit closer and to her shock saw a kitten that was trying to flee.

She felt her face heat up and gripped her wand tighter. She ran over as fast as she could.

"Hey! What are you doing?! Leave the cat alone!" She slammed her whole weight against one girl and pushed her out of the circle. Lily stepped between them and over the kitten. "You are mean bullies!" She shouted in their faces.

Small angry sparks flickered on the tip of her wand. She raised it up. They looked taken aback at the interruption but more confused by it than afraid of her anger.

"Calm down, midget. That's just mean old Filch's beast." One of them told her and held her hands up. For a moment Lily paused. Filch was always a bit mean, but then her righteous fury returned. That didn't give them the right to pick on his cat or him.

"Right now you are the only ones being mean!" Lily shouted back.

They stared at her for a moment then one of them grabbed her by the back of her robes and tried to pull her out of the circle. "We don't have time for you midget. Get lost."

That made Lily very angry and she stomped on his toes and swung her elbow back with all her strength. "Don't touch me!" Lily shouted, while the other student yelped in pain.

Lily was afraid that they would all attack her now and readied her wand. Luckily Dorcas had recently shown her how to cast a shield charm. The others looked surprised for a moment, before they started to laugh. "David, got taken down by a midget! Really and that is our star beater?" Apparently they found their friend's pain more entertaining than hexing her. "No wonder we lost the last game!"

In the distance Lily heard some shouts and saw Sulfia and Dorcas running over to her.

"Hey! Leave her alone!" Sulfia shouted.

"Oi! More battle midgets!" One girl said.

"Yea! Maybe we should save David, before they completely beat him down." Another boy said still laughing.

They picked up their friend, David, who gave her the stink eye, but Lily glared right back and they left.

"Lily?! What are you doing? They could have hexed you." Dorcas was looking Lily over, as if to check that she still had the right among of limbs attached to her.

"They were picking on this kitten." Lily mumbled and turned around. The kitten still seemed half frozen and Lily picked it up and gently stroked her fur.

Sulfia rolled her eyes. "You are lucky that those were Hufflepuffs. Anybody else would have hexed you into next week."

Lily started to giggle in relief and the other two joined her, until they heard another angry voice.

"What are you dreadful children doing with Mrs. Norris!" Filch hurried over in his strange hopping run.

Lily froze up. Eyes wide she still had said cat on her arm. "eh- I- uhm"

"You are getting detention all of you!"

"Hey, she protected your stupid cat from those other students! You can't give us detention!" Sulfia pulled herself up to her full thirteen year old height. She was still a head shorter than the caretaker.

"Protected! HA! You attacked her!" He pulled the kitten from Lily's arm and Lily felt like crying.

That was when whatever hex affecting the cat wore off and she quickly jumped off Filch's arm and brushed herself around Lily's legs while purring. Filch furrowed his brow at the cat's reaction.

"You really protected my Mrs. Norris?" He still seemed to doubt the story. Lily nodded. He looked at his cat. "I'll believe you this time." He hopped off with his cat.

"Lily, you are so strange." Dorcas told her with a smile.

"The words you are looking for is stupid." Sulfia corrected her with a scowl.

"Hey!" Lily protested.

"You're fine going against a couple of older students, but still get scared of old Filch?" Sulfia asked her and crossed her arms. Lily shrugged her shoulders and then started to giggle.

"Well at least we know what kind of guy Lily needs." Dorcas said with a grin. Sulfia and Lily looked at her in confusion. "One that plays Quidditch or tells jokes or best both."

"What? Why?" Sulfia asked and they picked up their bags.

"Taking care of small animals, protecting the weak and being a nerdy bookworm are all things she checks of herself." Dorcas answered and Sulfia started to laugh. Even Lily had to giggle with them.

The next time Lily forced herself to smile at Filch, he actual nodded back to her and shot her a grimace that wasn't nearly as unfriendly as it usually was. Maybe he really wasn't so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N.
> 
> Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes for beta reading.
> 
> So this is the last chapter of Lily's second year. James will find out about this incident in third year and will be impressed by it.
> 
> I like Lily's fiery nature and that she stands up for what she thinks is right, even if we just saw a chapter earlier that she isn't so ready to pick fights, if it could disrupt her friendships, especially with Severus,but here she didn't feel like she had to hold back.
> 
> Her friends come to help her when they notice that she is in trouble in the same way Lily stormed in, shouting and angry and ready to fight, like the true Gryffindors they all are.
> 
> Being friendly to Filch is an active decision Lily makes and she is not ignorant to his grumpy and unfriendly nature.
> 
> I would be very happy if you would give me a review and please have a nice day.


	23. Year 3 Chapter 23

In the summer before her third year Lily met Mrs. Stern. She was a woman from down the street with a German accent. Lily had seen her before, but never talked much with her. But last year the neighborhood had participated in a garden show and Mrs. Stern had been in the committee with Lily's mum. She was probably ten or fifteen years older than her parents.

Mrs. Stern was a strange person at times. There was always something sad about her. Her mum often invited her over for tea in the afternoon. What was really strange was that the woman had a tattoo! Mum and dad always said that only good-for-nothing people had tattoos and that Lily should stay away from them, but they didn't seem to care about Mrs. Stern's tattoo. Maybe they hadn't seen her tattoo yet. It wasn't very big on her arm and she hid it most of the time. It was just a couple of numbers. It was a really strange tattoo. That night after Mrs. Stern left, Lily asked her parents, if they noticed the tattoo.

They looked uncomfortable at each other.

"It isn't the bad ki- It's another kind of tattoo." Her mum told her.

"Why?" Lily asked. Her parents normally always answered her questions and didn't avoid them like her mum did now.

"It's from the war." Her father grunted and normally was enough to end a conversation.

Her parents didn't talk a lot about the war. They had been children at that time when the despicable Nazi Germans attacked Britain. But dad's older brothers had been in the war. Uncle Frank never returned, only Uncle Tommy. He lost half his arm in that war. When Lily was younger she had found that saying funny, because really how do you lose an arm? It was attached to you at all times. Later she learned that there were bombs and that stuff and it wasn't funny anymore. But nobody talked about the war that much. Only that it was against the Germans and that the Allies won.

Lily knew that there was more to the story, but before she could ask more questions. The grandfather clock stroked four o'clock. She was late to meet Sev in the park!

Lily ran out of the room to put on her shoes. When she went back to say goodbye to her parents, she heard them argue.

"I don't like it when she hangs out with that boy. He is rude and talks down on us." Lily heard her mother.

"I know that, dear. But he is her magical friend. We shouldn't forbid her to meet her people." Her father answered her.

"Her people! We are her people." Her mother sounded so angry. "And even if, there must be nicer once than him. If they are all like that, I'm not sure if I like Lily going to that school anymore…"

"We can't forbid her to be a witch. We have to accept and embrace it and if that means we have to tolerate that rude boy, then so be it." Her father sounded resignedly and tired.

Lily felt tears in her eyes and she ran out of the house without saying goodbye. She knew that Petunia didn't like Sev and that Dorcas and Sulfia always frowned when she hung out with him, but that her parents didn't like him that much either hurt. Maybe she could ask Sev to be a bit nicer to her family and friends. And next summer she would invite Dorcas over. If there was a nice girl, her parents would absolutely love it was Dorcas, maybe Sulfia as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Lily is losing a bit of a connection with her muggle family. She is learning other things than she would at a muggle school, like the second world war. Here she meets a holocaust survivor, without even really knowing about it. The WW II ended not even 30 years ago when Lily was that age and the similarities between the nazi ideology and the pureblood supremacists is so great that you just can't ignore it. Her parents were the generation that grew up in that war and it formed them, but for a long time people stayed quiet about what happened in that war.
> 
> Lily's family didn't like Severus very much. He didn't make a good impression on them, but they feel like they don't have a choice but tolerate that friendship, even if they feel uneasy and even helpless about it. They feel like they are losing their daughter to a world they can't understand.


	24. Year 3 Chapter 24

Quidditch! Dorcas was bouncing on her feet and didn't care that it softly drizzled down on them. 'They' were Dorcas, Sulfia and Lily. Today were Quidditch tryouts and Dorcas was excited for a chance to get on the team.

"They need a new seeker this year!" Dorcas had loudly declared in their dorm the moment the flyer was pinned on the Gryffindor board. In the last two years it was downright impossible to live with Dorcas and not notice how much she wanted to play as seeker on the house team.

They were nearly half an hour early and Lily couldn't help and be annoyed about it, because Dorcas never cared much about being on time for anything else. But when it involved sitting outside and getting wet she discovers her punctuality.

Dorcas switched between ensuring her broom was in top condition, making sure her many braids were tied together and nervously biting her fingernails.

Lily and Sulfia were there as moral support for the try out.

"What if I freeze up and fall of the broom?" Dorcas asked and looked down the path were the quidditch team would show up soon.

"Then you break your neck and don't have to deal with anything again." Sulfia answered and rolled her eyes. "And stop doing that!" She slapped Dorcas' hand away from her mouth. "Your nails will look terrible."

They all started to giggle and Lily preformed some heating spells to keep them warm and dry until it finally started.

With relief Lily saw how the team after long last showed up. Lily had to grin when she saw that Potter wasn't the shortest anymore. Over the summer he had grown quite a bit and was now taller than his fellow chaser, a really short seventh year girl. But he was still the second smallest on the team. They called all the hopefuls closer and explained the plan for today.

The seekers had to wait until the very end and were tested after the possible keepers, beaters and chasers for this year. Sulfia and Lily cheered Dorcas on as loud as they could. Lily was so focused on her friend that she nearly missed how James landed between them. It wasn't like she and James were friends, but he was friends with Dorcas even before Hogwarts and Sulfia and him seemed to get along fine as well. Lily wanted them to get along with Sev and then it was only polite to do the same with their friends right?.

"Hey James." Sulfia greeted him with a far sweeter voice than normal. She was twisting a lock of hair around her finger.

"Hi Sulfia." James gave Sulfia a half-wave, before turning to Lily. "Hello Lily." He ran his hand through his hair and made it even messier. "You wear the lion hair clip." He grinned at her and Lily could have sworn that his ears turned a little bit pink.

Lily reached up to the hair clip and smiled back awkwardly. "Yeah… I thought I would be nice to support Dorcas all the way."

"That's cool." He ran his hand through his hair again and then played with a button on his Quidditch robes. A strange silence stretched between them and Lily just had to break it.

"I charmed it some more." She tipped the lion on its head and now it didn't just roar, but it roared Dorcas' name, 'Go, Go Gryffindor!' and 'Lions Always Win!'.

"Neat!" He just grinned at her, but didn't say anything more. He was still looking at her though. Should Lily say something else? Thankfully Sulfia freed her of that decision.

She cleared her throat and tipped James on the shoulder. His attention switched from Lily to Sulfia. "Do you think Dorcas could really make the team?" Sulfia asked him.

"I hope so." He answered with a new passion. "She is good enough for it. She has a good eye for the glitter and is swift on the turns." He sounded genuinely impressed, and then he frowned. "But for some time now most captains choose players from the higher classes, because they are friends and a bit stronger. Stupid if you asked me. We are not going to build a really strong team if we always have to replace half the team each year."

Sadly his prediction came true and a seventh year girl became seeker. Dorcas was devastated and James looked truly unhappy about the choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I like awkward James, but I like confident James as much. I wanted to show both in this chapter. And his chapter shows a bit of Dorcas' character. In this story she is Lily's quiet friend and it sometimes is difficult to let her shine, when surrounded by loud character, like James, Sulfia, Lily herself and yes Snape as well. Those characters dement attention in a way that Dorcas doesn't. But everybody with a 'shy friend' knows that they are just as loud and passionate about things they care about with people they like and trust.
> 
> What do you think of this dynamic in Lily's group of friends and that interaction of James with Lily and Sulfia?
> 
> Please leave a review and help me improve or to share your love for all those characters.
> 
> Have a nice day.


	25. Year 3 Chapter 25

Hogsmeade was awesome!, Lily thought. There was so much to see! It was like Diagon Ally all over again, but different. This village held a different kind of life. Here there were real wizards and witches that lived their magical lives free and without fear to be discovered. The houses were all different and some look like they should fall over, but didn't. People had strange pets running around. From the two-trailed little dog that kept barking at her to cat's in every and any way, someone had some kind of monkey while others have birds in every color and size under the sun. Lily couldn't even turn her head to fast as new impressions poured down on her.

And then the shops! Lily wanted to see each and every one. Sulfia rolled her eyes at her and Dorcas hid a soft giggle behind her hand.

Lily turned around and looked over her shoulder to Sev. When she told him that she already promised Dorcas and Sulfia to go to Hogsmeade with them (back in first year really) he had looked so hurt and betrayed that she begged and pleaded until they agreed to take him along as well. Lily hoped that it would help to make Sev and the girls get on along better. Surely they just needed to know each other and would see that the other were fun too. So far it didn't work very well. Sev would only talk with her and when the other two would try to get involved he would mumble and glare at them. On the other side he wouldn't even try to add to their discussions in any nice way.

"So what do you gir- all think about the new subjects?" Sulfia asked and gave Lily a meaningful look when she changed from girls to all. It pretty much meant, 'see I'm trying, now make him try'.

"Runes is really interesting. I wish one of you were in it as well." Dorcas answered. "How is Divination?" Lily had chosen her new subject according to what sounded most magical, so she took Divination, Care for Magical Creatures and Arithmancy. But sometimes she looked at Dorcas' Ancient Runes book and felt envy. Lily would have loved to learn everything about her new world.

"The teacher is interesting. He is completely blind, but still manages to move around just fine." Lily answered. "I'm just not sure if I'm very gifted in Divination."

"Of course not. Divination is hogwash." Sulfia stated.

"And that's why you are taking it, instead of Runes with me right?" Dorcas asked in mockery.

"It's hogwash that gets you an easy grade. Same reason why I take Muggle studies." Sulfia just shrugged. Dorcas and Lily giggled with Sulfia good natured.

Sev gave a snipe snort. "If you are too stupid for anything else…"

Lily could see how Sulfia's patience snapped. Her face twisted into an arrogant sneer. "Piss off Snape! If all you do is making an ass out of yourself than get lost. It's not like we enjoy your company. You are only here because Lily is too kind and feels bad for you, because nobody else wants to hang out with you. I can see why."

"Sulfia please…" Lily pleaded. Tears stung in her eyes. Why couldn't her friends get along?

"What? He is insufferable rude and obnoxious. You wanted us to give him a chance. We did. But we don't have to tolerate it if he behaves like that!" Sulfia's ice blue eyes pinned Lily down. "You can take his shit and pretend it's chocolate cake if you want, but we won't suffer from somebody's company that can't be bothered to wash their hair." Sulfia grabbed Dorcas' arm and pulled her down the road. Dorcas looked back at Lily for a moment and just shrugged her shoulders.

The first tears ran down Lily's face. Sev put a hand on her shoulder.

"You don't need them. We don't need them. They are just stuck up holier-than-thou bitches." Sev told her and pulled Lily in a hug.

She fought against his arms. "No! They are my friends too and what you said was rude. You can't tell my friends that they are stupid." Lily's face turned red with anger and she shouted at Sev.

"You were laughing about it as well…" Sev glared back at her.

"Dorcas and I are her friends and we laughed with her. We didn't mock her like you did!" Lily dried her tears with the sleeve of her robe. "You can't talk like that to people, Sev."

Sev didn't answer and just kicked the dirt in front of him with a dark glare. After a moment he finally opened his mouth. "Can we now get a butterbeer?" He tried to smile, but Lily had none of it.

"No, Sev!" She crossed her arms. "We are not going to get a butterbeer! I want to be alone. Get one on your own." Lily turned away and marched down the main road on her own.

Was it her fault for trying to push her friends together? Lily thought while looking at the shops sadly. She just wanted for her friends to like each other.

Later that day she would return to her dorm with little gifts for Sulfia and Dorcas and they hugged her again.

Hogsmeade was not so awesome anymore. She never tried to make the girls and Severus hang out again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. We know from the books that her other friends had a problem with Snape for years and too often I read that it is only about Slytherin and that doesn't sit right with me. Snape in the books is very unlikable and he was probably terrible with other kids, especially those he didn't like to begin with, because they 'steal' Lily away from him. Maybe he didn't know better. Lily's friends tried to give him a chance, even if they didn't really feel like it, because he is strange and creepy and kids are mean like that, but they tried. Of course they could try harder, but why? Why did they have to try to get to know that person that didn't bother to know them or be nice to them? It didn't work out and they didn't hide that from Lily.
> 
> The friendship between Lily and Snape didn't break with a word or even within a day or that year. It broke for a long time, just really slowly. It was not something that was smashed by one sledge hammer hit. There was that hit, in the end, but it broke from all the small hits that picked away at their foundation for years.


	26. Year 3 Chapter 26

Potter was a stupid git! He was always playing pranks with Black and sometimes with Remus and Peter as well. He had just walked up to her and called her name. Lily had even stopped for a moment. Then he just grabbed her hand and when she wanted to pull away, it was stuck!

Lily shouted at him to let go, but he just smiled his stupid grin at her. People were looking and pointing at them.

"Potter, let go off my hand you berk!" Lily's voice sounded even shrill to her own ears.

"Nay, not feeling like it…" He just replied and smiled some more.

Lily turned red with embarrassment and anger when all her pulling was fruitless and she was really stuck with him. "We are going to Madam Pomfrey!" She tried to pull him along, but he just wouldn't move no matter how much she tried to. After some minutes he suddenly pulled his own arm back and she stumbled against his chest.

"Lily-Silly, we'll go where I want us to go!" With those words, he pulled her after him and proceeded to tell her stuff about Hogwarts. He mimicked Binns while he told her about the different ghosts and paintings.

Finally Lily had enough and pulled out her wand at him.

"Listen you sewer rat that somebody accidental turned into a boy! We will reverse this!" She angrily shook their joined hands. "Right now! Or I'll hex your nose on your foot and your tongue into your ears. So that you forever smell nothing but your own cheesy feet and taste nothing but earwax!"

He turned pale and made cross-eyes at her wand, while stuttering. "Don't know how…."

Lily growled at him. "Madam Pomfrey! Now!"

He nodded and walked a few meters in the right direction. "You know, we can go to the infirmary…"

"What we are going to do!"

"But for that we have to go past the Great Hall and dinner is starting soon… Everybody is going to see us…"

Lily stopped and bared her teeth at him.

"Or we could go to the library and find a solution for ourselves…" He tried to sound nonchalant.

"It is not that much further from here to the library than the infirmary." She watched him suspiciously.

"Oh, but it is!" He pulled out his wand and tipped at two suits of armor, that moved their lances to the other hand and a corridor appeared between them. "It leads directly to the library." He grinned his wide and boyish grin at her and for some reason she decided to trust him. True enough, they appeared in a small back room of the library. James opened the door for her and with a small bow invited her through. "After you m'lady."

Lily suppressed the smile that wanted to form on her lips and tugged him along with her.

It took them nearly half an hour to find the right spell. Lily read through two whole chapters of household spells before she found it. Lily looked at him over the edge of her book. Potter really couldn't be still for a moment. Even now the hand that held hers was moving and his fingers darted over hers. He really was a silly boy with too much energy and stupid ideas in his head.

That evening Sulfia assured Lily that Potter made a much bigger fool out of himself than her and that everybody will forget about it by tomorrow.

They lay in bed and still talked about how big of an idiot Potter was when Dorcas giggled.

"Maybe he likes you?"

Lily and Sulfia looked equally horrified at the idea.

"Surely not!" Sulfia claimed. "He would be nicer and romantic and stuff, if he did."

Lily nodded eagerly to that idea. No way that idiot liked her, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. And we are back to that prank from The Best. Here we see it from Lily's perspective. Of course she is annoyed by him, but some little part of her can see that James can be charming and fun as well. We get a first look at Lily's ability to creatively insult James, I hope you like it.
> 
> I hope you like it, please leave a review and have a nice day.


	27. Year 3 Chapter 27

There were more and more rumors flying around. Names were muttered between students. Voldemort, Death Eaters, new order, old rights, dark magic, blood, blood, blood, mud, pure, half. It sent chills down Lily's spin.

"Did you hear? Humming's dad went missing a few weeks ago." Lily heard some students whisper on her way to the library.

"Isn't his dad a muggleborn? I hear they don't think of marriages as important as purebloods do. I bet he just packed his bags and left." Lily gripped her books tighter. Her knuckles turned white and she clenched her jaw.

"You think so? I heard they found some evidence for a fight."

"Oh please those are just kids horror stories. It's surely just another muggleborn that couldn't be bothered to take care of his family."

"Yeah, you know muggleborns not caring for their family is as normal as purebloods marrying their siblings or banish their children because they marry somebody they love instead!" A new voice joined in on the conversation. This one was louder, so that everybody could hear them.

Lily turned around. There stood a girl with short brown hair, slightly taller than advance and wearing a muggle band shirt. She had her arms crossed and stared at the group who had talked. Lily recognized her. Mary MacDonald, a following Gryffindor and a year above Lily.

The members of the group reacted differently. Some blushed and looked embarrassed, some were shocked, others looked at her with hostility.

"This isn't your conversation. I don't see what you have to do with anything." A boy with the Slytherin crest sneered down on her. Some of his friends around him were Ravenclaw.

"Well, I see some pea-brained idiots talk rubbish about the fact that somebody's dad was kidnapped and possible killed, by some lunatic and his barmy minions. And you guys try to blame the victim for it. Somebody had to shut you up! You make everybody stupider just by being in the same room with you." Mary took a step forward and glared up at him.

Lily blinked.

Wow.

She was the coolest person Lily ever met!

There a rare moments in a person's life when they know without doubt that they met someone special. This was such a moment for Lily. Mary was unafraid and courageous to stand up for what she believed in. That was who Lily wanted to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. So her is another important character in Lily's life, a role model, another muggleborn needs a hero to lookup to at times, beore becoming a hero themselves. Mary is a canon character we don't hear much about, only that she was attacked by Severus friends with serious dark magic and told Lily that Snape is waiting outside the Gryffindor tower. In most stories she is this meek little girl that was the victim of something cruel. I want to make her kick ass and someone that was not picked at random, but singled out for her outspoken nature. She gives Lily another perspective on the war once again.
> 
> Please leave a review and have a nice day.


	28. Year 3 Chapter 28

Lily saw James Potter's first kiss. To be fair nearly the whole school saw his first kiss. It happened in the middle of a Quidditch game. They played against Ravenclaw and it was a sunny, but windy and cold day in December.

James was in a fight with Valerie O'Neil over the quaffle. Valarie was two years above them and a pretty girl. She had long black hair and amazing blue eyes.

James managed to simultaneously snatch the quaffle out of her arm and duck from a bludger. But Valerie didn't see the little black ball and was hit badly. Together with the strong wind she lost her balance and was falling from her broom. All this happened at a terrible height. So far up that a fall would be really dangerous, but too far down that anybody really had the time to cast a spell.

James had already been on the way to the hoops when he heard her scream behind him. The moment he looked back and saw Valerie fall, he let go of the quaffle and nose dived after her. Just two meters from the ground he managed to catch her, kind of. He slowed her down a lot, but both tumbled on the ground, mostly unharmed. They only had a few scratches and the whole stadium sighed in relief that both were along with Sulfia and Dorcas, whose hands she held during all of that.

James helped her up on her feet, before giving her a cheeky grin, grabbing his broom again and racing towards the quaffle that fell to the ground in the middle of all this. Sadly he wasn't allowed to fly an attack, because Mr. Centimo, their flying teacher and referee, called for a time out.

Back in the air all the other players clapped James on the back and thanked him. James beamed at their praises. After a few minutes Valerie was on her broom again, she flew over to James. Then it happened, when she was right in front of him, she leaned forward and at the same pulled him closer with his robes and kissed him, on the mouth, in front of everybody.

James was so shocked he let go of the quaffle. He still stared unmoving after her after the kiss ended, much to the amusement of every other player on the field.

Later in the common room James was carried on the shoulders of the other players and they called him 'Quidditch Hero' for the first time. A name that would stick for all the years he would play.

Lily stepped closer to congratulate James and the rest of the team, but mostly James. She heard the captain tell a story in a booming voice.

"And then in the changing room he was running around like a headless chicken, because it was his first kiss!" Everybody started to laugh and James turned deep red. "Not sure what he was complaining about!"

"Maybe he had somebody else in mind for his first kiss." Somebody else asked with a wide grin.

"Oh! Is there somebody you wanted to save that kiss for Jamesie-boy?" The captain asked with a wide grin.

James ducked down a little bit and maybe turned even redder. He looked around and for one moment he looked Lily right in the eyes. Lily smiled at him. But nobody else seemed to notice they silent interaction.

"Tell us, who is the girl, I'm sure we can convince her to give our Quidditch Hero a small kiss as well!" Somebody asked and stepped between James and Lily.

"N-NO! There is nobody! Kissing is just ECK!" James finally answered. It made everybody laugh again. Now that was something Lily could agree on with him.

"Oh Merlin, why do you waste something like a kiss from Valerie on a little boy that can't appreciate it?" Somebody complained.

James leaned to the side and looked around his teammate. He smiled shyly at Lily and Lily waved back and gave him a thumbs up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. The fact that Quidditch Hero seem to strick with James always appear strange. You maybe say that for a few days after a spectacular game, but after that such a name wouldn't stick, at least in my experience. In this case there is a reason why the name stuck around and James always seemed like the guy who would do something like this.
> 
> Lily is of course as impressed by James action, as is everybody else, but what she didn't really notice is that maybe her approval means a lot more to James than that of some other people. James here freaks out about being kissed, because really he is just 13 and is just discovering all those new strange feelings and while he always was fascinated by Lily, now is the time where is starts to become physical as well. But those things are complicated and embarrassing first and he really doesn't want to be kissed yet (even if he maybe would make an exception for Lily...)
> 
> Please leave a review and I hope you have a nice day.


	29. Year 3 Chapter 29

In the Christmas holidays home, Lily got the worst present ever.

Her first period.

Both her parents were out for a class reunion and Petunia and Lily were alone at home. She had had stomach aches for one or two days before that. But when she woke up and found a blood on her sheets, Lily was shocked, confused, embarrassed and in pain.

Quickly she pulled the sheets from her bed and hurried into the bath to wash them out. She scrubbed and scrubbed. A tear fell from her eyes. She sniffed and scrubbed some more.

"What are you doing in there so long?" Petunia's annoyed voice from the other side of the door started Lily.

"No-Nothing." Lily stammered back.

"Open the stupid door. I need the loo!"

"Go to the loo downstairs!" Lily shouted back.

The door clicked. Both sisters knew how to open the door from the outside. It wasn't very difficult, you could do it with a coin, screwdriver or even a long fingernail.

"What the hell do you think you are doing hogging the bathroom like this?" Petunia complained. Then she looked at the scene in front of her and the red spot on the sheets. She stood still for a moment. "Oh…"

Lily looked away from her sister and chewed on her bottom lip.

"Eh, is this your first…?" Petunia asked carefully.

Lily just nodded, still not looking at her. It was silent for a moment.

Lily heard footsteps and felt Petunia's arm brush against her own. "Go take a shower. I take care of this."

Lily whipped her head around and looked at Petunia was big eyes.

"And give me your nightgown as well. I put them in the washing machine." Petunia sounded calm and understanding.

"Ok…" Lily mumbled. She stepped into the shower and pulled the curtain close before removing her clothes and giving it to her sister. A moment later the bathroom door clicked again.

Lily took her time before putting on her bathrobe to grab some clean clothes. Petunia heard the door opening and stepped out of her room. She was as red in the face as Lily, while holding a pack of pads in her hands. "Here you just stick them in your pants and it's explained on the package so read or something…"

"Thank you…" Lily mumbled and fled back to the bathroom

A few minutes later Petunia knocked on the door. "Is everything ok?" She asked awkward through the door.

"Yes…" Lily answered, feeling as awkward.

"Ok… Good… You know, Doctor Who is on the TV, if you want to watch it with me." Petunia sounded embarrassed to offer this, but Lily felt so so happy!

"Yes! I will be down in a moment." Last summer they didn't sit down to watch Doctor Who together even once. Petunia always had something else to do. When Lily came down Petunia was sitting on the sofa. A hottie was lying next to her and she had chocolate out.

"Comfort food…" Petunia said and shrugged her shoulders. They didn't talk much more, but sat next to each other and just watched TV.

Lily smiled. Maybe it wasn't that bad that she got her period.

The next time Lily had her period; Sulfia noticed after half a day and looked at Lily like she had grew a second head, before dragging her to the hospital wing, where Madam Pomfrey gave her a potion to deal with it in ten minutes. When they then showed up late to Transfiguration, Sulfia claimed that she had been unwell and that Lily had took her to the infirmary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Some things here. First I was really not sure if I should include this chapter for quite some time, because it is not really a comfortable topic, but I decided to do it, because this is a story about Lily growing up and how she changed in time and this is a change that happens to most bio. females at some point and it is important for a girl when growing up. Lily didn't welcome this change and I literally know no girl that did at first (and why should they). But I still tried to turn it into a somewhat nice moment for Lily, by letting her bond with Petunia over this. Petunia still cares, but she is maybe a bit afraid of magic and hurt that Lily in her mind chose Snape over her, but she can see past that when it is something 'normal' Lily is struggling with, like in this chapter. People often forget how difficult it is for siblings to really hate each other when you live together. Humans are made to recognize things that reminds them of themselves as good and nice. You see the same gestures and mimic in your siblings and all that makes you like them on a very fundamental level. It is a lot easier to hate them, when they are not around...
> 
> Second, I refuse to even consider the fact that such a potion doesn't exist in the magical world. There is no way that not at least a dozen witches make it their aim to deal with this and if there are potions to breath underwater and walk through fire there is a potion for that!
> 
> Please leave a review and have a nice day.


	30. Year 3 Chapter 30

Birthday parties were always fun at Hogwarts. For Dorcas' last birthday the boys had smuggled all of them out to the kitchen. They nearly got in trouble with Mr. Filch when he caught them on their way back, but luckily he let them go scot-free just this once. Yes, since last year when Lily defended Mrs. Norris she noticed that he grumpy caretaker wasn't so bad at all. He always had a smile (even if it took Lily some time to recognize the grimace as a smile) for Lily and when she once had a detention because she got in a fight with a Slytherin girl that kept pulling her hair, he let her go early.

The Gryffindors nearly always celebrated together somehow. The boys would get cake and other food, while the girls decorated.

Sev's birthday was different. He never invited her over with his other new friends. They celebrated only with the two of them. Lily would sometimes sneak into the kitchen and get them muffins. When Lily asked why they didn't celebrate with his other friends he told her that he preferred to spend time just with her, that he liked it better than spending time with all of his other friends. Lily had grinned at that and hugged him. Yes, he had strange new friends, but he still liked her best! She gave him a new notebook. Lily often saw him, write in his and it started to fill up again. Of course, she was curious about what he wrote in there, but he didn't want to show her and that was fine. It was private.

Lily's birthday two weeks later was and Sulfia organized a surprise party for her. There was still snow outside and the teachers even secured a part of the Black Lake as an ice skate rim. The girls naturally decided that they would have Lily's birthday party outside.

The Marauders (they really stuck to that name) even managed to get warm butterbeer. It was a bit strange to have them at her birthday, but she was friends with Remus and while Peter was still a bit shy around her, she was paired with him this year in charms. He was nice enough when he was on his own. Even Potter could be tolerable when he wasn't picking fights with Sev all the time or played stupid pranks on her. He could be nice, sometimes. Dorcas swore he could. That left Black. Lily couldn't remember ever talking to him alone. He was always the boy next to Potter, that laughed the loudest when they played some prank or hexed someone. A couple of friends from other houses were invited. Emmeline from Ravenclaw and Marlene form Hufflepuff sat together with Gwen and Gunny.

Someone, Lily suspected Dorcas, invited Sev as well. Sulfia had an extreme sour look on her face when she first saw him, but pointing ignored Sev for the afternoon. The Gryffindor boys and Sev glared at each other most of the time, but it looked like Remus pleaded with them for peace.

"Please, it is Lily's birthday. Do you want to be the one to ruin it, James?" Lily heard Remus asked Potter. James didn't look happy, but he didn't say anything and went over to Dorcas. They talked about Quidditch.

Lily talked a little bit with Sev, but it wasn't long until Gwen and Gunny pulled her away to go ice skating with them. They all landed on their asses more often than not, but it was really fun. When Lily left the ice, Sev wasn't there anymore. But it was ok, he didn't like big groups of loud people, but he still came for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I want to give a little peek into the way I imagine Lily's friends group work. She has Severus and her other very good friends and then she has this group of Gryffindors, that while she isn't overly close with them, they still belong in the same group and they are the friends of her friends and so she is kind of friends with them as well. So of course Lily had contact with the Marauders before she dated James and she was aware that they were not just idiots or bullies. Severus is of course there as well, but he is not really social and Lily just can't and don't want to spend all her time at her birthday party with him. I don't think Snape would really try to reach out to any of her friends and because of that didn't have the greatest time at her birthday.


	31. Year 3 Chapter 31

More rumors, more whispered insults, more underhand compliments.

"Really it is so impressive that you overcame your handicap like this. You can really keep up with the rest."

'I can't just keep up with them. I'm better than most.' Lily thought but didn't say.

"Really if all were as good as you, there would be fewer discussions about muggleborn."

'Oh, who is discussing the talent of all those pureblood idiots that nearly fail all their tests?'

"I heard that two people died in that explosion. A muggleborn couple. Maybe they should have let real wizards and witches do the potion making."

'And what with the strange snake and skull symbol people saw in the sky over their ruined house?'

"Mudblood."

'Pureblood-bastard.'

"I don't see why the ministry makes such a big deal out of it. It was just some muggles and they were healed and forgot everything about it. So what if one of them miscarried. Muggle breed like rabbits anyway."

'They are humans! They were tortured and they lost a baby because of that!'

"I tell you Voldemort finally has the right ideas. Really all those 'muggleborn protection laws' by now are just a way to prejudge against purebloods. I mean it is now even illegal to demand a family tree with the application."

'Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!'

"Yeah, I heard Fiona's aunt is in St. Mungos. She is muggleborn as well. It's the eighth attack just this month."

'Was it? I lost count some time ago.'

'DIE MUDBLOODS' 'YOU'LL BE NEXT MUDBLOOD SCUM' 'PUREBLOOD RULE'

This and other messages were found all over Hogwarts. Written in toilet stalls, burned into tables, smeared on the walls with blood red color.

Lily was so tired of it. Sometimes she just wanted to pretend that none of it had any meaning for her. That those were all problems so far away, that it made no sense to worry about it. That those were the same as schoolyard bullying. That she could understand and it made everything so much more manageable. Sometimes it made her lash out at Potter and his friends even more, because if it was the same as their bullying (the picture of Peter's burned face come up in her mind to remind her that it wasn't so simple, but Lily chose to ignore it) then she could lash out her anger and fear at what happened in the world at them, right? She knew she was wrong. It wasn't the same at all. Because it was save to lash out at them when so little felt as save as shouting at Potter and his friends. It was so very very different because Lily felt that it was something more. Something dangerous. Something hostile. Proof that she wasn't wanted here. Something growing. Sometimes she walked through Hogwarts and looked at the students and asked herself if one of them would become her murderer one day.

Sometimes when Lily felt really down and felt like crying she would watch Mary. Mary never gave up or held her tongue. She was always confronting those that did say stuff like that. She never confused who to be angry with. Lily couldn't even confront Sev about his new friends or the books he read but tried to hide from her.

Dark magic. It crept Lily out. There was something off with the books themselves as if you had to pay a price just to read them and learn their knowledge. Sev had this strange kind of gleam in his eyes when he read them. There was a passion in his eyes that was much stronger than anything he felt when they experimented on potions together. That was Sev's true passion and Lily didn't like it.

She told him a few times and he promised to spend less time on those books. But it was a lie, he just hid them better. Sometimes Lily wondered since when he read that kind of books. She tried not to think too much about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. A look into how the war is creeping into Hogwarts. How this little everyday racism is slipping into the really dangerous kind of racism and how sometimes victims didn't say anything, because they want to keep the peace and how this holding back and trying to normalize all this is bleeding into the privet life as well. How Lily is unable to put her foot down with Snape and call him out on his lies because that is how Lily has trained herself to be an accepted member of this society. But there is still this wish in her to be different, to be loud about her opinion and to no longer care about what people think and just stand her ground for what she really thinks and feels. For Lily, Mary embodies this standing up.
> 
> I know that this is a really depressing chapter and I know it is difficult to really enjoy topics like this, but I still hope you like the chapter and if nothing else make you think.
> 
> Please leave a review and have a nice day.


	32. Year 3 Chapter 32

The last Gryffindor game of the year was in a few weeks, against Slytherin, but that wasn't important yet. Lily sat together with Dorcas and Sulfia and they were for once not talking about fairytales. Muggle and magical once. It was nice to swap stories with them, because it was a real exchange. With Sev, it was always so one-sided. He was never interested in any muggle stories, ideas or inventions. It made her feel stupid as if everything she learned before Hogwarts was meaning- and worthless.

With the girls, it was a give and take and they were really interested in the muggle way of dealing with things.

"So magic just happens in those fairytales and nobody questions it?" Sulfia asked. "Interesting there are quite a few magical fairytales where the solution is not to use magic."

"Why is the magic in the muggle fairytales so often bad?" Dorcas asked.

"If any of those ideas some students start to spread were around back then, does it really surprise you, if muggle didn't want to be hunted down?" Lily asked back.

"Hmm, I never thought about it like this," Sulfia answered.

Before they could talk about it anymore James Potter crashed their conversation. Literally. He tackled Dorcas to the ground.

"Dorky, Dorky, DORKY! I looked for you everywhere!" He shouted in excitement. "Get your broom, we need you right now!" Something hard to believe for Lily, because they were in the Gryffindor common room, the first place anyone should look for a Gryffindor right?

Dorcas looked a bit dazzled from his attack.

"Potter let Dorcas breathe!" Lily hissed at him and pulled him off her friend. "What is wrong with you?" Lily rolled her eyes.

"Oh, hi Lily. You are here as well." He ran his hand through his hair, but let Dorcas stand up again. He looked around. "Hi, Sulfia." Then he turned his attention back to Dorcas. "Go, hurry up. Get your broom and your flying robe. We don't have time!"

"What is even going on?" Dorcas looked confused.

"You have to play!" Potter obviously forgot that he had an indoor voice because he was still shouting.

"Play? You mean Quidditch? But it's not Tuesday…" Dorcas replied. Tuesdays, both James, and Dorcas had three hours between classes and at some point, over the last year, they came to the agreement to train Quidditch together. Potter claimed that next year Dorcas would make the team for sure and should start to train for that. Lily suspected that he just didn't want to fly alone, but Dorcas had fun, so who was she to spoil it.

"No, today is team training and we need you!" He was bouncing with every word. He looked like a bundle of energy without an outlet. When he noticed that his incomplete explanation didn't motivate Dorcas to move, but only made everybody look at him in confusion, he explained himself some more. "Lydia chucked it all in. Said that it was too much for her to keep up with training and NEWTs and stuff. So we are without a seeker and the game against Slytherin is in less three weeks. But I told the captain about you and our training sessions and he told me to get you! Now hurry!"

Dorcas looked dazzled again and stared at Sulfia and Lily with wide eyes. "Run!" Both of them shooed her up the stairs. Once Dorcas was up, Lily patted James' shoulder. "Thank you."

After that Sulfia and Lily went upstairs as well to put on warm clothes, because really what friends would they be if they didn't support their friend at her first official training session?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. The last chapter was a bit depressing, here is a more fun and uplifting one.
> 
> It shows some of the different friendships Lily have with Severus and the girls. The girls tell each other fairy tales and while that seems childish you can learn a lot about another culture by listening to their stories.
> 
> And we get a fun James here again that is so euphoric about Quidditch. He loves the sport and wants to see his team succeed and he is happy that Dorcas finally gets the chance he thought she should have get in the beginning. While Lily can be easily annoyed by James, she likes his passion and how he looks out for people. I really think that he often made the best impression on Lily when he didn't want to impress her.
> 
> I hope you like it. Please leave a review and have a nice day.


	33. Year 3 Chapter 33

The year ended with the Marauders playing a prank on Sev and Lily shouting at them for it.

"You think you are oh so funny? You are not! You are just mean!" Lily shouted and stood in front of them.

"Oh learn to take a joke! Nothing happened to him!" James stepped towards her and leaned down.

"Singling one person always out for your jokes isn't fun! It's bullying!" Lily sneered back.

"Maybe Snivellus wouldn't be singled out all the time if he kept his ugly nose out of our business!" They were now nose to nose with each other. "Not only is he a stupid sneak who tattles everything to the teachers, but he has no business following us around or locking Peter into cupboards or hexing Remus in the back or insulting Sirius as a blood traitor or anyone with those blood supremacist flubberwormshit! He does shit like that then yes we single him out!"

For just a moment Lily's anger fluttered. Surely Sev didn't do any of that, right? He wouldn't lock someone in a cupboard or hex them in the back. Her eyes shifted to Remus and Peter, who nodded along with Potter.

"What? Didn't your greasy friend tell you any of that?" Black added and stepped next to Potter. "Did you really think your Snivellus is innocent? He is up to his eyeballs in dark magic!"

"You don't know anything about that! So shut your mouth!" Lily knew that he had a point. Lily hated that Sev read that kind of books, but never would she admit that to Potter or Black.

"HA, oh please you are the only one that doesn't know what you're talking about!" Black laughed into her face. "So take your own advice and shut up!" Black

"Well if you know so much about it and you, Potter, allegedly hate dark magic so much, how comes that you hang out with Black?" She turned from Black back to Potter. A small voice in the back of her head told her that her argument didn't make much sense, but damn her if she let Potter win!

"Sirius grew up with that stuff and chooses to turn away from it, while Snivellus chooses to throw himself into that crap head first!" Potter growled at her. Before she involved Sirius in this fight he seemed more playful, now he was really angry. "Maybe you should try it! Judging someone for their actions and not just the pretty words they fed you!"

"Well I'm judging you for your actions and I found you lacking!" With that, she swirled around and marched off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I imagine Lily is as stubborn as the next Gryffindor and to admit that maybe the other side could have a point and that Severus wasn't all innocent is something she just refuses to see or worse admit to. Standing up when she sees something she didn't agree with is one of her greatest strengths, but admitting that she could be wrong or didn't know enough would be one of her greatest flaws.
> 
> James here likes arguing with her, that is until she attacked Sirius in a way he can't tolerate, by holding his family against him. James is not looking at the peoples' backgrounds, but at the people they present themselves to be.
> 
> This is the last chapter of the 3rd year and next is the 4th year up for Lily.
> 
> I hope you like this year and how Lily, her friends and relationships grew was realistic and understandable to you.
> 
> Please leave me a review.
> 
> Have a nice day


	34. Year 4 Chapter 34

The summer holidays were stressful. Petunia always sneered at Lily when she went out with Sev and her mum always looked like she bit in a lemon for the same reason. Lily put on her shoe and went to say goodbye to her parents. They had never bothered to know Sev, as she did.

"Bye, I'll be back for dinner!" She shouted and ran to the door.

"Stop!" Her mum shouted back. She came out of the kitchen. "Where do you think you are going, young lady?" Her mum crossed her arms.

"I said that I would meet Sev at the playground." Lily answered.

Her mum looked unhappy. "No. Pull off your shoes, right now." She ordered her.

"What? No!" Lily protested. "I promised to meet with Sev."

"I don't care. We have visitors for tea and you will stay here. Now set the table." Her mum pointed at the table in the living room.

Lily pressed her lips together. "Petunia didn't have to stay when you have guests and she wants to meet with friends."

"Petunia isn't running off with her friends every day." Her mum glared back.

"You only say that because you don't like Sev!" Lily stomped her foot down.

"No, I don't like that Snape boy, but you will still do as I tell you." Her mum stepped closer. "Now set the table."

"You are unfair!"

"No unfair is that you always run off with that boy when you know we don't like him." Her mum said. "Unfair is that you play with somebody after they were nasty to your sister."

"My friendship with Sev has nothing to do with Tuney!"

"Doesn't it? Well, I know that my two daughters get along a lot better before that boy showed up and in all those holidays when that Snape boy stays at that school of yours!" Her mum shook with anger. For a moment Lily thought about the Christmas holidays and sure she and Tuney got along better then, but that was because of Christmas and not because Sev wasn't around, right?

"Set the table." Her mum repeated.

Lily stubborn stared back at her mum, not talking or moving.

"Or do you really think you don't have to listen to me because I'm not a witch, but a muggle." Her mum asked in a low voice.

Lily's eyes widened. "Wha-What? NO! I would never say that!"

"Well, that seems to be what your friend thinks, right?" Her mum now stood right in front of Lily. "When he says that our opinion doesn't matter because we are muggles, right?"

Sev had said that once or twice to her, maybe a few times more often. Lily didn't even bother to answer him if he talked like that. But how did her mum knew about that?

"Petunia heard you talk." Her mother answered as if she could read her mind.

"No, that wasn't- why did she even spy-he didn't mea-" Lily stopped herself, because, yes Sev did mean that, even if Lily didn't agree with him. "I'll set the table…"

She nearly forgot about Mrs. Stern during the year, but now she saw her again at the coffee table and Lily had to heavily censor her school stories because of her.

"Really Potter and his friends are just so annoying!" Lily huffed when the adults laughed at her story.

"You have to admit it is kind of funny." Her dad said and Lily looked at him with betrayal. How could her own father take side against her, well more like against Sev, but still! "Maybe your friend just needs to toughen up a little bit." Lily, of course, noticed that none of her family ever said Severus, they all said either your friend, that Snape boy or that horrible boy. The last one was Petunia's name for him.

"It was not funny! They are my enemies! I hate them!" Lily crossed her arms. She and Sev often sat together and complained about those boys. Why couldn't people just agree with her?

"You shouldn't say things like that." Mrs. Stern still had this strange German accent that made everything sound hard, but her voice itself was so soft you nearly missed it. "Little schoolboys are not your enemies. Enemies are people that want to hurt you, that want to deny you your worth as a human being, that call you 'Untermensch', that take away your rights and freedom. Don't waste such strong emotions like hate on something as meaningless as a fight between classmates."

Lily stared at Mrs. Stern. She didn't know what to say to that. She looked to her parents and Petunia and they looked really timidly about Mrs. Stern's words. Lily felt constricted as if somebody was squeezing her heart. There was something in those words that mean so much more and Lily wasn't sure she understood what.

"Oh…ok." Lily answered softly.

Later when they had to put away the plates, Lily asked Petunia if she knew what all this was about. Petunia just gave her a dismissive look.

"You know that she was a Jew in Germany during the war, right?" Petunia just said.

"Eh, no…" Lily answered.

"Well, now you know." And Petunia said it in a way as if that should answer anything, but it didn't to Lily. Sure when she was younger she sometimes heard phrases like 'Damn shame what they did to the Jews back then' or 'Only true monsters could do what they did to them'. But when she was younger nobody wanted to tell her what they did, only that the Germans did 'very bad and evil things' in the war. Now she was in Hogwarts and nobody talked about the muggle war. But here in the muggle world, people expected her to be old enough to know about it. For a moment she thought about asking, but she didn't dare to. It would be much more embarrassing than asking about the magical world. What else didn't she learn about the muggle world when she should?

Lily stayed quiet for the rest of the evening and when the next day Petunia was out with some friends, Lily decided not to run over to Sev, but sneak into Petunia's room and look at her history book. There were terrible things written in there about the Second Great War, World War II. Six million people killed for no other reason, but being Jewish. Millions more died along with them in those Death Camps for all kinds of reasons, religion, sexuality, disability, skin color or their political opinion. And even more soldiers died all over Europe. Tears formed in Lily's eyes. How could people do that?

A week later, Lily went over to Mrs. Stern's house. She needed to know about this. What happened there, how it could have happened.

Lily lied and told her that she wanted to know about it for a school project and Mrs. Stern nodded before inviting her in. She got tea and biscuits. Then they sat at the table and nobody talked. Mrs. Stern's hand shook when she refilled the tea.

"I… you don't have to tell me if you don't want to…" Lily finally said.

"No, people should hear what happened and learn from it. I just need a moment." She replied in a shaky voice.

And then she told Lily, about the new laws, about the Jew star they had to wear, about the destruction of Jewish shops, about the growing insults, about the bans from pools and theaters, about the bans for students, doctors, lawyers, teachers, artists, about the destruction of synagogues, about the hope that it would all be better again soon, about the first people disappearing, about the burning of books, about the bans to travel, to own cars and bikes, about the forced labor, about having to mark their own homes, about the ban of newspapers, about more and more people disappearing, about the way neighbors became afraid to talk to them, to help them, about the marriage bans, about the Death Camps, about the burning chimneys, about the hunger, about the fear, about the hopelessness, about death, about her husband and son and mother and father and brother and aunts and cosines who she never saw again.

Lily cried with Mrs. Stern.

"How can a whole nation be monsters?" Lily asked.

"There weren't. Most of them were just people. Normal people that stood up in the morning and kissed their families before going to work." Mrs. Stern said. "They were just cowards. Too afraid to fight against the wrongs committed against those around them. Pretending that it was not happening, that it was just rumored when people disappear, too afraid what would happen to their own families if they asked. So they let it happen." There was real hate in her eyes. Together with the pain, the endless pain. Her accent became stronger with her emotions. "They were not monsters. Monsters do terrible inhuman things and you can fight and kill them, but they were just cowards that feared the monsters. And because of that let it roam free."

Lily's whole body shook with fear and her legs nearly gave out under her when she stood up to say goodbye. Mrs. Stern walked to the door, but before opening it she grabbed Lily's shoulder and turned her around. She searched Lily's face for something and for the first time Lily noticed that her eyes were green as well. But hers were old and hunted by terrors beyond words.

"You have to respect yourself. Don't ever doubt your own worth. Don't let anyone tell you that there is a reason why you should be less than them, there isn't. If you can hold on to only one thing. Let it be that." Her voice was quiet and still a bit shaken by tears, but there was a hidden strength in Mrs. Stern's words that touched something in her. "I don't know what you are afraid of, but remember that."

Those were the last words the older woman said to her before opening the door and Lily practically ran back home.

Mrs. Stern's words hunted Lily's nightmare for days and weeks. In her night terrors the faceless monsters didn't scream 'untermensch' they screamed mudblood and the J for Jew was replaced with an M. And then there was the mass of people that just stood there on the sidelines and watched her turned away, but never did anything. People were able to do terrible things, by not stopping monsters from doing them.

Lily cried for nights.

She tried to talk with Sev about her fears, but he seemed to think that she was silly.

"What muggles did back then is nothing like what happens right now in our world." He told her. "There are just some people that protest that things are handed out to people that never contributed to our society before. The old families feel like they have to shoulder an unfair among in all this and nobody is grateful for that."

Lily asked herself how that 'gratitude' should look like accounting for those 'old families'. A life in servitude? Accepting that they were less than those of pureblood? Did he think he was part of those old families? What contribution did he or his mother pay that Lily and her family didn't?

"People disappear and are killed, Sev. Muggleborns disappear and are killed."

"Some people claim that some disappear or are killed, but did you hear about how many purebloods disappear or die at the same time?" Sev crossed his arms.

"But they don't disappear or die because they are purebloods." Lily now glared at Sev.

"You don't know if muggleborns disappear because they are muggleborns. It could happen for all kinds of reasons."

"That's rubbish and you know it. There isn't a week in which not some muggleborns are killed and that Dark Mark is seen. I can't believe you wouldn't fight against this!" Lily shouted.

"Well, I can't believe you see grims when there are none." Sev shot back.

He wouldn't fight the monsters. He would look the other way. Lily thought and was never more disappointed in her life. The next night his face appeared in the bystander crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N.
> 
> This chapter is a bit longer, but it tackles a few different points at once. That Lily is a bratty teenager like any other teenager, that fights with her parents, how her friendship with Snape is staining her relationship with her family and how her family really sees that friendship (yes it was planned that all those bonding moments between Lily and Petunia happened in the Christmas holidays, when Snape could stay in Hogwarts. Lily has more time for Petunia and Petunia is only interested in dealing with Lily, if Snape surely isn't around.) and then Lily learned some more about WW II and starts to see the parallels between then and now. I thought it is important, not only to write about the death camps and their terror, but all the time and things that lead there, how the Jews were dehumanized for years before that. I ended the chapter by letting Lily and Snape talk about all this and how he refuses to see that movement as evil. He picked up their talking points, even if it doesn't make that much sense. He refuses to see the terror they cause and is willing to look the other way. The friendship is falling apart for years before it ended with a bang.
> 
> I know once again a heavy chapter, but Lily just can't look the other way when her life is threatened like that. She is a child growing up in a war. While she can still enjoy life, because Hogwarts is somewhat save, there are moments when that reality is crashing down on her.
> 
> Please tell me what you think and have a nice day.


	35. Year 4 Chapter 35

Lily made true on her promise to invite Dorcas and Sulfia over for a weekend. She was so very nervous. Both of them grew up in the magical world. What if they made the fight she had with her parents worse? They were meeting to buy their school books and then the two would come with her back home and stay for a long weekend.

Lily chewed on her lips the whole way to London. Her mum and dad were both with her. Nobody talked much on the way there.

Once there Lily was endlessly relieved to see her friends. She ran over to where Dorcas and Sulfia sat with their parents.

"I missed you too!" She hugged both of them tightly. Just now she noticed how much she needed this. It was like a weight was lifted off her heart.

"And we missed you!" They hugged her back. After a moment they let go and Sulfia straightened up and went over to Lily's parents.

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Evans. I'm Sulfia MacEllis, one of Lily's friends." She held out her hand to both of them.

"Hello Sofia?" Her mum sounded a bit unsure.

"No, Sulfia, but many people get it wrong the first time." Lily was impressed. Normally Sulfia was really annoyed when somebody got her name wrong, but now she sounded patient and even amused.

"I'm sorry, Sulfia, yes Lily told us about you. It's nice to meet you." Her mum sounded friendly and open.

"It is nice to meet you as well." Then Sulfia pulled Dorcas next to her. "And this one is Dorcas Meadowes. She is a bit shy."

Dorcas greeted her parents as well, but much quieter and avoided longer eye contact.

"Is it alright if I introduce you to our parents?" Sulfia asked politely. "They would like to know where we will stay for the weekend."

"Of course, that is no problem." Her mum and dad now looked surer and in control. That was normal parent behavior. There was no difference between muggle and magical parents there.

Lily and her parents introduced themselves to the MacEllis and Meadowes and soon the parents decided to drink a tea together while the girls went shopping.

After a few hours, they returned to the grown-ups, who were still talking.

"I promise you, it's just normal teenager behavior. My Dorcas didn't want to hear to what I say either, but I can understand that you feel a bit disconnected with Lily. I'm muggleborn myself and it wasn't always easy to talk with my parents about everything. But then no teenager likes to talk to their parents, right?" Lily heard Dorcas' mum explain to her parents. They looked a bit relieved to hear that.

"Yes, maybe. It is just so different with Lily than with Petunia, our other daughter. She is normal and goes to the local school." Her dad said. It was strange to hear her father say something like this. Was she not normal to them?

"Yes, sending them away for so long is not easy." Sulfia's parents agreed, but there was something stiff in their voice. Soon after they said their goodbyes.

The following weekend was great. The three had a lot of fun together and Sulfia even got along with Petunia. Probably because the first thing she told her was that she liked Petunia's dress. They went swimming together and Dorcas and Sulfia even tried to learn how to ride a bike, with little success, but it was still fun.

When her parents dropped them off again at the Leaky Cauldron, her mum hugged both of them and invited them to come over whenever they want. Sulfia in return asked if Lily could stay over at their place as well and her mum whole heartily agreed. After that Lily and her parents got along better. They didn't seem to suspect that Lily was disrespectful with everything she said and she in return didn't meet with Sev as much as before and not without asking her parents first. Severus was angry with her because of it, but finally gave up complaining, when Lily made herself clear that she didn't want to fight with her parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I want to give Lily a little bit of a happy summer memory and to allow her a way to get closer with her family again, by letting them see more than Severus Snape as an example of a magical friend of Lily. I hope you like the chapter.
> 
> Please tell me what you think and have a nice day.


	36. Year 4 Chapter 36

Boys. Lily was really sick of hearing about boys all the time. Dorcas and Sulfia were talking even more about them than last year and it made Lily sick at times. She really didn't see what was so great about dating. The whole dorm squeaked when Gwen came back one night and told them that she kissed the fifth year Hufflepuff prefect Morrion. For nearly two hours they asked her all about it. Really how long can you talk about two people pressing their lips together?

Lily tried to act interested, but it was difficult. They were all talking about who they wanted to kiss and Lily didn't know what to say. The idea to kiss anyone made her uncomfortable.

So when Lily shrugged her shoulders Sulfia looked at her shocked. "Please tell me you don't want to kiss Snivellus?"

Lily glared at her friend for using that name but finally answered. "No."

"Good, because he is kind of gross and creepy." Sulfia replied. Lily wanted to defend her friend, but before she could Gunny talked.

"Yeah, he is really strange. I really don't know why you are friend with him, Lily."

"And he totally is in love with you." Gwen shouted. The other three shrieked in disgust. "Eck!"

"No, he is not. We are just friends." Lily mumbled, but she wasn't convinced herself. For the last couple of months, she noticed how Sev always tried to sit or stand closer to her and that his hand more often touched her hand.

Lily didn't like it, it made her uncomfortable. She then pulled her hand away to grip her books or when they sat down next to each other pressed both her hands between her thighs. But Sev never said anything, so Lily didn't say anything either. Maybe it would go away soon and everything could be back to normal.

Part of Lily always felt uneasy when she was alone with Severus because he always looked like her as if he expected something from her. But Lily wasn't sure what and if she would be willing to give it to him if she did. She still liked talking to him and joking around, but she tried to touch him less while doing it, because he did it more often.

"Not that it really matters if he is, as long as you are not in love with him. That would be really gross, you know." Sulfia said and the others nodded in agreement. "Really if you ever get together with him we will publically deny being friends with you, Lily." Sulfia joked, or at least Lily hoped that she joked. Sulfia really didn't like Sev, well none of her other friends really liked Sev, but Sulfia was the most vocal about it.

"I don't plan to." Lily just said and listened some more how Gunny admitted that she kind of would like to kiss Sirius. The others laughed and squeaked again, but none of them were disgusted by the idea of Gunny kissing Black.

Sulfia then admitted that if she had to choose one of the Gryffindor boys she would like to kiss James. Then she asked Lily which one she would like to kiss.

Lily shrugged. "None of them really…" Because really she didn't want to kiss anyone, nevertheless one of those four.

"Come on, you have to choose! Which one?" Dorcas agreed with Sulfia and pressed her for an answer.

Lily pulled a face. "I don't know. Remus, maybe?" Lily didn't like the idea to kiss Remus anymore than kissing Black, Potter or even Sev, but from the four Gryffindor boys she was most friends with him and he probably wouldn't tell everybody about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Teenage years are stressful and difficult and everybody develops at a different pace. In this story, Lily is a bit slower when it comes to developing an interest in boys. There is nothing wrong or strange about that either way. But it is difficult for those friends around them as well. In too many stories only the 'unpairable' characters are slow in this way (mostly Peter in Marauder stories), but why can't this be another point Lily and James have to face before they can be together, that James is just a bit faster in that way than Lily at the moment.
> 
> Severus here shows the first signs of interest, but Lily just doesn't know how to deal with it or how to tell him to stop, so she just hopes that it goes away on its own.
> 
> I hope you like the chapter and thank you to all my reviewers. It is always lovely to hear from you.
> 
> Have a nice day


	37. Year 4 Chapter 37

A first-year muggleborn was in the hospital wing because he was hexed by some older student. That wouldn't be so surprising. Students land themselves in the hospital wing all the time and often it was because older students made fun of them. But it was the fourth muggleborn in the hospital wing for being hexed by older students in the last two weeks.

There was restlessness among students, especially muggleborns. They started to group together. No muggleborn really walked through the halls alone anymore. The attacks got more and more brutal. Sulfia and Dorcas always stayed close to her when they went from one class to another and they never were very happy when she wanted to go down to the dungeons to experiment on some potions with Severus.

"You know, that's where ALL the SLYTHERINS are. I just don't think that it's very safe for you." Dorcas once told her.

"Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself." Lily answered her and hugged her. But if she was honest with herself she was feeling a bit uneasy down there.

There wasn't a week going by without hearing someone mumbling "Mudblood," under their breath.

Things were getting tense. Even among friends. She heard how a big group of Ravenclaws that had always been tight, broke apart because they disagreed about these kinds of things. Hufflepuff switched a beater and rumors said, it was because he was dating a Slytherin girl, who insulted muggleborns or worse. One chaser on the team was muggleborn and allegedly the two had come blows during a training. The rest of the team voted the beater out. But all those things were hushed up.

Lily saw in the common room how Mary MacDonald was talking with the younger muggleborns and to cheer them up and warn them who to stay away from and to always stay in groups. People looked at her and felt hope. Lily felt hope. They wouldn't go down without a fight and Mary was the one that could lead them into that battle. Lily still hadn't really talked to her, but soon she promised herself, soon she would go over there and become friends with her.

No, that time was now! Lily thought to herself and took the first step.

Lily took a deep breath and did it. She went over to Mary. Her hands were sweaty. Never did Lily want to be friends with somebody so much as she wanted to be friends with Mary.

Lily wasn't far. She could hear Mary talk to some younger students.

"No, don't ever be ashamed of your origins. You are muggleborn and you can be damn proud of it. You know how to live and learn in two worlds. We are the ones that understood all of it, not just a fraction. We descended from muggle, who thrived in this world like nobody else. They are the ones that rule this world just by being damn cleverer than everybody else. Muggles are adaptable and innovative in a way that even the magical world can't compare, because really everybody who thinks candlelight is the way to go, is some centuries behind." There were passion and conviction in her voice and Lily wanted that. This unshakable believe that they would turn out victorious in the end. Listening to Mary made Lily believe in her, in a better future. Right at that moment, Lily would have followed her into every battle.

Lily ended up not speaking to her that day but thinking about how she showed her pride for her heritage. It wasn't that Lily hid the fact that she was muggleborn, but she wasn't really showing it either. She was still thinking about it when she was doing her homework later that evening.

A big drop of ink leaked on her essay and she cursed under her breath, really quills and inkwells were so unpractical, why couldn't witches use normal pens. Lily stopped. Yes, that was a great idea. She pulled out a fresh piece of parchment and wrote a letter home to her parents.

Hello mum and dad

How are you? I'm fine. Not much happened here, but I miss you.

She didn't write about the attacks and insults against muggleborns. There was no reason to make her parents worry about things they couldn't change, right?

Can I ask you for a favor? It would be great if you could send me some pens and some notepads, maybe some files and some post-its. I'm a bit sick of the quills all the time.

Thank you and love you

Lily

Please hug Tuney for me.

Lily folded the letter and put her books and essay away. The rest could wait for tomorrow. Dorcas and Sulfia already went up to the dorm. Lily looked around. Remus still sat down with his friends.

"Hey Remus, could you do me a favor and keep an eye on my bag? I'll be back in twenty minutes tops." Lily asked him. She trusted Remus, enough that he would defend her bag against Potter and Black.

Remus looked up from his essay and frowned. "Where do you want to go at this time?"

Sirius snickered next to him.

"Only to the owlery, mama." Lily replied with a cheeky grin. Remus looked conflicted and bit his lip. His eyes wandered between Lily and his unfinished essay.

"Really? I needed to go to the owlery as well. I'll come with you." Potter declared and hastily stuffed his homework into his bag. Remus smiled at him.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I would prefer if you don't."

"Too bad, that you can't forbid me where I can go." He just grinned and walked over to her. Lily thought about going later, but she really would like to send this letter today. Well, she would just ignore Potter all the way there. But he didn't seem to get that memo and didn't ignore her back.

He had no problem with talking to her about all kind of stuff, even if she didn't answer him. Only directly in front of the owlery did she pay him any attention.

"So where is your letter, Potter?" Lily asked and pulled her letter out.

"I don't have one." He just asked and shrugged his shoulders.

Lily turned around and glared at him. "So you really just followed me here? What are you a creepy stalker?"

He glared back and crossed his arms. "First just because I don't have a letter didn't mean, I don't have something to do here and second, take it up with Dorky, she made us promise to not let you wander around on your own when it's dark."

"Dorcas asked you to?" Lily didn't know what to think about it. Sure Dorcas often went with her and was always worried when Lily went off on her own, but surely she wouldn't ask those boys to protect her. They were bullies themselves! But then Dorcas was friends with them and would trust them. "I'll ask her."

He just shrugged. "Do that. You are our only Gryffindor muggleborn in our year. We all watch out for you." That was kind of really nice. Lily felt warm at the idea that her house would defend her no matter what.

"So is there something you want to do here or did you only follow me here?" Lily tried to change the subject because she really didn't know how to reply to James' words.

"Sure I have." He grinned at her and stepped into the middle of the owlery. A moment later a loud owl shriek came from above them and when a mostly black hawk owl dived down from the nests, only to claw itself into James' robes. It hit Potter with its wings and pecked at his face and hair. "Yes, yes, I'm sorry Bludger for leaving you all alone forever since the morning! I'm the worst, I know." James just laughed and petted the aggressive owl.

Lily stayed away and looked warily at the owl. "Is that yours?"

"Yes." Potter seemed ridiculous proud about owning an owl that attacked him. "This is Bludger. Isn't she beautiful and sweet?"

"That is one way to describe her…" Lily said diplomatically. Potter only grinned wider and pulled an owl treat out of his robe.

"Bludger, say hello to Lily." James told his owl and sent her flying in her direction. Lily took a step back and prepared herself for an attack, but the owl only gently landed on her shoulder and nuzzled itself in her hair. James laughed. "Bludger loves everything red. It's a good thing I was sorted into Gryffindor or I'm sure she would downright refuse to carry any letters for me."

"That's nice." Carefully she lifted her hand to stroke the dark feathers.

"She likes you." James told her and stepped closer. "You know you can borrow her to send your letter. One of the reasons she is always angry with me is because I don't send enough letters, according to her."

"I don't really want my family to be attacked by your owl. My sister is already afraid of them." Lily wasn't sure why she told Potter that. It was one of the reasons why Lily couldn't have an owl on her own.

"Oh, don't worry. She only does that with me and Sirius, but he always calls her demon bird and threatened to hit her with a beater bat not that I would ever let him, oh and Peter for some reason. But she adores Remus and you as it seems. She was still voted out of our dorm…"

"Oh, but I can't send her. She would have to wait for an answer and I asked my parents to send me some stuff, so it could take a day or two." Lily still petted to owl, that in return groomed her hair.

"Oh, a packet? Bludger do you want to carry a packet? Yes, you want to!" James cooed at his owl that peaked up at the mentioning of the word packet. "She always feels important when she can carry a packet. The bigger the better. My parents sometimes just put stuff in a too big box only to let Bludger carry a bigger packet. It is really disappointing to get a huge box only to open it and find a note and your forgotten tie."

What really made Lily laugh was how funny he enacted this scene while telling her. Sometimes James could be funny if he didn't pick on others for it.

Somehow this conversation really ended with Lily tying her letter to Bludger's leg with the instruction to wait for an answer. Three days later the dark owl landed in front of Lily with a packet from her parents and everything she asked for. Bludger got a sausage from Lily before she flew off to Potter to land on his head and pull on his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with a few things. How the war and tension is growing in Hogwarts, how Lily notice more of it, how Lily admiration for Mary is growing and how she searches for hope in Mary, how Lily deals with her identity as a muggleborn, how others around her worry about her and how there are moments between her and James that are nice and funny, how Lily can see that he is a caring guy. That there is a part of her that trusts him, how he can make her feel at ease, even when everything around them is falling apart.
> 
> And I wrote this chapter because I had this idea of James' owl in my head and I needed to show her off. I hope you like Bludger. I like her and James will be very offended if you don't ;)
> 
> Please tell me what you think and have a nice day.


	38. Year 4 Chapter 38

Lily nipped at a bottle of now warm beer and pulled a grimace. It had nothing of the sweet and comforting flavor of butterbeer, but had a bitter taste that Lily washed down with a sip from her coke glass. She must be a pathetic sight, sitting alone at a table with a beer and a glass of coke to wash the beer down. What a great way to celebrate New Year.

Around her people were talking, laughing and dancing. Petunia was still talking to the same boy. She hadn't paid Lily any attention since they came here. To be fair, Petunia didn't want Lily here, but their mother asked (more like ordered) her to take Lily with her to the party. She recognized some of the people here. She went to primary school with them after all, but really she never kept in contact with them. How would she even explain to them that her letters came with an owl? Looking around Lily knew that it was an excuse. The idea to belong to a new and so much more fascinating world had made it easy for her to forget about sandbox friendships.

Lily had tried to talk to a few old friends earlier and they had been friendly enough, but then they talked about school, the teachers and boys there and Lily didn't know what to say. She tried to tell anecdotes from Hogwarts, but each word had to be measured. Was what they did strange? How would you even pull such a prank without magic? Even her attempts to talk about school sport and call Quidditch football were difficult. You just couldn't translate a brilliant Quidditch move into football or rugby? How would you even try to talk about beaters? Sure she could try to talk about the people and how Potter was caught by Professor McGonagall how he made a list ranking the attractiveness of the girls in the class and how Sulfia bewailed the chance of learning more about his preference in girls when McGonagall destroyed the list after reading it. But talking about people that only you know is not very entertaining for the others. So Lily gave up and listened to their school stories. Soon after it got even more awkward when they changed the subject to music and some new movies. For the first time, Lily really noticed how much of the muggle world she was missing out on. Not just subjects like history and math and stuff, but just normal day-to-day life.

Because of all that Lily excused herself from them and now sat alone at a table. At least here she wouldn't risk accidentally telling muggles about magic, right?

Petunia danced really close with that boy. Did she have a boyfriend? Mum and Dad never said anything like that. Dorcas now had a boyfriend as well. He was a year older than them. If Lily was honest, she was a bit jealous how much time Dorcas now spent with Michael McKinnion. And while Sulfia often links her arms with her when some boys whistle after one of them and claim that they would wait for the best, Lily had the feeling that should Potter one day turn around and ask Sulfia out, she would see even less of her than of Dorcas. Boyfriends were a touchy topic to Lily right now. So she couldn't help but watch Petunia and that boy. He whispered something in her ear and took Petunia by the hand and led her somewhere Lily couldn't watch them.

The chair next to her scratched over the floor. "Do you wanna dance?" An arm slung around her shoulder without asking. A heavy smell of alcohol assaulted her when she turned her head. She knew the boy that sat next to her. He was a year older than her. Paul Newman, if she remembered it right.

"No thank you." Lily replied. The way his hand grabbed her shoulder made Lily uncomfortable and she tried to push his arm off.

"Oh come on. Don't be like that. I can show you a great time." He held on to her and leaned closer. With growing unease, Lily noticed how he stared down at her chest. She just wanted to hide.

"No really, I don't want to." She tried to get up, but he held her down. Instinctively her hand drove into the pocket of her skirt that hid her wand. Her fingers closed around the polished wood before she forced herself to let go. She could not hex a muggle for getting handsy with her in a room full of muggles. It was a strange feeling to know that she could deal with him with a flick of her wand, but still feel helpless because at the same time she couldn't.

"What is it? Goes off to a posh boarding school and now is too good for some old mining boys from back home?!" He was loud and sounded angry. People looked over to them and Lily skirmish in her seat. Everybody was only looking, but nobody said anything. "What? Are only some of those posh rich kids allowed to touch your goods?" He tried to pull her closer.

Was it self-defense if she knocked him off? Would she get a lot of trouble if all these people had to be oblivated? Some girls started to talk and look at her with pity. Lily saw someone hurry off.

But it turned out not everybody was only watching. A boy stepped behind Paul and emptied his beer over Paul's head. Paul let go of Lily and turned around with fury. "What the hell Bloomer!"

"It looked like you needed to cool down Newman." The other boy didn't look intimidated by the angry boy at all. "Now go outside or something. You made enough of a fool out of yourself for this year and we are not even half an hour in."

Paul was about to shout something back, but a couple of other guys appeared by his side and dragged him out. Both Lily and her rescuer sighed in relief. A moment later a flustered Petunia showed up.

"Lily is everything ok? Millie told be some boy wouldn't leave you alone." She first looked at Lily, then around and her eyes locked on her rescuer. "Jimmy Bloomer." Her voice was laced in venom and Lily was sure that even a manticore would hide away from her sister right now. He pulled up his arms and took a step away from Petunia.

"No, Tuney, everything is alright. It wasn't him. He actually got rid of that boy, Paul Newman." Lily hurried to correct her. Petunia looked unsure what to do next. She looked one last time at Lily, before turning around again.

"Well in this case, fine. Try not to get in trouble again." And off she went again. Petunia disappeared between the people and left Lily with Jimmy Bloomer. Lily looked at him and saw her own started expression mirrored on his face. They looked at each other for a second before dissolving into laughter. Jimmy Bloomer. The name was somewhat familiar. Lily looked at him closer. Dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, a few spots on his round face, but not that many. She knitted her eyebrows.

"Jim-jim? Is that you? From primary school?" Lily felt a bit of excitement at recognizing one of her earliest friends.

"I sure am and those fire red looks can only belong to Lily Evans. Am I right?" He gave her a grin back.

"YES!" Lily clapped her hands once, before blushing a little bit because of how loud and shrill she just sounded. "Please sit down." She offered him the vacant seat of Paul Newman and Jimmy sat down. "I'm surprised you still remember me. With me always being away."

"Oh, nobody could forget the strangest girl ever, don't worry." He laughed before sobering up for a moment. "Not in a bad way of course. Strange in a good way, I promise. There just was something about you that told you that there was more to you. Does that sentence even make sense?"

"Yeah… It's fine. So how are you Jimmy?" Lily asked with a huge smile.

"Great, great, not studentship for a posh Northern boarding school great, but great." He didn't say any of this with the malice that Paul Newman had. No, he sounded generous happy for her and didn't begrudge her the opportunity in any way. "And I actually now prefer to be called by my real name and not Jimmy or Jim-jim anymore. So it would be nice if you could call me James."

"James? Your name is James? Why didn't I know that?" Lily was seriously baffled at that revelation.

"Oh you know, my old man is named James too and he had a problem with calling me the same as his own name, so he and everybody else always called me Jim. But really I like James better." Jimmy, or better James, explained and Lily couldn't help but compare him to James Potter and pulled a face. "You don't like the name?" He asked at that.

"No, no! The name is fine, it's just that there is a James in my new class and he is a bit of a tosser." Lily told him.

"So I sure am the better James." He grinned and Lily couldn't help but agree.

"The best!" She grinned back.

They talked for hours and not once did Lily feel uncomfortable with James. He didn't check her out or looked at her chest when he thought she didn't see and tried to touch her more than necessary and never in a way that made her think, he was interested in anything physical. It was great and relaxing. They were still talking when Petunia found her and told her that they had to go home. Lily was really disappointed to leave James Bloomer behind.

"Oh, no problem Lily, I will come by tomorrow or so. Really you haven't seen the new James Bond movie. That is a gross negligence of your cinematic education. We will have to correct that!" James told her and Lily had to laugh.

"You just want to see the movie another time and all your other friends are sick of it already."Lily answered but still grinned at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I want to show here both Lily's growing estrangement with the muggle world and a bit of hope to reconnect. Those other people and muggle don't just tell her to get lost, but Lily just doesn't know how to talk about things. All those that moved away from home and return for a short while probably know this feeling to be out of the loop and in the teenage years this happens so much faster. But I still gave her someone that reaches out to her and let her back in. Please tell me what you think about this chapter. And we see this riff between Petunia and Lily. On one hand Petunia doesn't want to have her little sister always around and being forced to integrate her into her group of friends, but on the other Petunia is ready to defend her sister against creeps, as most big siblings would do, but then she is embarrassed about it in the next moment.
> 
> I hope you like the chapter. Please tell me what you think and a huge thank you to all my reviews.
> 
> Have a nice day


	39. Year 4 Chapter 39

"I'm telling you they are up to something." Sev told Lily. They sat together in the library and worked on their homework. Lily rolled her eyes behind her book. Really, they didn't spend that much time with each other anymore and Sev wanted to waste that time talking about Potter and his friends. But to be honest the topic they actually did talk about got fewer and fewer. They never talked about his friends really even if Lily had quite a few things to say about them, but nothing nice really. When Lily talked about her friends Sev liked to mock them and it made Lily uncomfortable and guilty because she didn't shout at Sev as much as she shouted at her other friends when they mocked Sev. Sev didn't like to talk about anything muggle and Lily actual by now preferred other sources to inform herself about the magical world. Sev seemed quite biased in his explanations. With time Lily noticed that Sev often had a very dark or sinister way of looking at some subjects. So all this left few topics for them to discuss besides school, their new Potions projects and well that they didn't like the Marauders. But to be perfectly honest, the idea to bond about a shared dislike didn't feel good to Lily and she knew that they were not always idiots and all that. "They are always sneaking around. They even come here into the library sometimes."

"Maybe they are doing their homework?" Lily answered absent-mindedly.

She scratched her head. Lily really tried to write into her dream journal, but sometimes she forgot or just couldn't remember any dreams. Sulfia and Black said that they just make some dreams up. Of course Lily could understand why, but she just really wished she wasn't forced to do that. Maybe she could write down an old dream, like the one she always had as a child, when she did accidental magic or something went wrong or her parents were fighting because they felt overwhelmed by it because they couldn't understand what was going on. Back then she often dreamed of a doe, that would stay with her until she calmed down.

"But they don't! I looked at the books they worked with. It had nothing to do with any homework!"Severus answered immediately. "They are hiding something, probably illegal." He sneered. Lily thought that Severus sneered far too often in recent times.

"What is it to you?" Lily replied. She really tried to pay Severus attention, but it was just annoying. Between Severus and Sulfia it seemed like everybody only talked about Potter. Even with quite polar opposite intentions.

"They get away with too much. Somebody should knock them down from their throne." Severus declared, but Lily couldn't understand why he thought it was his job.

"Sev, let the teachers handle those boys. They will always target you if you don't leave them alone." Lily raised her hand to stop Severus' upcoming protest. "And yes I know, you follow them, because they go after you and they say they go after you because you tattle them out to the teachers. At one point one of you has to be the bigger man and walk away from this. If you stop paying them any mind, they will lose interest in you."

"But they would still be around and unpunished!" Sev got loud for a moment and the librarian shooed them up again.

"Of course they would be still around. What do you expect Dumbledore to do? Expel them for pranks and name calling? Then half of Slytherin would be gone by now." Sev looked hurt at her words as if she was unfair to him by comparing the bullying he received to what many of his housemates did to muggleborns. A small voice in the back of her head said that it was probably the other way round, unfair to the Marauders to be compared to the Slytherins, but she ignored it.

"There is something going on with them. Something is off with that lot. Just look at Lupin. Nobody is sick so often and so periodically and Potter and Black get all defensive when you try to look into it." Severus tried to change the subject.

Lily felt a shiver run down her back. Remus secret was hers to protect and as much as she would like to pretend that, her best friend, Sev wouldn't judge or harm someone over something they couldn't choose, Lily knew that she couldn't trust him with this secret. "Not that again! Remus never did anything to you. Leave him out of it. He is a sickly boy, so what? If you have a problem with Potter and Black go after them, but leave Remus and Peter out of it!" Lily now raised her voice. The librarian glared over to them and got out of her seat. Lily grabbed her books and got up. "Don't worry Madam Pince, I'm leaving."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. From the memory of Snape it looked like it wasn't the first time they were talking about Remus and Lily wasn't interested in his theory at all. In my story that is, because she knew and felt like she had to protect that secret. Additional I want to show how their friendship is chipping away slowly. They are still friends and Lily still cares about him, but their shared interests are shrinking and the topics they are able to talk about. Lily didn't feel comfortable to unite in hate against somebody, not like Snape is. That is the main level how he connects with his other friends and the less he and Lily have in common with each other the more he tries to push for that connection, without realizing that it would push Lily away further.


	40. Year 4 Chapter 40

Lily yawned widely. "Why again are we out here in the cold at a Saturday morning, Sulfia? Please remind me why I shouldn't turn around right now and go back to bed."

"Because we promised Dorcas." Sulfia answered. She was carrying her own broom, while Lily would need to borrow one. Both girls trotted towards the Quidditch field. On the way there a couple of younger students ran past them some with, some without brooms. "And because James Potter will be there." Sulfia added with a wink.

Lily rolled her eyes. "That is most definitely not why I'm here."

"But why I am!" Sulfia grinned and checked her ponytail one last time. "How do I look?"

"Ready for a game of Quidditch." Lily hoped that that was the right answer.

"Not as if I could knock somebody off their broom?"

"Nay, you don't have the right build for a beater." That made both girls laugh.

They reached the pitch and a wide assembly of first to fourth year Gryffindors were running around. It was loud. At the end of the pitch, Lily noticed Black, Peter and Remus. They went over to them.

"Hey, were you robbed into this as well?" Lily asked Remus.

"Yes, James put on his sad puppy eyes until we all agreed to help." Remus answered. He sighed and looked at Lily. "You don't have a broom either? Then let's go and get one, before all the good ones are gone."

"Dorcas promised me to save me a good one…" Lily looked at all the younger students that fought with each other at the broom closet.

"And how long do you think she can defend this broom from all these little monsters?" Peter asked with an innocent smile. He had his own broom. It's wasn't the newest model or anything, but at least it wasn't a school broom.

Lily felt dread wash over her. She grabbed Remus' arms and pulled him with her. "Come on, we will get there!"

After a few minutes and threatening to hex a second year that tried to rip the broom Dorcas kept for her out of Lily's hands, she was finally in the air. Dorcas flew up to her and Sulfia and hugged both in mid-air.

"Thank you so much for coming. I'm not sure if I would be able to handle any of this without you." Dorcas admitted and looked intimated at the prospect to speak in front of the younger students.

"Why again are we here, if you don't want to be here?" Lily asked. It had been quite some time since she last flew a broom and she still felt a bit shaky in the air.

"James' idea. This year we didn't have free periods that let us fly, so he tried to book the pitch Saturday morning until ten or eleven, but McGonagall had none of it until James declared that the time would be for all underclass Gryffindors and that he personally would coordinate some games with the younger students. He somehow managed to talk McG into it and now we have to do this." Dorcas explained and all three watched how Potter landed when McGonagall walked onto the pitch. They talked with each other and then the Gryffindor house teacher sat down in the ranks.

Potter cast a booming voice spell on himself and he started to order the students around. "Ok everybody up into the air! First years to the right forth to the left!"

It took some time for everybody to find their place.

"Ok, minions and following forth years!" He gave everybody a cheeky grin and quite a few people laughed at his joke.

Someone shouted back at him. "Why are the fourth-years not minions like the rest of us?"

Black's voice answered him, loud, next to Lily's ear. "Because Evans would hex him until he doesn't know one end of the broom from the other if he calls her a minion!"

"Shut up or I'm going to hex you until you don't know a quaffle from a bludger!" Lily shouted back.

"SEE!"

Some more students laughed.

"Ok, now that we all know that the redhead is the most dangerous person on the field." Lily glared at Potter, but he winked at her before turning back to the other students. "We will warm up a little bit, after that, we will play some small games for the different positions and then finally we will play some quidditch!" Everybody cheered at his last words.

The warm-up was flying some figures and fast turns in the air. Dorcas and Potter flew over everybody and watched them.

After that, they played games. James, Peter, and Sulfia played monkey in the middle with all those interested in chaser or keeper, while Remus and Sirius played something like tennis with the beaters with cricket balls and bats.

That left Lily with Dorcas and the seeker kids. Two days ago, Dorcas had begged her for an idea for a game to play with them and yesterday Lily found a few spells that could help them.

Five little snotty brats stared hopefully at Dorcas.

"H-hi." Dorcas swallowed heavily. "I'm Dorcas Meadowes." She gave a nervous laughter. "I- I'm the se-seeker on the Gryffindor team right now and I'll play a game with you."

Dorcas' normally dark face had a strange greenish tint to it when she looked at Lily with big eyes.

Lily flew next to her and pulled out a box with sweets. Lily mumbled a few quick spells and the sweets each were surrounded by a small glowing golden globe and hovered in the air. "I will send these sweets all over the field and you will have to spot and collect them. Who finds the most wins. Now all come here and heads together and I send them off."

Soon the kids were flying all over the quidditch field and looked for the small golden glimmers. It wasn't so much a flying test, but training for the eyes. Lily had packed enough that every kid should get at least two or three, even if some of them caught ten or so.

Dorcas flew next to Lily and squeezed her hand softly. "Thank you. It's terrifying, you know."

"You did great, Dorcas, don't worry so much." Lily looked around to all the kids playing. James was in the middle of it and explained some kind of maneuver to the excited younger students. He was surprisingly good at dealing with the younger students. "Potter really loves to be the center of attention."

"Hmm?" Dorcas looked down too and nodded. "Yeah, he loves it. But this is not just his craving for admiration, this is his idea of scouting players for the team."

Lily whipped her head around. "What? He is not the captain or anything."

"No, not yet, but honestly it is only a matter of time until he is. Next year Darjeeling will probably get captaincy and that only because he is older. Terrible reason if you ask me, They got on the team the same year. James has better ideas for tactics and strategy than most." Dorcas explained and Lily couldn't help but feel a little respect for Potter.

"And he starts scouting now for in two years?" Lily asked. She would have never believed him to be somebody to plan ahead so far.

"Yes, he wants to do something like this regular and then he would be able to better judge somebody's flying abilities than just that one day at the try-outs and id nothing else gives potential players more time and chances to fly. James takes Quidditch really serious."

Lily looked back at him, only to see him watching Dorcas and her as well. A wide grin grew on his face and he held up on of the charmed sweets to them, before unwrapping it and popping it into his mouth. When and where did he catch that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I want Lily to see some more of James, on his ground and a way for him to be in his element. Here she ha a chance to observe James in a friendlier setting and see more of him and things she can admire about him. How he is passionate about things he cares about, how he gives 100% for those things, how creative he can be to fulfill his aim and how he is a born leader, someone ready and able to take charge and someone that is willing to pull others with him in his fun.
> 
> On the other side, James can see a more relaxed and fun-loving Lily as well. Someone that doesn't take herself to serious for some silly Quidditch games. He needs as much reason to fall so head over heel in love with Lily as Lily. That is something I don't often see in stories about those two. He far too often just is in love with her and nothing can change that and while James is falling for Lily first, I still want there to be moments when he can see more than the screaming banshee that protects the future death eater. He sees more than that. He sees the girl that loves all her friends, that does silly things with them and who is clever and creative in her own right. But I already wrote that story with The Best, right? Still, I want James to have as much chance to experience a nice Lily as Lily should have to see a nice James.
> 
> Little bonus, this chapter gives McGonagall a chance to see James in a leadership role, I mean the school is handing over the head boy badge to him in 2 and 1/2 year. They should at least see some potential before that, right?
> 
> I hope you like the chapter. It is a bit fun and fluffy! Please leave me a review and tell me what you think.
> 
> Have a nice day!


	41. Year 4 Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is some swearing in this chapter

People were killed. More and more people were killed. The aurors were fighting back and stories about raids were in the papers. Nearly no week went by without someone getting an owl that a family member was killed. One way or another. The tension around the castle was rising high. "All this is getting really out of control…" Sulfia mumbled to Dorcas and Lily. The sat in the common room and managed to get a table for three. She had a troubled look on her face.

"What is getting out of control?" Dorcas asked.

"You know the whole thing with-" Sulfia stopped for a moment. "You-know-who." She hissed through her teeth.

"What?" Lily looked at her confused. Sulfia rolled her eyes.

"You know," She jerked her head just so slightly in Holly Walker's direction. A few days ago the seventh year got a letter that her boyfriend was killed in a battle, allegedly from this Voldemort personally. Since then she always burst into tears as soon as she heard the name. "You-know-who."

"Oh!" Lily glanced over to Holly to make sure that she didn't listen somehow. "Yes, yes, of course, You-know-who." Dorcas nodded as well. "So what is out of control?"

"The killings. Now half-bloods from even old and powerful families are killed. It shows that the ministry really is losing control over the situation." Sulfia pressed her lips into a thin line.

The last months, probably even those years since Lily came to Hogwarts, were intense with this underlying hostility and aggression and all this made Lily do something she would immediately regret. She lashed out against Sulfia. "Oh, so it was still under control as long as only muggleborns disappeared and died?" Lily could nearly taste the venom on her own lips.

For a second Sulfia recoiled, but only a second. Sulfia wouldn't be Sulfia if she would take something like this laying down. Her eyes lighted up with anger. "First! That's not what I was saying and you bloody know it! I was talking about the state of the ministry and not that I, of bloody course, find all of this disgusting, every single death!" Sulfia hissed back. "Second! Don't you ever dare to give me shit like this, when you are still friends with that slimy git Snivellus!"

"Don't call him that and he has nothing to do with this!" Lily really tried to keep her voice down, but she knew it was a losing battle. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw how a few people watched them with interested, while others fled the common room, Holly and her friends among them. She really wasn't up to any shouting anymore. "I'm sick of your stupid hate on Severus! You just mindlessly repeat what Potter is tooting around!" That was not true and Lily knew it. Sulfia didn't like Sev for a long time and it had little to do with Potter.

"Lily, please…" Dorcas' calming voice tried to stop her, but Lily ignored her.

"Oh shut up! You are the one that makes a fool out of yourself by pretending Snape is not a slimy dark magic git that is on his way to be a DEATH EATER! You know the guys that do all the bloody MURDERING!" Sulfia growled and bared her teeth. Her face was a mask of anger and disgust. "Oh don't look so shocked! Even you can't be surprised. You know that he hangs out with all those other bigots and laugh at their anti-muggle jokes all the time!"

"Sulfia, don't." Dorcas laid a hand on Sulfia's arm, but the other girl just pushed it aside.

"He is not like that! You just don't know him!" Why couldn't her friends just see that they were WRONG about Sev? Lily was angry and annoyed and it was strangely liberating to fight and shout like this. With Sev it felt like she walking on eggshells sometimes. "You hated him from the first day!" She accused Sulfia.

"Girls…" Dorcas sounded more and more desperate to calm them down.

"And for some bloody good reasons! He was always a creepy dark magic loving cunt and still is! Only worst! Because now he knows even more dark magic!" Sulfia was now on her feet and Lily jumped up as well. "But of course Lily BLOODY PERFECT Evans, couldn't possibly be wrong! Everybody else must be wrong!"

"Maybe you are!" Lily's voice turned shrill.

"I- WE'RE NOT! Maybe you should ask Susan O'Kelly about how delightful it is for other muggleborns to deal with him. She had some chosen words for him after she had to work with him in herbology! You are wrong and one day even your deluded ass will see this! And on the day you have to admit that you can't save a creepy cunt from being a creepy cunt, you'll cry your stupid eyes out and I'll stand there and laugh and tell you 'I bloody told you so!'!"

"That will never happen!" Lily snarled back.

"I won't bet money on that Evans, you don't have enough to throw it away and you're shit in Divination." With that Sulfia flipped her hair back and stalked out of the room up to the dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. After the fluff chapter a not so fluffy chapter. The stress is growing in the magical world and sometimes the pressure gets too high... Harry is described by Dumbledore that he has a lot of his character from his mother and I at least remember moments when he vented his anger undeserving at his friends. Why shouldn't Harry get some of his flaws from his mother as well and to be honest I think James is a too good friend to act like that towards his friends.
> 
> In the books it is said that Lily had to defend Snape from her other friends, this is one of those moments. I really don't like stories where an OC friend of Lily is kind and understanding towards Snape. No, her other friends didn't like him and thought he was bad news for Lily (and they were right). The Sulfia I created is far too sassy and confident to let Lily have the last word in such a discussion.
> 
> On another note, it was always really strange how people just stopped saying Voldemort's name out of fear. That sounds like a reaction a toddler would have. If I don't say it, it isn't there, but it always seemed out of place for adults. But once you stopped saying his name it would be a lot easier to feel uncomfortable to start again. Here is my idea why they stopped saying his name in the first place; compassion. There were people that reacted really bad when hearing his name and others decided to take that into account and didn't say it. With time it then got more normal to talk about 'You-know-who' because you never know who is sitting close to you at breakfast or in the lunch break.
> 
> I hope you still like this chapter even if it is a huge fight. Please leave me a review and tell me your thoughts about the chapter and how the name Voldemort was replaced with You-know-who.
> 
> Have a nice day.


	42. Year 4 Chapter 42

Lily and Sulfia didn't talk for over a week and Lily missed her friend. A part of her knew that she was unfair to Sulfia, but she had no right to talk about Sev like that, right? Sometimes Lily looked over to Sulfia in class. Sometimes she saw Sulfia looking at her as well. When that happened both of them looked away again immediately. It was like that all the time.

They were in their dorm and both got ready to go to bed while ignoring each other. Lily turned around when she heard a soft sniffing. Dorcas sat on her bed and her eyes looked teary.

"Dorcas, what is wrong?" Lily hurried over to Dorcas side and it didn't even matter that Sulfia did the same.

"I hate it." Dorcas said and the first tears began to fall.

"What do you hate?" Sulfia asked and rubbed her back.

"You two and your fighting. I hate it! I want my friends back…"

Lily winced at Dorcas words and looked over to Sulfia. She looked as helpless as Lily felt.

"I want us to hang out again and learn together again, I want to talk about senseless stuff and Quidditch. You are just stupid and stubborn, because you both miss each other. Why can't you make up again?" Dorcas continued.

"Eh…"

Lily and Sulfia looked at each other. Lily wiggled with her hands and Sulfia worried her lips.

"Sulfia-" "Lily-" They started at the same time. They gave each other a shy smile.

"Lily I don't want us fighting…" Sulfia started again.

"Me neither!" Lily agreed and nodded. Both laughed relieved. "I'm sorry that I made it sound like you could agree with all that bullshit."

"And I'm sorry that I went off on you like that. It must be so much more frightening for you than for us." Sulfia offered as her own apology. "Friends?"

Lily wanted to take her hand so badly, but- "What about Sev?" She couldn't help but ask.

Sulfia pursed her lips, and then she shook her head. "I'm not going to apologize for what I said about him." Lily wanted to protest. "I don't trust him and the people he calls his friends. They are the worst kind of pureblood idiots and I just can't see Sni- Snape as innocent when he tolerates that in his friends… And no Dorcas, I'm not going to lie and tell her what she wants to hear. I don't want my friendships to be based on lies."

Lily's lips quivered. She wanted to defend Sev against Sulfia's words. He was her best friend after all, but she wanted to be friends with Sulfia again as well. Then again Sev's other friends didn't like her very much either. But…

"How about we don't talk about him? Ever" Dorcas said. She looked from Lily to Sulfia and back. "We know that you, Lily, don't think he is bad and you know that we think there is something off with him. We don't always have to repeat it and fight over it again. So we will stop complaining about Snape or correcting you when you say something about him." It wasn't really what Lily wanted, but she couldn't order her friends to like Sev, right? And if she was honest, if she would be only friends with people that like Sev… A shiver ran over her back when she thought about his friends. Lily nodded slowly. Sulfia crossed her arms. She didn't like being told to shut up. Dorcas held up a hand before she could say something and turned back to Lily. "And you in return will stop complaining about James."

"What? Why?" Now Lily crossed her arms. Why shouldn't she say something when he was unbearable?

"Because he is our friend." Dorcas replied snappishly. She looked like she was losing her patience. She took a deep breath and calmed down again"We maybe don't get all worked up about your complains about him as you do with our comments about Snape, but it's annoying to us as well. We just know that he doesn't need to be protected by us. I know him since we were three or something and I know that he is not nearly as bad as you made him out to be. We don't expect you to be friends with him, but if we stop complaining about Snape, you stop complaining about James. That's the deal."

"Does that mean Sulfia can't talk about Potter either?" Lily asked. A small smile wanted to sneak on her face. Sulfia looked outraged at that idea and Dorcas just shook her head.

"No, she is not complaining about him and you can't forbid her to have a crush on him. It is something very different." Dorcas tried to mediate, then she looked at Lily with wide shocked eyes. "It is different, right? You don't have a crush on Snape? Do you?" Disgust shone on both her friends' faces. Lily shook her head. "Good. So do we have a deal?"

Sulfia and Lily looked at each other for some time, before they nodded and shook each other's hands.

Dorcas clapped and bounced on her feet. "Great! What do you think about a sleepover to celebrate?"

"We're already sharing a dorm…" Sulfia rolled her eyes, but she couldn't hide her wide grin.

"Oh shut up you. I mean with snacks and chocolate cake from the kitchen and stuff!" Dorcas stuck out her tongue at Sulfia.

"Sounds fine to me." Lily grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I thought about putting this chapter together with the last one, but I decided that the fight and the makeup deserve a chapter each. The others are open about Snape with Lily, but they don't want to always fight about the same thing over and over again. But you can show your displeasure with something even without words don't worry. Both sides are very convinced of their position, but they still want to be friends even after everything.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter. Please leave a review and have a lovely day.


	43. Year 4 Chapter 43

The pens she used were just dirt cheap promotional pens from the mine her father worked in. There was nothing outstanding about them. They were boring black and had a promotion slogan printed on them. They were not special, just some muggle pens, but that made them special in this magic school in some way.

Lily started to charm her pens in an, especially boring history class. Her eyelids had been so heavy and she just couldn't stay away much longer if she didn't do something. That was when she first charmed her pen to change colors. Then the next time she made little stars twinkle on the black background. With time those spells got more and more complicated and Lily loved it.

Her friends not so much.

Lily, of course, knew that Severus didn't like her pens. Whenever she wrote with one he would frown and gave it a dismissive look. Lily learned to ignore this kind of behavior. It didn't mean anything. Sev didn't have to like pens. Right?

But this was not just dislike for them.

Lily still held the ingredients for their potion in her hands. She went to get them from the cupboard while Sev prepared their cauldron and workplace. But Lily's eyes were not on all the accurately prepared potioneer tools, but her broken pen on the floor.

"It fell down and broke." Sev said. "You know how shoddy muggle stuff is." He told her.

'It was just a pen.' Lily told herself. 'Just a pen. No reason to be angry or hurt.' She repeated to herself, but she couldn't look past the broken pen.

It looked crushed, like somebody stepped on it with propose, twisting his foot in the fragments of the plastic sleeve. Tears stung in her eyes, but she swallowed them back down. Carefully she sat the ingredients on the table.

"Here, I have an extra quill for you." He smiled at her, kindly, even benevolently, like she should be grateful for his offer.

Her fists balled in anger. "That won't be necessary. I have a few extra pens in my bag." She tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace. Just to show him that she would write with her pens, she pulled not one but three extra pens out and carefully placed them on the desk. Severus' smile turned into a frown again. "You really shouldn't use that inferior muggle stuff, if nothing else it's embarrassing and people start to talk."

"Luckily I don't listen to people when they talk. Or I would have listened to everybody that told me it's embarrassing to be friends with a Slytherin." Lily knew she said it with more bail than needed, but she was no idiot and to be treated like one by her best friend made her angry.

How dare he to think he knew what was best for her? How dare he to attempt to bend her behavior to his will? How dare he?!

Neither Severus nor Lily said much else during that class. He didn't apologize for what he did and she didn't snap at him as she wanted. But Severus wasn't the only one that seemed to have a problem with her pens.

It was exhausting to discuss this over and over again. Dorcas was the only one that didn't say anything about her pens and Lily was grateful for it. Sulfia, on the other hand, had an opinion about everything, including Lily's pens.

"It's like you want to provoke those idiots by flaunting your muggle parentage in front of everybody like this." Lily knew that Sulfia didn't mean it in a bad way and that she was only trying to look out for Lily especially with all the new attacks in Hogwarts itself, but Lily couldn't help but be annoyed. Sulfia never had been someone to hide away or shy away when faced with conflict. Why would she now start to advise Lily to do it?

"You sound like Severus." Lily just told her and Sulfia screwed up her nose in disgust. It was a cheap shot, because of their agreement that Sulfia couldn't complain about Severus, but Lily didn't care as long as it shut her up. But that was not all Lily had to say. "And maybe I want to show my muggle heritage. Everybody here is going on about what some great-great-granduncle has done or something. Why should I hide or be ashamed of my family?" Lily crossed her arms and looked Sulfia directly in the eyes, daring her to disagree.

Sulfia didn't have a chance to because James Potter literally crashed the conversation. He somehow fell off the couch and to their feet. A fine blush crept on his face. "Eh, hey." He waved and ran his hand through his hair.

"Hey?" What had he planned this time?

"I think they are awesome!" James claimed loudly and some people in the common room turned around to him. "Your pens. I think they are awesome. I never saw you using an inkwell with them and that's really cool because then you can't spill it everywhere. Just last week I spilled my inkwell on my bed when I was doing some last minute homework. That won't happen to you and that's cool…" He trailed off.

"Eh, thank you." Lily mumbled. She was playing with her pen and her mouth and nose wiggled from one side to the other. Lily was started by his words. This was the first time somebody said something positive about her pens. She wasn't sure how to react to that. It felt nice.

"Yeah, that was all I wanted to say…" James stood up and turned around.

Lily watched him as he walked back to his friends. This was probably a terrible idea, but…

But he was the first to really support her with her pens. She reached into her bag and pulled one out.

"Eh, Potter?" Lily softly called after him. James immediately turned around again. She held the pen out to him. "Do you- eh- want one?"

Lily half expected him to laugh at her face, but he didn't. He looked at her with owlish eyes and took the pen from her. He held it like it was some great treasure. A smile spread over his face. Lily gave him one of her own back.

Maybe he was only entertaining her crazy ideas, but it felt nice to have somebody who supported her. The next days he wrote with this pen and he even took great care of it. Much greater care than Lily ever did.

Severus was so angry when he saw Potter with the pen. First, he accused Potter in the middle of the class of stealing the pen from her and when Lily corrected him he snarled at her. After the class, he pulled her with him until they were alone.

"You give him stuff?!" His face turned red with anger. "Are you now cuddling up with the enemy!" In his fury, a few drops of spit landed on her face.

How dare he? How dare he to accuse her of that? When he was friends with Mulciber and Avery! Her anger turned cold and Lily answered him with an icy voice. "Potter is not the enemy." The quiet voice of Mrs. Stern came back to her mind. Telling her about real enemies.

"He is!"

"No, I know who my enemies are. My enemies think that my muggle parents are in the best case an embarrassment and in the worst case a reason to kill me. Potter is only a little schoolboy with a stupid sense of humor. I know my enemies and he isn't one!" With those words, Lily turned around and stalked away from Severus and it felt good. How often had she listened to him talking about his enemies and how often had Lily stayed quiet to keep the peace?

It felt really good to speak her mind like this about things that really matter to her. Better than just shouting at Potter about some prank he played even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Some of you already read a bit of this from James' pov in 'The Best'. Here we see Lily and why she felt motivated to include James for ones. James supported her in her ways when everybody else wanted her to lay low and assimilate even more. And for that moment they were allies. His way of acting gives Lily a boost of confidence in a time when she most needs it.
> 
> Now her other friends didn't have mean intentions. In the opposite, they are afraid for her and want to protect her. They don't want her to wear an even bigger target on her back than she already has. But in their attempts to protect her, they didn't give Lily as much say as she should have.
> 
> So Snape wasn't trying to be mean to her when he destroyed that pen, but the idea that he decides what is best for her and is trying to control Lily in that way is not only condescending but insulting. We know that Lily does explode at Snape a little bit when he used the words 'I wouldn't let you'. You don't react like that if this isn't something that happened before if it isn't something you noticed and hated.
> 
> Sulfia here actual feels the same need to protect Lily, but she didn't go so far as trying to force Lily to act in the way she wants her to. She is just trying to convince her.
> 
> Now the last part of Lily saying she knows who her enemies are, is important to me, because a character that grows up in a world that for years is at war about her right to live, that has to fear for her and her families lives because people are out there killing people like her can't just go around and call people like the Marauders that prank and bully her 'enemies'. Not without making her an idiot, the most naive person ever, terrible uninformed and again stupid, being completely brainwashed or so deep in denial that she is lying through her teeth. I decided that my Lily is none of that, or at least not anymore. She grew up so since the summer holidays and her conversation with Mrs Stern. Her moral compass is developing and her blinders come off. She no longer held back her thoughts and ideas, no longer is keeping the peace the most important thing.
> 
> So this chapter has some fluff for James and Lily, some conflict for Lily and Snape and some character development for Lily. I hope you like the chapter and it would be lovely if you leave me a comment.
> 
> Thank you to all my reviewers. It is brilliant that give me your feedback.
> 
> Have a nice day


	44. Year 4 Chapter 44

The school had erupted into chaos when Mary got in the hospital wing and it was bad. Rumors flew around about a curse on her wand hand, that she would never be able to challenge magic through it. Black veins were supposedly throbbing all over her arm, slowly choking her or her magic. Some said they tried to steal her magic. Some claimed they succeeded. Some said Mary was in a coma and wouldn't wake up, fighting for her life and magic. Some said she was already dead and the school just wanted to hide it. Some claim she awake again. Some that she was unharmed and only played everything up.

It was as if somebody declared open war between the students. Gryffindor against Slytherin. Muggleborns against pureblood believers. Everybody mistrusted each other. There wasn't a day without some students dueling. The hospital wing had to be extended to fit all the students in. Some kind of invisible line had been crossed. Slytherins stood together and laughed about Mary's fate and Gryffindors would react to that with some jinxes. Some teachers even went so far and broke up classes that those two houses had together. In the fifth year, Mary's year, Gryffindors and Slytherins didn't have a single class together anymore. And in Lily's year only Potions, History and Divination was shared between the houses. Few teachers could control both houses in one room and if Lily was honest Slughorn wasn't one of them and a few times she had actually wished to break up the class. She wasn't feeling comfortable brewing dangerous potions, while a fist fight or wand duel was only one word away.

When Mary finally woke up again her first words were accusing Mulciber and his friends attacking her. The tension only got worse. A lot of people wanted him excluded from Hogwarts, but Sulfia told Lily that a couple of powerful families protected him and his friends, some of them on the school board. Mary had to stay in the hospital wing for some more weeks. The fighting didn't stop. It got worse.

Lily saw the Marauders as some of the first and loudest against the Slytherins and anyone talking about the whole pureblood rubbish or that Mary deserved it. And Severus couldn't help but antagonize them even more. It frightened Lily a little bit. Didn't Sev see that for once those boys were in the right?

Somehow that fight escalated in a terrible way. Severus had ended in the hospital wing and Potter as well. Lily had tried to visit him but wasn't allowed in, but Madam Pomfrey assured a scared Lily that Severus was alright.

Lily was sure that Potter and Black had done something and Remus knew it as well. He wasn't talking to either of the boys. When Lily could finally see Severus he had only raged against the Marauders but didn't tell her exactly what happened. Everybody involved was unusual tight-lipped about it. Potter and Peter were trying to talk with Remus and ignoring Black. Black tried to get any of the three to talk with him. And Remus seemingly avoided everybody and their grandmother. But miraculously the fighting in the school got less. Lily had watched Potter actual talk some Gryffindors down from a fight. Everybody was still glaring at each other and the wand was quick at hand, but people didn't just attack each other anymore.

Lily searched for Remus. It took her nearly the whole afternoon before she finally found him. He was holed up in a little study room close to the library. It had been over a week since then, but he still looked terrible. The dark rings under his eyes and ash white skin gave him the look of death heated up again. Lily wanted answers.

"Hey." Lily said quietly and put a chocolate bar down in front of him. Remus recoiled from her, but Lily ignored it and sat down at his table. "I have been looking for you."

Remus avoided her eyes.

"Remus, what happened with Potter and Severus?" She asked him.

Remus went stiff and avoided her eyes.

"What had that idiotic friend of yours done to him?"Lily crossed her arms and trapped her foot impatiently.

Remus looked up with a start. "James did nothing wrong!" He said louder than he probably intended. Lily wanted to say something, but before she could open her mouth Remus continued. "He saved his life. He saved fucking Snape's stupid life and risked his own one for it. He nearly died! I nearly killed him..."

This confession shocked Lily. Severus had been so angry with Potter. It didn't make sense that Potter saved his life. Remus started to shake and shiver before he broke down in sobs. Lily put an arm around him and rubbed his back. She was still confused about what was going on. And Remus nearly killed him? That didn't make any sense. Remus was a kind and sweet person, if it wasn't- Oh… Her eyes widened. She realized what must have happened.

"I could have killed them. Just kill him. I didn't even recognize James. He is my friend, my best friend and I didn't recognize him. I was trying to kill him." He whispered in a broken voice, borrowing his face in his arms.

Lily didn't know what to say and a tiny part of her was annoyed that Remus cared so much more about what could have happened to Potter than Severus. But Potter was Remus best friend and no matter how much Lily disagreed with his choice of friends, of course, Remus would care more about his friend.

"I can't look him in the eyes. I just can't. He saw the monster I am. There must be a part of him that is afraid and hates me now. I can't bear to see it." Remus whispered and Lily's heart broke for him.

"Oh Remus." She whispered and rubbed his back some more. It took some minutes for Remus to calm down again. But in the end, her curiosity won out. "What exactly happened? How did Severus get to you and what does Potter have to do with it?"

Remus looked conflicted for a moment before he started to talk. It seemed like it was a relief for him to finally be able to say everything. "Sirius told him how to get to my hiding place." Lily was shocked. Black had just tricked Severus to face a full transformed werewolf? There must be something wrong with him. Remus continued. "Well, kind of. He talked with Peter about how to get to me, but he knew that Snape was following them around. Peter didn't know. Sirius just let him eavesdrop on them." Remus sniffed again.

"He knew that Snape was sneaking around and let Snape know in that way. I know, that he was angry with Snape for teaching Regulus some of his rubbish dark magic, but I never thought… He said something later in the common room. I don't know what, but James understood him and went after Snape. What was he thinking? Why did he think he could do any more against me than Snape?" Remus sounded desperate and terrified.

"But he did? Right? They both got out of there more or less unharmed, right." Lily both asked and reassured him.

"He made part of the tunnel collapse on me." Remus said. "The next day he stood next to my bed and apologized to me. To ME! I wanted to rip him apart and he apologized to me for defending himself."

"It doesn't sound like P- James hates you. He worries about you." The words tasted like ash on her tongue. Part of her wanted to tell Remus to forget about those boys and find better friends, but she saw that it hurt Remus, that he missed his friends and that Potter was a good friend to Remus. Even if Lily wasn't so sure about Black. How could that boy do something like sending someone to a werewolf? Anger simmered in her guts.

"Remus, why is Black still at the school, if he tried to have Severus killed?" It was one of the things that made her furious. Remus shrugged his shoulders.

"He technically was only talking to Peter, about how to bring me chocolate in the morning. They do that since second year. Claims that he didn't know Snape was eavesdropping on them. There is nothing that proves intention on his part."Remus was still shivering like a leaf. "I just don't know what to think. But it will probably end the same way Mulciber got away with his trollshit. Even if his parents hate him, they would never allow that a Black got expelled from Hogwarts. And Dumbledore just wants to keep the peace and not let it escalate further. As a kind of cosmic justice. One Slytherin and one Gryffindor get away with stuff and everything is fine again. If Sirius goes, Mulciber goes and the other way round, I think." Remus said in a joyless voice.

Two wrongs didn't make a right. Lily thought but didn't say it. She just held Remus for a bit longer.

"I miss them." He whispered. So very quiet and lost, that Lily's heart broke again. "I miss them so much. I miss joking with them and planning pranks. I miss James blabbering on about Quidditch and yo- and stuff. I miss that Peter always has a dark chocolate bar in his bag he doesn't like, just for me. I even miss Sirius and his stupid jokes and that he would hex anyone that so much as breathe the wrong way in the direction of his friends. I miss fighting with them at breakfast about who gets the biggest waffle. I miss that they would fight anyone that says something like 'put down werewolves'. I miss them."

Lily watched her friend. "Then talk with Po- James and Peter. They will be happy about it and maybe after some time, you can even try to forgive Bl- Sirius. They make you happy. Don't give that up. Do you want me to come with you if you don't want to face them alone?"

Remus looked at her before throwing his arms around her. "Thank you."

She was still angry with Black, but Potter had done the right thing and in the end, she was doing it for Remus and not anybody else. And if that means that she would stand outside the boys dorm for an hour or two when Remus was talking to them so be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. A few things about this chapter.
> 
> 1) Lily and Remus are not the most interesting characters to look at when thinking about this problem, because both can only have second account knowledge about the whole thing. Lily because she just wasn't there and Remus because he is unable to remember. But in this case, it made the most sense that Lily would be able to talk freely about it with Remus, opposite to anybody else in school.
> 
> 2) I decided to put this whole thing near the end of the fourth year. We know that Lily and Snape were still talking with each other and that James went after Snape. That let me come to the conclusion that it most happen before the Marauders became animagi, because after that they were already with Remus when he transforms.
> 
> 3)The whole 'werewolf prank' from Sirius always confused me.
> 
> Why would Snape just follow his directions? That doesn't make much sense. Why wasn't there any harsher punishment for Sirius? This is the version that makes the most sense to me. Snape followed the directions because he thought he listened in on Sirius with him unknowing... What clues in James was probably Sirius saying something like: 'Let's see how much that greasy git likes snooping around after meeting Moony." That is technically the only proof of intention and James is the only one that could reveal that to Dumbledore. And even if he is furious with Sirius he wouldn't do that to him.
> 
> 4) The reason why everything was swept under the rug was for two reasons, first Sirius' family. Even if they didn't like Sirius, they still wouldn't allow such shame to befall them. Second, Dumbledore and the teachers were starting to lose control over the school. If a couple of hundred students start to fight each other, a few teachers can't do much against it and you better get everything under control before they realize that. The war took hold of the whole magical world and even Dumbledore couldn't shield the school against it. To Dumbledore, this was a way to gain back control, by pretty much giving absolution to all those involved, if the other side keeps quiet too.
> 
> 5) The Mary incident. I just can't imagine that that incident and the werewolf prank are completely unconnected. They have too many things in common for a writer to make it a coincident. We know that they happen around the same time. In one case a Gryffindor was attacked by a Slytherin with dark magic, in the other, a Slytherin was threatened with a dark creature. We know that both incidents are talked down by their own side. Werewolf 'prank' and 'it was just a laugh'. Both things seem to have little consequences for those involved. You can't have so similar things happen close to each other and not make a precedence case out of one of the other.
> 
> 6) Dumbledore connected the punishments. If one of the sides make enough noise that action has to be taken against one cupid, both would have to leave Hogwarts. It makes more sense for me that Snape kept quiet not for some strange reason like Dumbledore threatened him or he was told Lily wouldn't forgive him (he was confident enough in his friendship with her to hang out with people that saw her as scum of the earth), but because his social standing in Slytherin depended on it. Like this Mulciber, one of the big pureblood families owned him something or he could make an enemy out of him. Dumbledore does it because he believes in the greater good and that means personal justice has to take a backseat at times.
> 
> All in all this chapter is probably my masterpiece of looking at the few things we are told and make a story out of it.
> 
> I wanted Mary not just to be a poor little muggleborn that was at the wrong place at the wrong time, but a specific target. She was selected because she was loud and outspoken. Someone that challenged the pureblood ideas and was a leader of some kind.
> 
> I hope you still liked this chapter even with my far too long rambling at the end here. I know this whole thing is a very controversial topic, so tell me what you think about it and how I looked at it.
> 
> Have a nice day.


	45. Year 4 Chapter 45

Dorcas and Michael got in a fight and one word led to another and somehow they broke up with each other. That was a real shock to everybody, including Dorcas who lay on her bed and cried. Sulfia was ranting about what kind of idiot Michael clearly was and Lily sat next to Dorcas and rubbed her back. To see her friend in pain over some stupid boy was terrible.

"Really, if he can't see that you are clearly the best girl he will ever find he is a huge idiot. And if he is that much of an idiot he will, without doubt, fail all his OWLs in a couple of months." Sulfia claimed with absolute confidence, but Sulfia was always absolute confident about the things she said, if she had any idea or not.

Dorcas sobbed again. "He said I was too clingy and that he needed more time to study…"

Sulfia looked unsure just for a moment. "Idiot like I say." She mumbled and sat down next to Dorcas as well. She pulled her up and Dorcas threw her arms around her. Sulfia rocked her back and forth for a moment. "You know what we need? Chocolate cake!"

That got a teary laugh from Dorcas and Sulfia sent Lily a look that clearly meant that she should somehow get this promised chocolate cake. Part of Lily wanted to stay and tell Sulfia that it was her idea and she should go, but the truth was, Sulfia was Dorcas' best friend and had been since Lily decided that Sev was her best friend in school. So, of course, Lily offered to fetch some.

"That is a great idea! I will get some from the kitchen." Lily smiled brighter than she felt and put on her robe.

"But it is already after curfew." Dorcas said, but there was clear hope in her voice that Lily would go anyway.

"Oh, don't worry about Lily. If Filch catches her, she will convince him not only to bring Lily to the kitchen but back to the tower as well." Sulfia assured Dorcas, who then just nodded.

Outside of the dorm, Lily wasn't sure what to do next. Lily didn't want to be caught by anyone, not even Filch. Down in the common room, she saw Gwen and Gunny. They did some homework, but really they just wanted to give Dorcas and them a bit of privacy. They looked at Lily and she just shook her head. They shrugged their shoulders and turned back to their books. Lily was a bit nervous to go out after curfew, alone. According to rumors half of all muggleborn in school already spent some time in the hospital wing for being hexed this year. When she told, Sev scowled and scolded her for listening to rumors because clearly, that was rubbish. Still, the bad feeling stayed.

She looked around the room some more. The Marauders sat in some armchairs near the fire, without Remus. But Lily knew that they made up. She had stood outside of the boys' dorm for over an hour while Remus first talked to James and Peter. A week or two later the three boys allegedly had a duel or fistfight with Black and after that, they had made up as well. Remus was still avoiding being alone with Black for any time. There was still some damaged trust between them, but they were good again. Black even stopped Lily one day in the hallway to hug her and thank her for talking to Remus. He had tears in his eyes.

Lily was only really friends with Remus, but she still went over to them. "Eh hello." She felt awkward standing next to the three boys. They all turned around to Lily.

"'lo Evans." Sirius answered in a bored voice, but not unkind. Peter was waving at her and Potter stared owlishly at her before running his hand through his hair.

"Do you know where Remus is?" Lily asked them. Maybe he would come with her to the kitchen. He was good at sneaking around the castle, right?

"He, eh, doesn't feel very well and went to bed early." James answered and for a moment his eyes darted to the window where the nearly full moon slowly rose up.

"Oh, OH. Yes, of course." Lily felt even more awkward now. Should she just go alone?

"So Lily-Silly." Sirius started and wasn't bothered by her dark glare at the nickname at all. For some reason, he had decided that, after that awkward hug, they were now friends. Lily disagreed, but that didn't seem to matter in his own little world. "What do you want with Remus and how can we, professional Remus-substitutes, help you with your problems?"

Lily stepped from one foot to the other. Asking one of them to come with her or go alone? "Nothing really, I just need something from the kitchen…"

"Oh, we can help you." Peter piped up. "I'm hungry anyway-"

He was interrupted by Black. "What Peter here meant to say is. That getting us snacks is a brilliant idea, sadly Peter and I don't really have time right now, because I promised to help him with his essay."

"What-" Peter's question was interrupted again by a not so subtle kick from Black. Black just kept talking as if nothing happened.

"But James here has some free time on his hand. Why don't you take Evans to the kitchen and get us some snacks while you are at it."

"What? Ah, yes, of course!" Potter sprang into action and jumped up from his seat. "I'm back in a second. I just need to fetch something from my room. Don't run off Evans." With that, he ran up the stairs only to return half a minute later. "We can go."

"Eh, ok."

Together they went to the kitchen. Neither talked much because they listened for any kind of noise, teacher, ghosts, prefects, but from time to time he would look at her and ran his hand through his hair. They found the kitchen without any problem and only there did he really tried to speak to her.

"Soooo, what is this food raid for?" He asked and accepted a hot chocolate from the house elves that ran around them in an attempt to please them. "Are you having a sleepover with pillow fights and stuff?" His eyes lighted up in a strange way.

"No, we share a dorm every day. You can't really call it a sleepover." Lily got a cup of cocoa as well.

"But you are having pillow fights? In your underwear?"

"Eww! No! Dorcas had a fight with Michael and we want to cheer her up." Lily didn't know why she explained that to James Potter of all people, but he was friends with Dorcas as well, right?

"Idiot…" He mumbled in return. "Do you think it would cheer Dorky up if we play a prank on that jerk?"

Lily wanted to say 'No, of course not', but she wasn't sure about it. Dorcas always enjoyed the pranks of the boys. Even the once that Lily found stupid or mean. She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. It probably depends on the prank, but you can better ask Sulfia that."

"We will think something up." Potter grinned at her before stuffing his face with a muffin. Lily had to grin a tiny-winy little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. You sometimes hang out with the friends of your friends and I just can't imagine Lily always acting like a fury. Sometimes the friends of your friends are people you don't get on with but you can understand why they are friends with them. Lily can see that James can be a brilliant friend to have.
> 
> I wanted to get back to normal teenage drama for a moment, something like breakups and comfort foot and yes something like teenage fantasies. They are fifteen and for at least a few days it's the end of the world if your boyfriend breaks up with you. I don't want to lose that part of their lives yet to the growing darkness and war.
> 
> The answer to problems still can be pranks. I hope you like this chapter. Please leave me a review if you do or have something for me to improve on.
> 
> Have a nice day.


	46. Year 4 Chapter 46

"Hi." Lily felt a bit giddy and the blood was rushing in her ears. She was probably smiling far too wide as she stood in front of Mary MacDonald.

The other girl looked up. Her brows knitted. "Yes?"

"Well, I just wanted to say, that I think it's cool how you always stand up for what is right and don't back down even against older students." Lily rushed the words out. Lily felt nervous and excited at the same time.

Mary looked at her with an unreadable look. "Thank you, I think…" She looked at Lily some more before starting again. "Ok, what exactly do you want?" Mary's voice was colder than Lily expected and she felt more and more uneasy.

"Just telling you that you do some great work and that I appraise it." Lily shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Mary critically looked her up and down. "Maybe I could help you with it." Lily added with a burst of courage.

Mary's look got darker, her lips thinned. "I don't think that that is such a good idea…" Her voice was even colder and sharper than before.

"Why?" Lily was shocked. She had seen other muggleborn talk and work with Mary.

Mary stayed quiet for a moment, before sighing. "You hang out with that greasy Slytherin boy, Snape. I can't really trust you and that you wouldn't tell him anything or worst..." With that Mary packed away her things and left.

It didn't feel like a slap in the face. It felt like a punch in the solar plexus. It knocked the air right out of her. Her friendship with Severus made her untrustworthy in other muggleborns' eyes? In Mary's eyes. Lily started to shake. The critic she always got for being friends with Severus made her feel may things. Sad, angry, disappointed, tired, aggressive. But today was different. That wasn't about Sev, but Lily. Mary's words made her feel ashamed of her friendship with him, ashamed of herself.

Tears stung in her eyes and Lily ran up the stairs to her dorm. She pressed her face into the pillow and tried to suppress the sob that was building up in her throat. She felt terrible and crushed and hurt. A hand landed on her back and gently rubbed small circles.

"Hey, hey. It's fine." Dorcas whispered to her. "You don't need her."

Lily sat up Dorcas and Sulfia sat on her bed with her and looked at her with sympathy. They threw their arms around Lily.

"Don't you worry." Dorcas mumbled and petted her hair. "You are lovely and brilliant."

The reassurances from her friends were nice, but Lily was still confused about their care. She would have thought that they would be less sympatric about her being called out for being Severus' friend.

"Thank you…" Lily whispered. She couldn't look them in the eyes.

"Oh, don't make such a long face. We will find you a girlfriend!" Sulfia declared with absolute confidence. "A better one!"

Lily blinked at her. "What?"

"You are pretty and clever and just because she doesn't want you, doesn't mean that there are not lots of girls that would love to go out with you." Sulfia told her. "I kept my ear open and have a list of girls we can introduce you to. There is Jenny from Ravenclaw. She is in the sixth, sure, but the youngest in her year. You could talk about all this theoretical magic stuff." Sulfia actual went over to her nightstand and pulled out a piece of paper.

Lily's eyes widened. "I'm not- it's- eh- I- you- no-"

"It's fine, you know. If you don't want to go out with boys, it's fine. We wanted to tell you that for some time now, but you never said anything, but it was quite obvious how you watched MacDonald so much." Dorcas added while biting her lips.

"I'm not gay! Or lesbian or whatever. I think..." Lily busted out. Her face felt hot. "I never thought about kissing her or anything. I just wanted to be friends with Mary." Never did the idea to be with a girl cross her mind. Should it have? Was that why she wasn't as interested in boys as the other girls? Lily tried to imagine it, being with a girl, kissing a girl. Did she find girls more attractive than boys? It didn't feel right. But she didn't know for sure.

Now the other two blinked at her. "You aren't?" Dorcas asked.

"You never show much interest in boys and then you started to watch MacDonald and we thought, 'Oh, that's why'…" Sulfia scratched the back of her head.

"I don't really feel comfortable with kissing or touching anyone in that way, you always talk about. At least not at the moment…" Lily looked down to her lap. And it was true. Trying to imagine kissing Mary did feel even more wrong than to imagine kissing a boy. It wasn't that Lily couldn't recognize a cute boy, with how much Sulfia raved on about Potter's hazel eyes and dreamy hair and stuff it was downright impossible not to notice that he was handsome, for example. There were, of course, other boys that Lily thought were cute. And sure she could see when a girl was beautiful as well, but that was normal right?

"Hmm…ok." Sulfia said. It was a strange picture to see her lost at words. "Then we won't introduce you to the girls on the list, but you can change your mind, you know."

"Yeah… thank you, I think." Lily said.

"So you only have a friendship-crush on Mary?" Sulfia tried to explain everything.

Lily looked started for a moment and nodded. All three girls sat together and looked awkward until they looked at each other and began to giggle. Lily wasn't sure what was so funny, but it just was.

"So what was this about then?" Dorcas asked.

It sobered Lily up and she looked away from them again. "She said, she didn't trust me, because of, well-" Lily couldn't say it. Couldn't admit to them, that Severus was the problem. Was he the problem? Was Mary the problem? She just judged Severus and her, without knowing them. But she judged Severus by the people he hung out with, people that had attacked Mary and Lily didn't trust any of them either. And then judge Lily for hanging out with Severus. All this wouldn't be an issue if Severus would just stop hanging out with those people and their dark magic! An angry voice in her head told her…

Dorcas looked conflicted and Sulfia's face turned stony. She didn't have to say it, they knew.

"Well, that is too bad…" Dorcas mumbled and avoided to look at her.

"Should we talk to her?" Sulfia offered. Lily was surprised, she expected Sulfia to agree with Mary. But Sulfia looked really angry right now. "I mean, they can't just say stupid stuff like that you whore yourself out for protection and stuff. We won't let that stand."

"She didn't say anything like that…" Lily said and watched her friends. Dorcas was still not meeting her eyes and Sulfia looked nearly embarrassed.

"She didn't?" Sulfia asked with surprise in her voice. "Good, because nobody should say something like that about you."

"Who is saying that?" Lily asked slowly.

"Nobody." They said quickly at the same time. Too quick. Lily raised her eyebrow. "Just some idiots that say, that you are the only muggleborn that isn't harassed by those wanna-be Death Eaters because you're 'friends' with him. Sold yourself to them in you know ways..." Dorcas explained. She avoided looking Lily in the eyes.

Lily's hands shook. That was what people thought of her? That was ridiculous! She wanted to protest, but could she? Other muggleborns were afraid to go down to the dungeons and Lily went there all the time for her potion experiments with Severus. She knew that just this year over half of the muggleborns had to spend some time in the hospital wing because they were hexed. Was she just lucky? It must look very strange to them. But Severus wasn't so close to those kinds of people that he could protect her like that, right? He couldn't have that kind of influence on them, right?

"When we hear something like this, we tell them that you don't happily ignore what happens to everybody else, as long as you are save." Sulfia hurried to explain. She meant well of course, but it felt like somebody stabbed Lily with every word. "I mean we tell them that you are just trying to turn a troll into a veela." Somebody twisted the knife in Lily.

Turning a troll into a veela. One of the magical fairytales her friends told her. A young witch once met a troll in the swamp. He sat there and picked his teeth with a bone. The witch felt pity for him and wanted to save the poor creature from his dirty life in the swamps. So she transformed him into a beautiful veela and taught him how to be graceful and civilized. Many people warned her against it, but she didn't listen. The fairytale ended with the troll killing the witch and eating her as well, but this time instead of ripping her apart with his hands, he cut her in small pieces with silverware. A cautious tale of how you couldn't change the inner nature of someone.

Was that what Mary meant when she said she didn't trust Lily? Either she was a traitor to her fellow muggleborns and sold her soul to the devil or she was too stupid and naïve to see what was right in front of her? Neither of those two persons sounded very trustworthy to Lily...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I got told by a few people that they like Mary and I like her myself and I really hope people don't start to dislike her too much because of this chapter. But let me say this, Mary doesn't know Lily like her friends do or as we do, with being in her head and seeing doubts and conflicting morals. Instead, she sees what is open on display and her open friendship is Severus is very prominent on display. Lily keeps the moments when she critics and disagree with Severus very privat and so only the moments when they get along are seen by the rest of the school. Now I often see stories about how Severus suffers with his people for his friendship with Lily, but I don't often see real consequences for Lily. Mary is strong in her beliefs and her fight for what is right and to her, the way Lily acts feels treasonous. In the same way as I feel angry and a bit betrayed when I see a very strong and confident woman that excuses and enables the terrible behavior of an sexist and I can only imagine how someone from minority feels when one of their own hangs out with racists and become 'I'm not a racist, I have a black friend, BUT...'-friend for them.
> 
> In this story, Mary and other muggleborns feel exactly that about Lily. She isn't trusted and at best she is seen as naive stupid and at worst like an open traitor. And there are few things people hate more than a traitor. Peter is not without reason one of the most hated characters and he is surely not the most evil bad guy in the books. I hope you can all understand a little bit how Mary and other muggleborns are feeling here.
> 
> To Lily Mary's reaction was a shock. In her own mind she was always a proud muggleborn that never hide this fact and that she was always on the same page as Mary, the girl she had this little bit hero worship for since the third year, but now she got confronted that Mary didn't see her as an ally or anything positive really. Internal and external view on a character can be very different and to be confronted with other people that didn't think good of you is always hurtful. Lily never was really confronted with this before. In Gryffindor, she is the only muggleborn that year and none of her closest friends are muggleborns. Never did anyone just tell her all this before. Sulfia and Dorcas, who are more involved in the gossip network than Lily (because she never agreed with the rumors about Snape) did hear this displeasure with Lily, but they don't know how to tell Lily that. This greater knowledge of how muggleborns feel only showed itself once in this story, when Lily and Sulfia fought.
> 
> Other than that, sexual orientation is a difficult subject in that age. The fact that Lily as a late bloomer showed no real interest in boys the same way they did, let her friends come to the conclusion that maybe Lily really wasn't interested in boys at all. They were just kind of waiting for Lily to say something and Lily here is at least thinking about it for a moment, as many teenagers do in that age, especially when they don't develop in the same way and speed as those around them.
> 
> I hope you still enjoyed this chapter and please tell me what you think of Mary now and if you maybe can understand her point of view on Lily.
> 
> Have a nice day


	47. Year 4 Chapter 47

**Year 4 Chapter 47**

It was one of the last weeks of the year. The night sky was without clouds and the full moon covered the world in silver grey. It would have been peaceful to watch the sky if it weren't for the dozens of other students on top of the astronomy tower.

Lily felt a twig of guilt for admiring the beauty of the full moon so much, while Remus was somewhere tortured by horrible pain. Rumors were whispered between students about Remus in the last couple of weeks and Lily suspected that Severus was the root of them.

She knew that he couldn't downright say anything about Remus, but if he tried to drop hints about him with other students than Lily, she was sure at least some of them would pick up on them. Lily didn't know what to do about it. How could she protect Remus from all this?

Sulfia and Dorcas stood in a small circle with Lily and Sulfia hurried to copy some of Dorcas's homework before the professor could collect it. In a hushed voice, she asked Dorcas some questions about the subject. Her handwriting was huge and nearly unreadable. "Wait, what? Why exactly is  _Aquarius_  an air symbol? That doesn't make any sense!"

"It just is! Now shut up and write." Dorcas hissed back and looked around for the professor. But the professor was still talking to some students and hadn't started the lesson yet. Not all students were there yet.

Sulfia was still writing when the lesson finally started. The professor ordered everybody to be quiet.

"Today we will measure some of the magical energy of the full moon. We have a really beautiful full moon this month. For that, you will train your telescopes on the moon and then start the Luna-lux-magimeter on the right side of the telescope. Then you have to wait for around half an hour."

The students mumbled their agreement and pulled out their telescopes.

"Oh and please get out your homework. I will come around and collect it in a moment." The professor added. Sulfia's eyes widened and she scribbled away on her parchment fanatically.

She was saved for at least a moment when the doors were pushed open and three laughing boys entered. Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black and, Lily took a second look, Remus Lupin? That couldn't be right. Her eyes flickered from the full moon to Remus. Yes, definitely full moon.

What was going on? Lily knew she was staring at them, but she couldn't help it.

"You are late." The professor informed them with a hard glare. "That will be a night of detention for all of you." The boys were still grinning and shrugged their shoulders. "And where is Mr. Potter?"

Lily hadn't even realized that Potter was missing from their little group.

"He didn't want wake up." Peter answered.

"We hexed his feet backwards and now he is aimlessly wandering the castle unable to find the way." Black said.

"Oi!" Remus? said. "All wrong, he meets with a hot fifth year in a broom closet right now!"

The professor flared her nasal wings angrily. "Please inform him, that he will have the last two weeks of school detention."

Remus? grinned back. "Will do."

"Now go over to your classmates and let them explain to you want you are doing and I don't want any more disruptions of you."

Lily was still staring at Remus? and Dorcas poked her in the ribs. "What is going on with you Lily? Why are you staring at Remus like that? You didn't believe that stupid rumor the Slytherins spread, about him being a werewolf."

"What? No! Of course not!" Lily forced herself to laugh. "That is a really stupid rumor."

"Right. How did they even get that idea?" Dorcas giggled. "Then why are you staring at him like that? Did you change your mind about fancying someone?"

"No, of course not." Lily felt her cheeks heat up. She looked back to the boy.

Something was strange about Remus?, apart from the fact, that it was full moon and he was walking around normally. Each time Lily looked back, it seemed like another hair was fighting against gravity. One by one they started to stand up from his head. It looked a little bit like- POTTER! Of course! That was what was going on! Potter had transfigured himself to look like Remus.

Lily's face broke into a wide grin. It was thoughtful and selfless that Potter was ready to face two weeks of detention to make sure that Remus' secret was save. But maybe next time they should either use more Sleekeazy's hair potion or let somebody play the part whose hair didn't have its own mind. Lily grinned wider and winked at Remus-Potter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I didn't want to end the school year so sad for Lily, so I gave this year a more lighthearted ending. Next up will be fifth year for Lily and her friends.
> 
> Snape tried to lead Lily to the conclusion of Remus being a werewolf in the books and who says that he doesn't try something else with other people, even with his deal with Dumbledore, But people noticing that Remus is always sick on the full moon is not something that can be traced back to him right? At least if he is a bit more sneaky than with Lily.
> 
> I feel like the other Marauders would see it as their job to do everything to protect Remus and giving 'Remus' a big outing on a full moon, would most definitely help with that. They all and James particulate seemed to be gifted in Transfiguration, so they let James appear like Remus with lots and lots of small spells. They don't use polyjuice, because they don't know what would happen if you polyjuice into a werewolf on full moon.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter and if you like I would enjoy a review. I want to thank everybody for their reviews. I really enjoy your encouragements.
> 
> Have a nice day


	48. Year 5 Chapter 48

Family dinners were strange. Petunia was glaring at her from across the table, while their parents tried to pretend as if they didn't notice how little the sisters liked being pushed together.

The reason why Lily fought with her sister and her parents were still all too often the same. Severus. When their mother made it clear that Lily should invite her 'nice friends' over and meant it as a way to say anyone but him, Lily had been angry and Petunia gleeful happy. It was unfair that nobody could recognize Sev for the person Lily saw in him. Severus was nice and kind, on the inside, he just had trouble to show it.  _Or you are wrong and everybody else is right?_  A small voice in her head asked. It sounded like Sulfia and Mary and Dorcas and her mum and Petunia.

Lily had argued against her mother just to shut that little voice up, but with no success. It probably didn't help that Sev sometimes said quite misleading things. Like when she told him that Jim- James Bloomer, had invited her to a party and he acted like there was nothing interesting a muggle could ever tell her or that she was just wasting her time when she spent it with muggles. It had ended in a shouting match in which Sev accused her of being stupid and fancying Jimmy and Lily shouting back that James was a perfectly nice, funny and handsome boy, thank you very much! That Potter's face to her mind for a second was just because of the name. Really!

Lily just wanted to have a quiet night without thinking about any of it again. But it seemed like Petunia had other plans.

"Did you hear about the pile of dead animals in the woods?" Petunia asked with a too polite smile in a small talk tone. "Lots of rats and mice, some squirrels and birds, lots of frogs and stuff. All of them cut open and bleed to death."

"Petunia I'm not sure if that is the right topic for dinner." Their mother reminded her.

"It is just that I heard it from Tommy, whose uncle found them. They think it's some kind of Satanist. The animals were clearly still alive when they were cut open. They were footprints. Tommy's uncle thinks they are from a boy." Petunia kept talking and looked at Lily. Lily shuddered.

"Shame such a thing. Was it around this area? Then you girls should watch out when going out. You never know." Their father answered Petunia and earned a glare from their mother, who clearly thought nobody should say anything about Satanists or dead animals at the dinner table.

"They found them down in the woods at Spinner's End." Petunia now openly glared at Lily.

Lily balled her fists. "What do you want to say with that Tuney?" Lily asked through clenched teeth. Of course, Lily knew what Petunia was trying. She wanted to tell their parents some story about how terrible Severus and magic and Hogwarts was.

"Nothing, I just find it peculiar that the same girl that once freed the hunter's lure animals is the same that could stand being friends with someone that could do things like that." Petunia said with a sickeningly sweet smile.

Lily remembered the incident Petunia was talking about. Lily had seen how the hunters had bond some rabbits and birds down and waited for other animals to hunt them. Lily had cried for the sweet little animals and finally Petunia had decided to help her freeing them. The hunters have called their parents and their dad had shouted at them for tampering with things that didn't belong to them. They still giggled about it in the evening when Lily slipped into Petunia's bed. A few months after they met Severus for the first time…

It hurt that Petunia would use such a cherished memory to attack Lily. "Are you done yet?" Lily stood up and stemmed her hands on the table, glaring at her sister. "Done telling  **lies**  about Severus and me and what kind of satanic bastards we are?" Lily's voice got louder with each word.

"How dare you to accuse me of lying?! And I never said you had anything to do with it, but now that you said it, do you?" Petunia stood up as well. Her face turned red with anger. "I saw those books of yours, eel eyes and bat wings and frog tongues! Is that what you do at your school, cut open some small animals and watch them die painfully while harvesting them for their parts? Is that what the pair of you do when you meet up? You freaks!" Petunia looked at Lily with disgust.

Lily felt anger rush through her veins and how her magic reacted to it. The cutlery rattled on the table, like a wave the rattling crept from Lily's side of the table over to Petunia's. Fear shone in Petunia's eyes when the knife and fork next to her moved on their own and she pulled her hands away from the table close to her chest.

"You really are a freak!" She shouted at Lily.

"Quiet! Both of you!" Their father slammed down his hand on the table so hard it made everything jump up slightly. When it landed back down the rattling had stopped. "I don't want to hear another word from either of you! Go to your rooms, now!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N.
> 
> A falling out between siblings is not easy and I really believe that both sides made mistakes in it. In Lily's defense of Snape, she is quick to turn against those that bring up stuff that Lily doesn't want to hear and to that her magical reaction when she was angry and you have a really scared Petunia. Things are falling apart between them and fast.
> 
> The friendship of Lily and Snape, didn't break in a day or over one word. It started to crumble long before that under both the outside pressure and the inside conflicting morals that became impossible to ignore with time. But Lily tries to in this chapter. With true Gryffindor stubbornness did Lily refuse any criticism of Snape from the outside.
> 
> To the topic of Petunia's claims. Snape is inventing a spell to cut people open and let them bleed out. I really don't think you can do something out of nothing. You have to experiment on it, you have to know wounds and how they act, how they heal to prevent that. You need to know stuff before you even start of the spell and then you have to create it in trial and error until you have the first idea and then you have to work on it. I refuse to believe someone could just sit down in a dark room and come up with such working spells without experiments.
> 
> I know, it's not a nice chapter, but we need to look how two relationships in Lily's life crumble and how she maybe didn't notice the damage she did to one of those relationships, by her way of protecting the other.
> 
> I want to say thank you to everybody that reads and comments this story. It is lovely that people enjoy what I write. If you like, give me a comment and help me improve my writing or just let me know what you like or dislike.
> 
> Have a nice day!


	49. Year 5 Chapter 49

She met with Ji-James a couple of times over the summer. He was fun to hang out with and didn't look at her strangely when she didn't know some pop culture reverence, but instead gave her a short explanation or showed her. Sometimes Lily would just go over to his house and they would listen to records. It was so relaxing. Never did his hand 'accidentally' brush against her hand when they walked next to each other. He never prolonged any hugs or other touches between them and it was just never awkward to be with Jimmy.

The only strange thing was actually calling him James, when everything in her wanted to say Jimmy. Would it ever stop feeling strange calling him James? It was just that Potter always seemed to come to mind when she thought about James and the idea to do any of the things she did with Jimmy with Potter was strange.

Today he took her along to meet some of his classmates, many of them were her old classmates from before Hogwarts. Lily was nervous, even if there was no real reason to be. It was the last day of August and before returning to Hogwarts.

It was in the evening and somebody had built a small fire. A few bottles were passed around between the teenagers and even something to smoke. It didn't smell like just cigarettes. It was easier to talk to them than it had been on New Year. Everybody just accepted that the posh boarding school she got a scholarship for, forbad everything that was fun, like movies, music, and tv. They pitied her before moving on. She heard rumors about people she barely remembered and one of the girls was excited to become an aunt soon.

Soon after they were playing a game of Truth and Dare. It was Lily's turn. She didn't like to take Truth, because half the time she was forced to lie when they asked something about school.

"Dare." Lily said and threw the other girl, Jenny, if Lily remembered right, a challenging look. She giggled.

"I dare you to kiss James, for at least two minutes, on the mouth!" Jenny shouted and everybody laughed or wolf whistled.

Lily felt how she turned red and looked at Ji-James, who just shrugged his shoulders. After Lily shot a glare at Jenny, she took James' hand and pulled him with her out of hearing ranch of the others.

"We don't have to do it if you don't want to." Lily mumbled and avoided his eyes.

"It's fine, I think." He shrugged again.

"I never kissed anyone!" The words rushed out of her mouth before she could think about it. "So I'm probably not very good at it." Lily felt like her whole body was on fire from the embarrassment she felt.

"Me neither." James whispered back. Lily immediately looked up at those words. They stared at each other for a moment, before starting to giggle.

"I'm kind of curious what all the hype is about…" James confessed to her after a moment. "And you?"

"Kind of…" Lily answered. "Everybody talks about kissing as if it's the greatest thing ever…"

"Do you want to try?" He asked. "It doesn't have to mean anything. Just to see what everybody is going on about…"

"That wouldn't be so bad." Lily bit her lips. "Yeah, let's try."

"Ok."

"Ok."

They stood in front of each other.

"Eh, should I touch you, or something?" James asked with an uncertain voice.

"No, maybe. I don't know… Where?" Lily asked back.

"Don't know…" He said and put a hand on her shoulder and the other held her hand in a loose grip. It felt heavy. "Is that ok?"

"Yeah…" Lily put her hand on his upper arm.

"So now we kiss…"

"Yeah."

Both squeezed their eyes shut and leaned forward and bumped their noses together.

"Ouch…"

"Ok, maybe more like this…" James lifted his hands up and genteelly took her face in his hands. He guided their lips together without anymore bumming.

They pressed their closed lips against each other. It was strange. There was no firework behind her eyes or butterflies in her stomach. It wasn't terrible or disgusting, but that's about it.

After a moment Lily opened one of her tightly squeezed eyes only to see him to the same. They started to giggle. That was interesting. It kind of tingled to feel the vibration of his lips on her lips. Carefully Lily moved her lips against his without opening her mouth. He did the same. That felt better. It was kind of nice. Nothing spectacular or something to brag about, but nice, interesting, new.

They stopped after some time. Slowly they pulled their hands away from each other. For a moment they looked everywhere but each other.

"That was nice, right?" James asked awkwardly.

"Yes, it was." Lily confirmed.

"So we are ok." He said.

"Yes, we are ok." Lily smiled at him and bumped her shoulder into his. "We are friends."

"Yes, friends." James looked as relieved as she felt.

"Let's go back before the others start to tell stories." Lily smiled at him and he smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N
> 
> So this is Lily's awkward first kiss. Nothing to write songs about, but it was with someone she trusted. But with the same name, James keeps popping in Lily's thoughts. As far as first kisses go this wasn't too good or bad, but just an experiment between friends. I didn't want Lily's first kiss with either James (Potter) or Snape, because with both it would mean too much to them and that is something Lily wouldn't want. James isn't that high on her list anyway and with Snape, she suspects some feelings he has for her and just wants those feelings to go away not encourage them in any way.
> 
> And Lily deserves some meaningless fluff once in a while.
> 
> What do you think of this chapter and that I brought Jimmy back? Please leave a comment and thank you to those that did! You are brilliant!


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